Mistakes Happen
by Rossie
Summary: Oh joy, the War Hero's were back. What was it about Edward Cullen? It was almost as if he has something to hide. Its probably nothing compared to what I've got hidden. No one will know. That'll never happen again.
1. Chapter 1 War Heros

_A/N-okay so ur probably thinking that this idea is the same as quite a few others, but its different believe me. Its all human, everyone is basically the same though with the same matchings, possibly some variations. Read, reviews make the next chapter come faster. I won't be updating as fast I did for my last fanfic cuz that got me less reviews:) enjoy!_

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**BPOV**

"Bella get the door!" Charlie commanded as he rushed off to get his badge on.

I groaned. Of course, the "War Hero's" were here. The whole town had been going crazy over the return of Emmett and Edward Cullen and Jasper Hale. I hadn't. I'd gotten just about my fill of the girl's in the town going on about their little fantasies about the supposedly stunningly handsome men. I didn't get why they were all so obsessive, as far as I knew Emmett and Jasper had been taken by the same girls since before they left for war ten months ago and Edward just didn't date.

I wasn't the type of girl who was going to fluff her hair and check her makeup before opening the door to three handsome strangers. I planned to show up as is – without any makeup– and tell them where the food was then turn and trop over my feet as I went back to the kitchen. Sometimes I hated Charlie's job for putting me up to this kind of torture.

I casually pulled the door open the moment Charlie swung around so he was across from the door. He stood with such a ridiculous look on his face that my cheeks reddened immediately. I tried not to think about him as I turned back to welcome the three man and stopped short.

They all wore black pants and long sleeved white dress shirts, the outfit complimenting their snowy white complections beautifully. I was too baffled to wonder why they hadn't worn their dress blues. The one to my left had dark brown curly hair, light blue eyes and an extremely muscular build, I could have mistaken him for a body builder. Standing next to him was a beautiful blonde girl who looked through me with sharp eyes. The next man was tall and lanky, though still very muscular, with curvy scars all along his arms and neck and shaggy blonde hair. A petite girl with the same pale complection and short black spiky hair beamed back at me from his side. My eyes met the exotic emeralds of the pale man at the end and I looked down. I'd never seen green eyes so clear and rich before, they had always seemed so foggy.

I could feel the blood coloring my face as I motioned for them to enter. Charlie quickly took over for me as I tried to make my escape to the kitchen. "Welcome to the Swan Residence!" Charlie greeted them heartedly, shaking everyone's hand with both of his. "This is my daughter, Bella. She was the one who cooked for us tonight."

I suppressed a groan as I reluctantly turned to be introduced. I'd told Charlie not to bother with introducing me. The only reason they'd care to know my name is if they'd ever end up driving me to the ER because I feel in front of them. I waved halfheartedly, fresh blood burning my cheeks. "Hi."

"Emmett," the muscular brunette pointed to himself. He didn't bother being formal as he pointed to the rest and announced their names. "Rosalie," the beautiful blonde girl. "Jasper," the tall blonde man. "Alice," the small, spiky haired girl. "Edward." I nodded at each of them politely, carefully avoiding meeting Edward's gaze again. I already had enough color in my cheeks.

"Well," Charlie said, clapping his hands dismissively. "Let's dig in, shall we?" The group of five murmured in agreement and they followed Charlie into the living room, the only room in the house that could comfortably fit more then three people at once. I brought them dinner, managing to do so without stumbling only to trip on my way back towards the kitchen. Emmett burst out laughing as I blushed deep scarlet, but otherwise no one cared.

I ate alone in the kitchen, a thing I'd done often over the past year I'd lived here in Forks with Charlie. The senior class had just been let out and my college semester didn't started until the 25th of September. I was pleased to have over a good three months of relaxation. This was until I heard that the wonderful "War Heros" were returning home and Charlie, as Deputy Chief, had half willingly volunteered to put himself in charge of everything that had to do with hospitality. By doing so, I'd been unwillingly dragged into it all.

I pulled from my reverie as I heard someone walking into the kitchen. I looked up from the food I'd been prodding at to see Edward's pale face across the island from mine. He only paused for a second before his face was replaced with bronze hair as he turned his head and continued walking until he reached the sink where he dropped the dishes he'd been carrying.

"You can just leave em, I got it." I assured him, dumping my own neglected food into the garbage and, filling the sink with hot soupy water, I added them to the growing pile. He hesitated a second before simply leaving. I turned and watched him leave. He walked with a straight, dignified posture and lengthened strides. My face pulled into a scowl in response to his rudeness. Apparently I didn't even deserve an "okay".


	2. Chapter 2 Daze

_A/N-thats all for today, and a lil while. hope you like this. review if ya have anything to say, i'm open to flames too:)_

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**EPOV**

"Oh my god, it's _Edward Cullen_!"

I groaned quietly to myself, rolling my eyes as I picked up my pace to catch up with Emmett and Jasper before the obsessive teenaged girls could stalk me down. The last thing I needed was a hoard of girls trailing behind me when I arrived at Chief Swan's house. I didn't quite understand how fighting for our country for ten short months was such a big deal, especially after . . . I pushed that from my mind. I already felt enough guilt with the amount of people that were caring to our every need. Besides, it wasn't like we'd even been injured or high ranked officials, just average soldiers. It hadn't seemed like I'd been gone for all that long, except for that last month. . . I just wondered how long it would take to clue the girls back in that I don't date before I got called back to war again, _if_ I got called back, and had to start all over again. Surely it would get easier.

The three of us slipped into my Volvo, it was in the same condition as I'd left it. We had to go pick up Rosalie and Alice before heading to the Swan's. Great, another night to remind me why I was the odd man out.

It didn't take as long as we'd expected to work out the directions to Chief Swan's. His house was plain and small with a short path leading from the curb to the steps up to the door. In the small driveway sat his police cruiser and, taking up half the curb in front of his house, was an old, rusted red truck with a bulbous cab. Emmett instantly broke out laughing at the sight of it. I smacked him in the side of the head. Good old Emmett.

We all piled out of the car and rose to the curb, starring up at the entrance of the small white house. "Who wants to ring the forbidden door bell?" Emmett teased. He raced past us, pulling Rosalie with him, and pressed his oversized thumb into the small button to the right of the door. No sound came in response.

"Think it's broken Em." Jasper pointed out as he approached the door at a leisurely pace with Alice. I lagged behind. Alice flitted forward and tapped lightly on the door. Charlie could be heard yelling something and I heard light footsteps approaching the door in response. After a slight pause the door swung open, revealing who I assumed was the Deputy's daughter.

Her porcelain skin and long brown hair stung as it pricked at the memory I'd hidden so well, I looked away. Her eyes flickered from Emmett and Rosalie to Jasper and Alice. Her eyes didn't linger and I realized that she looked _bored_, not even the slightest bit curious of what the legendary "War Heros" looked like. Her eyes landed on mine and she immediately looked away. I was a little shocked as I met her round brown eyes. They had depth, not shallow and flat like all the brown eyes I'd spent the last couple of months starring into. I was a little disappointed she looked away so fast. Despite the sting, her eyes were quite enchanting.

She looked down, blood reddening her cheeks as she motioned for us to enter. I paced in after the others and let my eyes follow the girl. It was no surprise to me that she was blushing, but this wasn't the blush I'd grown to hate from girls. No, this was just innocent shyness and she didn't look back at me. Wait, this girl didn't like me?

"Welcome to the Swan Residence!" Charlie boomed, extending his hand. I placed mine in his, half my attention elsewhere. I snapped my face to his when he covered mine with both of his and shook heartedly. I faked a smile. I could tell already that he had intentions to have us around a lot. "This is my daughter, Bella. She was the one who cooked for us tonight."

Bella hesitated before spinning around reluctantly at the sound of her name. She half raised her hand in a weak attempt for a wave. "Hi." she murmured, her cheeks flushing a darker red. I get it, she's shy. I turned my gaze away from hers', she was no different then the other girls. She'd end up being annoyingly obsessive and I'd have to find a way to get her to leave me alone. Ugh, why did I keep looking at her? More importantly, why wasn't she looking back?!

"Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward." Emmett pointed a finger lazily at each of us. Would it kill him to be formal every once and awhile? We'd all assumed that being in the army would straighten him out. Guess _we_ were wrong. I failed to find myself surprised at this.

"Well," Charlie began enthusiastically as he clapped his hands together. "Let's dig in, shall we?"

"Sure." I murmured so low I was positive that no one else must have heard me. I trailed off behind the group, my eyes following Bella as she rushed off into the kitchen. She didn't even look back over her shoulder. I could only hope that she was a good cook.

A small table rested near the far wall of the cramped living room. I made due, squeezing in beside Alice. I sat straight and stiff, my eyes speculating the room as I ignored the ongoing conversations around me. It wasn't like the others expected me to be paying attention, Jasper even knew why I was . . . like this. I just wasn't going to allow Chief Swan to praise me for my "achievements" well I was on duty. I kept my face composed and expressionless as Bella came in with plates of food and placed them in front of us. She didn't hesitate to leave and, in her haste, she tripped over her own feet and was sent sprawled across the floor. Obviously this was something that happened often for Chief Swan didn't make a move to help her to her feet. Emmett burst out in laughter and I shook it off. _Klutz_.

I was completely shocked by the quality of Bella's cooking. It was perhaps the best food I'd eaten since I'd been sent to war, possibly ever. I wasn't about to say anything about it though. I was sure that if Chief Swan heard me talking he'd keep prodding me until we'd had a lengthy conversation and, honestly, I was in no mood to talk. Nor was I ever anymore.

I offered silently to bring in Emmett's and Rosalie's plates when they finished at the same time as me. Chief Swan insisted that this wasn't necessary, but I ignored him. I was dying to just be out of this miserable room. I trotted silently towards the kitchen and stopped short.

Bella looked up at me with a look a shock on her face. My eyes drifted from her face to her barely touched plate of food with disapproval. Without too long of a hesitation, I turned and headed around the island to the sink. Dropping them in I heard Bella move.

"You can just leave em, I got it." She told me, her voice impassive. I looked at her in bewilderment. This reaction from females was not something I was attuned to, had I done something to offend her?

She dumped her food and stepped up next to me, filling the sink with hot, soupy water before dropping her plate in with the others. I hesitated, contemplating whether I should say something to her. No, that might give her the wrong idea. I turned and began to walk out without a word.

As I reached the end of the island I lengthened my strides, realizing that even if I had wanted to respond my voice had been lost in the pain that was now trickling in my memory.


	3. Authors note

_A/N- sorryy there havent been updates in awhile, my computers got a nasty virus and I cant get on the internet with it_

_i'm on my sister's computer right now. I might be able to get on mine and steal away the files on a flashdrive soon, like tonight, but I wanted u to know this and I wanted to run something by u and get ur opions on this idea as a fanfic._

**_My eyes switched from the beautiful vampire in the clutches of the wretched creature to the face of her captor. I couldn't believe that my foolishness had gotten us into this situation. I'd been blinded, blinded by something that I should never have fallen into. How could I have found myself in love with a newborn vampire. Was this even love? No, first love would feel so much more vigorous. I would be willing to trade anything right now to have the situation reversed, to have myself in the deathgrip of the vile creature that was threatening to take Ana's life from her now. I just didn't feel the fear I thought would be engolfing me. I felt hatred._**

**_These creatures would die. They would cease to exsist the moment Ana's body was set to flames. She hadn't asked for this, I'd forced it upon her. I would be sure that I would never, for all of my exsistence, allow the one I loved near this disgusting mongrels. Werewolves were dead to me._**

_In other words, this would be a story about Edward's prejudice towards werewolves from back when he was living in Forks before Bella was alive. I doubt there would be an actual part of the story that sounded exactly like this, but the same storyline would occur. Review if you think that it would make a worthwhile fanfic. A new chapter for this one will be up soon, promise!_


	4. Chapter 3 A WHAT!

_A/N- sorry it took so long, and no my computer's not better. I got a super duper flashdrive and transported this from my computer so I can put it on here yayyy:) please yell at me if this chapter makes no sense, I tried :)_

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**BPOV**

"No, you have _got_ to be kidding me! A _ball_?!" I threw my book down onto the counter and rushed over to shut off the timer that was going crazy and giving me even more of a migraine. First the whole town drools over the supposed "war heros" and now they're throwing a welcome home _ball_?! Oh that's not eve the best part! Charlie, as Chief Sheriff, has no choice but to be there so I get dragged along too. Was this not all way over the top?!

"Oh, be rational Bella," Charlie begged as I pulled down the oven door with more force then was necessary. I yanked the lasagna from the oven and pulled up straight to glare at him.

"Me be rational?" I practically screamed in response. "You're throwing a _ball_ for three men from the army who aren't even high ranked! Does this make _any_ sense to you?" I narrowed my eyes at him as he shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"I had no say in this Bells." He reminded me. Well of course _he_ hadn't, he was as immune to dancing and all other party related activities as I was. Where else would I have gotten it from?

"Who's planing all this then?" I challenged.

"Alice," He murmured reluctantly. I rolled my eyes. Charlie had invited them over for dinner three times and he was already wrapped around the small, black haired girl's finger. "And I promised her that you'd already have the news digested by the time she came over."

He looked away guiltily as I rose an eyebrow. "Charlie, when is she coming over?" I hissed. No, not tonight. Charlie wouldn't do this to me . . .

"Well, the ball starts at eight . . ." He braced for my explosion, his shoulders tensing and his eyes falling to focus on the cooling lasagna.

"CHIEF SWAN, THERE IS A _DANCE_ TONIGHT AND YOU DON'T TELL ME THIS UNTIL NOW!" I hated yelling at Charlie, more than anything, but I needed to vent my anger somewhere. I was being forced to go _dance_ and I hadn't been told this? Had Charlie gone insane! Why had everything been so flipped around for three stupid soldiers?

Charlie opened his mouth to calm me when a little tape on the door cut him off. It was the same four tap knock I'd heard all week and I knew instantly that my fate was sealed. I groaned and stomped off angrily to answer the door. I was furious, no that was an understatement, I was fuming. Since when had this been such a big deal! Ugh, unbelievable.

"Bella!" Alice crooned. She leapt into the house placing two clothing bags into my hands. She slitted past me with the same breath taking grace that I'd been envying all week. "Hello Charlie." She danced past where he hid cowardly in the kitchen and to the bottom of the stairs. She looked back and her cheery expression dropped as she realized I wasn't following her. She held up a large black leather bag and tapped it. "We have work to do Bella."

I stared back at her in bewilderment. I had never spoken to Alice before except for the few times I'd greeted her and the rest of them for dinner. Now she was talking to me like we were best friends? Honestly, tonight was the most messed up night I was yet to experience here in Forks, Washington. "I'm sorry?" I was all I managed.

Alice giggled in spite of herself and skipped back to my side, slipping her hand firmly around my arm. "Humor me." She whispered, her voice never losing its cheery tone. I sighed in nervous defeat as I allowed her to pull me up the stairs and towards what I had pointed out was my room. She commented politely on my room and gracefully dropped herself down onto my bed. She rummaged through her large bag, pulling a pair of silver heels and a pair of white heels. I groaned in horror. Heels.

"Humor me." She repeated, slight irritation coloring her tone. She glided over and stole the bags from my arms and spread them out on my bed. I tapped my foot impatiently, still awaiting an explanation for all this bizarre behavior.

"Okay," she sighed. "Please, please say you'll let me dress you up and take you to the ball."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Why Alice?" I questioned, continuing before she could protest my question. "I don't even _know_ you! Where's this all from? Honestly, I've never had a more confusing night here in Forks." I threw my hands up in exasperation to further express my frustration. She took a deep breath before the dam exploded.

"Well first, Rosalie's no fun now that Emmett's home. Also, you're the sheriff's daughter, so I'm not really going to give you a choice in the end. Third, I think we could be great friends if we got to know each other, right? And you're just so pretty but you never get it right! It's been killing me Bella. Esme suggested I get to know you cause I've been so bored whenever I come for dinner here . . . oh please Bella, please?" I suppressed a groan as Alice pulled out a devastated look. This was all so foreign to me.

I'd made it through the past year in Forks, more or less, on my own or with my only real friend, Jacob Black from La Push. His father, Billy Black, was friends with Charlie, so we'd started hanging out to pass all the time we'd ended up spending together. I had friends in school, Angela, Mike, Jessica, Ben, etc., but none I was really close to for reasons of their own. I'd strayed away from dances, despite Mike's feeble attempts to sway me. I'd never had real girl time since when I'd lived with Renee. Although Alice seemed nice, there was something pricking the back of my mind. A memory I'd tried to push away since I'd made the decision to move here. To start over . . .

"Alice," Her name fell uneasily from my tongue. I swallowed, clearing my throat, and continued. "You seem really nice. Honestly, I think we could be friends too. But I just can't do it. Not after, uh, my life in Phoenix." My eyes dropped to the ground as I bit my lip. The chunk of my chest that had been torn apart from the rest of me had been numb, the pain silenced. Now, as I recollected the memory, it tore through me, separating it from the rest of me. I wove my arms around my chest, trying my hardest to just make it look like I was crossing my arms.

"You don't trust me," Alice whispered. I heard her lift herself delicately from my bed and prance towards me. I took a step back and pressed my back into the wall. "That's it isn't it. What happened?"

I coughed as she forced the memory to erupt to the front of my mind. The pain, the embarrassment, the hurt, they were all as fresh as they had been only so long ago. I forced an arm from around my chest to raise it and wave her away weakly. "Alice please," I pleaded in a barely audible whisper. "Don't make me talk about. Don't make me think about." My voice cracked multiple times and I felt a pathetic blush color my cheek bones as I realized how weak and stupid I was acting. Her tiny hands came down on my shoulders, one sliding to my face to turn it up towards her. She looked down at me apologetically.

"I don't mean to pry Bella." she said quietly, her voice full of understanding for my situation. She dropped her hand back to my shoulder. "Please don't make me leave you here to wallow in the hurt I just had to bring back to you. I feel terrible." If I had been able to look away then I could have stood a fighting chance in whether I was going to respond yes or no. Alice's understanding and apologetic expression was almost immediately replaced with one of guilt and devastation. It hurt even more to see this on her usually cheery face.

"I'll never forget this Alice," I groaned, giving in and hoping her cheery expression would quickly replace her broken one again. I at least got something I wanted tonight. Alice's hands left my shoulder as she clapped victoriously and squealed. I rolled my eyes. "I don't even get this Alice, why a stinking _ball_. It's just three men who were nothing more then soldiers. They aren't even high ranked!"

Alice stopped her celebrating at the sound of my words. She narrowed her eyes coldly at me. "Because Bella," she snapped, her voice leaking with an acid I didn't expect. My hands dropped my sides and I bit my lip, blushing. "Jasper is my fiancee and I find it quite an occasion to celebrate when he comes back after fighting in a war for ten months, as is the same for how Rosalie feels for Emmett. And Edward's my brother, I would die if anything happened to him."

"I'm sorry." I whisper, deeply regretting my asking. Alice sighed.

"It's okay," she assured me, her voice slowly regaining its cheery soprano tone. "I shouldn't have been quite so hostile. I just hate how no one around here seems to understand how great it is to have the guys home. I mean I didn't even think Edward was-" She caught herself and quickly looked away from me. She rushed over to my bed and lifted her black bag, patting it lightly on the side. "Forget it, let's get to work."

It was beyond torture for the next two hours I spent with Alice. She worked fast, but with skilled perfection. I wondered aloud if she had ever considered going pro and, along whenever I fidgeted the slightest bit, I was scolded for moving. I wasn't allowed to look in the mirror until she was completely finished. As the clock neared six thirty I was beginning to grow both curious and impatient on top of terrified. It was beginning to trickle in that I didn't know where the party was, how I was getting there, what was going to happen there, what was expected of me and who was going to attend other then Charlie, Alice, the "War Heros" and I. I would have voiced these questions had I not feared Alice's reactions to my movement.

"Okay, tell me what you think after I get ready real quick." Alice instructed, pushing me towards the bathroom where a mirror was. "And don't rub your eyes, or wipe your face or anything. I got everything picturesque." She my door in my face before I could protest. How polite of her.

I was careful not to trip as I inched my way to the bathroom in my high white silletos. I closed my eyes as I felt for the sink, knowing I wouldn't want to see what Alice had done. I pealed them open, one eye at a time and found myself face to face with someone else.

The girl that was looking back at me had a colored complection with long black lashes framing her big brown eyes, her eyelids a lovely pale blue. Her brown hair was silky and wavy with her bangs woven into two separate braids that were pulled back into a white clip on the back of her head. I didn't even dare to look down at the silky french dress that Alice had forced upon me in fear that I'd overload. All I knew was it was a dark blue that matched my eye shadow and it was strapless.

I sighed and began my journey back to my room, bracing myself to endure a night of torture.


	5. Chapter 4 Sanctuary

_A/N- i'm sorry i'm updating slower then before with my fanfics, but i've got more going on now. please please review, personally I think the story getss muchhh better in the next few chapters:) **Bella's dress in now on my page, under the section about Mistakes Happen.**check it:) without further adue, here's the fourth chapter of Mistakes Happen, _**_Sanctuary._**

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**EPOV**

Glimmering lights, sparkly dresses, flashy suits and clinking Champaign glasses. All reminders that I was in a living hell. I stood at ease in the front, nodding to everyone who greeted me, but otherwise avoiding conversation. It was too much, the whole get up on our homecoming. I know Alice was doing this all as a loving "welcome-home I missed you" gesture, but all it was doing was making me feel worse.

She'd booked this big, fancy restaurant out in Port Angles and invited every person in Forks and some. All the tables had been cleared to the side into long rows of glistening refreshment tables. In front a small orchestra was playing soft– and extremely tedious– music. A DJ system was setup behind the stage to replace the orchestra come ten. In the center of the ceiling a large, glittering disco ball spun gracefully, not like a nightclub scene, but like a revolving chandelier. The sparkles bounced off the glass tables, the polished marble floor and silky formal wear sending a exquisite glow amongst the room. This should have been something for me to marvel, but I wasn't the slightest amused.

The room slowly began to liven as people trickled in. Emmett didn't bother coming over to me, he knew I was in a terrible mood but, unlike Jasper, he only thought it was because of the girls I'd have to put up with tonight. Besides, he has _Rosalie_ who, as always, looked ravishing, yet unappealing to me. Emmett, despite the beast that he was, was lithe and superior on the dance with Rosalie. I guess it just ran in our blood to be good dancers for him, Alice and I.

I scanned the dance floor, surprised I didn't see Alice and Jasper twirling to the elegant music alongside to Emmett and Rosalie. Although it wasn't shocking when I saw my spoiled little sister come skipping towards me. Her eyes scanned my posture with disapproving vibes. I stiffened. _If only she understood . . ._

"Edward," she scolded, her eyes continuing to narrow as I stiffened further. "This party is not just for Emmett and Jasper, it's for _you_ too." I scoffed. She rolled her eyes impatiently. "It's bad enough that Carlisle, the man who had to work while you were gone to _pay_ for all this, isn't here, please don't ruin my evening further. Besides, there's a bus load of girls just dying to dance with you." She threw her thumb over her shoulder to a group of girls who were huddled in a circle shooting nervous glances our way every so often.

I groaned, this night was going to be as painful as I'd anticipating. "Just promise me Jessica Stanley and Lauren Marley aren't here." I pleaded, though the answer was quite clear. They were the two most obsessive, obnoxious, self-centered girls in the world who's egos could never be bashed. No matter what I told them there would be no way of escaping a single horrid dance with them. Jessica's long brown hair would not help anymore in the matter. Damn idiot I am . . .

"Sorry." Alice shrugged, smiling sheepishly. I groaned again, actually letting my head roll back in my despair. Alice opened her mouth to respond to my discontentment, but was cut off.

"May I have this dance?" Jasper's voice sounded. I rolled my head back to face forward, catching sight of his pale hand as he held it in offering to Alice. She smiled and placed her petite hand in his, shooting me a warning look with her eyes. As they began to spin away Jasper looked a me apologetically, silently apologizing for not getting there sooner. I waved him off.

I sighed as I turned my attention back to the giddy group of girls. As much as I _hated_ to admit it, I wasn't going to get away with standing here ignoring them all night. I might as well get a majority of the torturous pain over with. I loosened my posture as the bravest girl in the group made her way up to me.

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What felt like years later, I stood at the sides of the dance floor apart from the massive swarms of girls. I'd danced with fourteen, maybe fifteen, girls, all of who I'd not paid the least bit of mind too. It was a relief to be standing alone next to the Deputy, who had shown up not too long ago. We had a light conversation between the two of us that drifted from one topic to the next with comfortable casualty.

"Looks like another's headed your way now, Edward." Chief Swan commented, nodding his head in the direction of the person who was approaching me from behind. I turned reluctantly to see who's presence would be forced upon me now and I swear my heart stopped before it twisted in anguish.

I faintly noticed that it was Jessica Stanley to whom the Sheriff was referring to, but as she wove her way through the crowd my eyes came to rest on a girl who stood inept on her feet near the end of the refreshment tables. Her skin was pale, much like mine, which looked absolutely stunning against her deep blue silky strapless dress. She stood unbalanced in her high white heels, awkwardly adjusting her dress every so often. She wasn't playing fair. What hurt, though, was the flowing brown hair and the snowy complection. As I contemplated approaching I could only pray her eyes weren't a dark green . . .

I decided to give her a try, completely ignoring Jessica as she arrived in front of me. This girl was the perfect excuse to get away from her, she was beautiful, elegant, and I was about to ask _her_ to dance. Obviously this should bring something to the other girls' attentions. I only hoped that, upon meeting her, I'd discover some sort of explanation to the gravitational force that pulled me towards her, despite the terrible pain that had clung tightly to my chest.

"Would you care to dance?" I asked the beautiful girl, lowering my voice to a seductive purr. The girl quickly glanced up in shock, dropping her head instantly as fast as her cheeks took on a slightly pink tint. I felt relief as I realized the eyes weren't dark green, but a lovely shade of clear brown. Shock also washed through me as I wondered how such a captivating girl could have ever been considered not much in my eyes. I'd never seen Bella Swan look so exquisite.

"I can't, er, don't dance." she stuttered, still looking down in an attempt to conceal her growing blush.

"Nonsense, I can," I contradicted, offering her my hand, becoming unsure on whether I really did still want to dance. The unnatural gravitational pull deemed yes. She shook her head shyly, causing it to intensify.

"I honestly can't dance, sorry." She admitted, her cheeks visibly turning a dark scarlet as her blush deepened still.

I could see Jessica making a bee line straight towards me again as she detected my struggle. I reached down and took Bella's hand impatiently. "Humor me," I mumbled, dragging her towards the dance floor. The contact of our hands sent a painfully new electric jolt through my body. I nibbled on the edge of my bottom lip as I fought back the craving to double over. She looked up in surprise at my words, her eyes widening in shock as she took me in.

"Edward Cullen?" she sounded confused, surprised and, most of all, defensive, almost as if she thought it was a joke she didn't wish to be a part of. Well it was a joke in a way, I guess. I was using her as an excuse to stay away from Jessica . . . right?

"Were you expecting someone else?" I teased lightly. She blushed again, looking away. Natural color, lovely.

"No." She whispered, slight pain detectable in the single syllable word. My eyes narrowed in confusion to the sound of her response.

"Well then, what's the big surprise?" I wondered innocently, though I knew the answer before it would come. _You're Edward Cullen, you don't date_. She'd say. I'd shrug, she'd think this meant I liked her enough to date and then she'd become another painfully obsessed girl. Wonderful.

"Out of all the girls in the room . . ." she trailed off as she looked around the room until her eyes slipped back to mine. The connected for a moment before she looked away as blood flushed her cheeks. "After what happened I . . . You're just so . . . Out of all the girls in the room . . ." her volume glided from audible to silence as she tried to find the correct statement to use. I didn't need to hear them to know what she'd been attempting to express.

"Bella, you look stunning tonight," I complimented her heartedly. Her whole face flushed pink and she refused to meet my gaze again. We continued to twirl across the dance floor in a comfortable silence. As the sympathy that had been dancing through the room drew to a close Bella slowly lifted her eyes back to mine. The moment her eyes met mine reality seemed to melt away, taking the pain that her pale skin and dark brown hair afflicted on me. My memory went dormant and, for the first time in months, I felt relaxed. A giant weight was lifted from my chest and my heart bounced erratically against it without restraint. I took a deep breath as the depth of Bella's eyes cleared my lungs. I hadn't felt this free in what felt like a lifetime.

I don't know how long we danced, neither of us ever grew tired it seemed. My whole body was dominated by an emotion I'd yet to experience. It felt unsteady and lethal in the likes of me, yet it was welcome in exchange for the heavy pain it had easily replaced. I never wanted to stop gliding through heaven with this angel.

It was awhile until either of us noticed that the orchestra had left and that the DJ was now playing booming, up pace music around us; not that this stopped us right away. Bella seemed to realize later then me as she finally broke her eyes from mine and looked around. Immediately I felt my safe haven fall and drop be back onto earth with unnecessary force. Her enchanting eyes popped in surprise as she realized what music was now playing. She blushed and smiled feverishly at me. She released her hands from around my neck as she noticed they were no longer on my shoulders where they had started. It was then also that I realized I'd wound my arms around her waist and slide my feet under hers. I must have been so preoccupied with the relief her eyes provided me that I grew tired with her constant stumbling. She stepped down from my feet, seemingly reluctant, but didn't try to free herself from my arms.

"Would you like a drink?" I questioned, slightly unsure. She must want something if she stopped dancing, right? I'd never danced with a girl long enough that it'd been er that had ended up breaking away. She nodded in relief.

"That sounds wonderful," she accepted. "I'll be over there." She added, pointing to the far end of the refreshment tables where a few two person round tables rested. I smiled and nodded as I released her and headed towards the refreshments. The minute we no longer were making contact the pain enveloped me, making my breaths grow shallow and strained. I fought for control over myself as I reached the punch bowl.

"Oh la la!" A voice I'd been hoping not to hear rung through my ears. "Edward's actually found a girl he seems to _like._ Is the world as we know it coming to an end?" I turned to scowl at Alice's teasing. I didn't needed to be taunted right now, I was in too much pain by the stirring of the memory Bella's features brought to me. I needed to gaze back into the shelter of Bella's deep brown eyes.

"Not now, Alice." I snapped, annoyed, as I filled a circular glass cup with red, ice cream filled punch. Her mockery wasn't going to be stopped, this I accepted with poor grace. She whistled as I poured another glass.

"That one for Bella?" she mocked, flitting beside me as I tried to ignore her. I lengthened my strides.

"Shouldn't you be annoying someone else, like maybe your fiancee?" I snapped.

"Fine, be no fun." Alice pouted. She glided away back towards Jasper who stood by the refreshment tables at the other side of the room. He shrugged helplessly at me like there'd been no way for him to have stopped her. I rose an eyebrow skeptically at him before I turned my attention back to the goddess in blue.

She was weaseling her feet out of her heels as I approached. When I set down her glass her head snapped up. Blush colored her cheeks a nice shade of pink as she straightened herself up. "Thanks," she whispered, taking the glass and taking a long sip. I didn't realize how truly thirsty she was. The moment she finished hers I pushed mine across the table for her. Her lasting blush darkened and she shook her head.

"You're thirsty," I reminded her, looking her intently in the eyes and smiling as the pain drifted away. "Please, I insist." I waited in silence until my glass was drained too, anxious for the moment our eyes would meet again as she focused on the glass. She sighed and leaned back slightly as she gently placed my glass back onto the table.

"How come I've never met you before?" I wondered aloud, locking my eyes securely to Bella's.

"You have, you came over for dinner a few times," she reminded me bluntly, missing the actual question.

I shook my head, my eyes never leaving the security of her wide brown eyes. "No, no, I mean before I left last August."

Bella averted her eyes as she tilted her head down. I regretted the question immediately. "Because I didn't live here yet," she responded quietly.

"Oh?" I hinted, curious to depict the reasoning for this reaction. I waited patiently for her response.

"Yeah."

I knew that was all I'd get on that topic for now, so I didn't bother to prod further. I just smiled in relief yet again as she returned his eyes back to mine.

We spent the rest of the night talking. I didn't ask her to dance again for I could tell how uncomfortable she had been in her heels. We spoke about our lives in Forks, our limited friends, family, my funny experiences in exotic places she'd never heard of, and other side things. I didn't fail to notice how she tended to stray away from any subject that related to her past life back in Phoenix, nor did she seem to ignore the fact that I refused to speak of the war. All too soon the music around us began to die down and people began to drizzle out.

"Do you need a ride?" I asked politely, mentally willing her to say yes, though I wondered how I'd be able to focus on driving with the pain that dwelled inside of me when I couldn't gaze into her eyes. She opened her mouth to respond but was cut off.

"Bella, hurry up!" Alice crooned, skipping over to shake her head disapprovingly at Bella's shoeless feet. "Put your heels back on, we've got to get you home. I promised Charlie you'd be home before midnight, he won't be please."

Bella blushed again as she pulled her complicated heels back onto her feet. "Maybe next time." She murmured to me before she vanished into the thinning crowd, towed impatiently by Alice.

I sighed and, looking around, realized that I'd just found my last standing sanctuary from my torturous world. Now let's just see if I can go without killing this one.


	6. Chapter 5 My Mia

_A/N- I am honestly annoyed with the amount of ppl reading my story in correlation to how many are reviewing. I don't improve or know if what I am writing is good enough when I do not get your opnion through a review. Please leave me a review, I feel as if I have no point in writing these. In which case I might stop and just focus on my book._

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_**BPOV**

"Bella, you feel okay?"

My head snapped away from the coolness the window provided for my hot face as I looked over to Alice, slightly frazzled. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and, above all, dazed. I feared that there had been alcohol in the beverage Edward had given me– had he really been talking to me. I couldn't trust myself. I felt like I was seeing the world I wanted to see it. I hadn't experienced people acting this friendly towards me since grade school. I took a deep breath, trying to stabilize myself before I addressed Alice's question or Jasper's concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm just fine." I lied poorly, keeping it short so at least my voice wouldn't crack. Neither looked the slightest convinced, but Jasper let it drop. Alice, on the other hand, wasn't going to swallow my terrible lie.

"Maybe I should have taken you home early," Alice mumbled, glancing over towards the glowing digital clock below the radio that was a hushed background in the car. She snuggled closer into Jasper's side as he drove. "I promised Charlie I'd have you home by midnight regardless. I hope he's not mad."

I sighed, observing how it was already ten after twelve. _Let him be mad_. I thought to myself as I tilted my head back towards the cold window. All this new hurt. I wasn't used to letting my guard down, to letting people get a full two sentences out of me. I shouldn't be allowing this closeness between me and Alice, and Edward. I would have to let them both know somehow I just couldn't do this. I couldn't trust anyone after what had happened years ago. I'd trusted them equally and they had thrown me away like nothing. I sighed louder, audibly, catching Alice's attention yet again.

"Did you enjoy your time with Edward Cullen?" Alice mused, smiling slyly at Jasper before turning and grinning at me. I rolled my eyes, determined to act like nothing had happened. Well, nothing had really.

"It was . . . different," I managed, trying to keep my cool and stretch the truth as far as it would go so as not to let on that I was lying. "He's a decent dancer." I bit my tongue, keeping in a snort that was fighting to surface. Decent was a large understatement. Edward had to be the best dancer I'd ever had the faintest pleasure of dancing with, despite the lack in number of people I'd ever danced with. I heard my heart beat erratically. I suppressed a groan and the urge to double over and beg with myself to stop thinking about my past. _It's all behind you now. _I reminded myself for the umptieth time.

"Runs in the family," Alice smirked, studying my face. She tilted her head slightly as her eyes dropped just below my eyes to my cheeks. "Are you positive your feeling okay?" I realized she was referring to the fact that my cheeks were neither flushed red nor the slightest bit pink at all. I looked back out the window and silently cleared my throat.

"I'm fine Alice," I repeated, my voice impassive. Lying was something I was terrible at. Distance, on the other hand, I had down pat. "Can you just drop it?"

I heard her grunt in disapproval at my demeanor, but shifted around in her seat so that she was facing forward. I looked away in disgust as she nuzzled her head into Jasper's shoulder. The fault line that Alice had faltered in my chest earlier throbbed painfully as I looked out into the blackness of the night as it swept past me. I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead tight against the cold window. The patter of rain drifted to my ears as droplets began to beat against the window. I frowned. It had been such a nice night. The steady rhythm of the rain matched the beating of my throbbing heart. Despite the fact that I was in pain, I couldn't help but find this soothing.

"Bella? We're at your house hun," Alice's voice awoke me from the state of semiconsciousness I had roved into. I hadn't fallen completely asleep, just drifted somewhere between attentive and somnolent. I have been thinking over mind numbing inconsequential details concerning my soon to come college life. It had seemed like no more then twenty minutes had passed since my slight discussion with Alice. Barely half an hour was not the time it took to get from Port Angles to Charlie's.

I pulled my face reluctantly from the cool window, trying unsuccessfully to block out the oncoming pain. I looked back out the window in awe to see Charlie's small white house resting just beyond the small walk from the curb. The rain, thankfully, had lightened significantly. I smiled feverishly at Alice who was glancing back at me expectantly.

"Thanks for the ride Alice," I said, forgetting temporarily that I was trying to drift away from a friendship with her. "And sort of thanks for forcing me to look nice." Alice chuckled at my twisted expression. I quickly caught myself and dropped my expression to look indifferent. Pushing the door open, I turned back to wave halfheartedly at Alice. Catching on to the sudden change in my expression, Alice's eyebrows dipped in confusion.

"Anytime Bella," she assured me politely, tilting her head as she tried to decipher what I was thinking. "Call me if you want to talk, okay?" I turned my head so that she could see my face, rolling my eyes so that she could see. Alice recoiled in shock at my actions. I felt a strange twinge of sadness.

"Later Alice." I murmured. I threw myself from the car and stumbled through the rain towards the door. The car stood idle for a few moments before the engine revved and they sped down the road. Now I realized how we'd ended up home so fast. I snatched the key from under the eave and slide it into the lock, silently slipping through the doorway.

The house was abnormally cold as I stepped into the threshold. I ignored the shivers as they racked through my body, rushing up the steps to get to my room. I tripped a few times as the same feelings I'd experienced in my room with Alice overcame my flimsy defense. The hurt, the embarrassment, the physical pain; all as fresh as it was every time the memory peaked through my memory. I groaned as I staggered past the bathroom, deciding that a shower in the morning would be a better idea. I flopped down on my bed face first, unable to move. I crawled to the center of my bed, pulling myself into a fetal position as I wrapped my quilt around me.

If only Edward had accepted my original answer that I didn't want to dance. This could have been avoided. Along with if Alice had just realized that I don't need reminders to what happened back in Phoenix. I shouldn't let my guard down like this, all it'll result in is this. Pain. The refreshing of my pained memory.

Tears began to flow relentlessly down my face as the terrible memories relayed themselves behind my closed lids. I opened my eyes wide, staring into the darkness my quilt provided me. I buried my wet face into it, trying to slow my tears. I sniffled, wishing that this would all just disappear. To keep myself distracted I ran through a list of profanities, a list of things that I would have loved to shove in Edward and Alice's faces for forcing me into this. Deep down I began to feel slightly guilty though. They hadn't meant too, they were just being nice . . .

I felt my consciousness fall away from beneath me.

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_I was sitting in a car that seemed very familiar, yet distant to me. Sunlight bounced through the windows casting lovely rainbows off the sunglasses that rested on the headboard in front of me. Despite the warmth the sun should have been providing I felt cold, unnerved. It was like something bad that I was physically aware of was about to occur, but mentally, I was lost. I inhaled a shaky breath as I pondered what this could possibly be that was causing me such discomfort. _

_A light tap on the window broke my concentration. I looked over to the window it receded from, the driver's, to see Renee waving at me. It hit me like a freight train. I was sitting in the oh too familiar car of Renee, in the dwelling of a memory that was the beginning of it all. I wanted to escape, but the dream had no intention of me leaving. I watched helplessly as Renee pulled open the door and plopped into the driver's seat, a proud, gleeful smile plastered to her face. _

"_You excited for your first day of highschool baby?" Renee asked me, her voice radiating in excitement I couldn't possibly reverberate. _

"_Oh my god, you have no idea," I found myself responding, my voice sounding a strange tone of anxious. I looked around the car to check to see if anyone else was in the car that could have said that for me. It was empty except for us. I turned back front to see the car pulling away from my old driveway._

"_I'm glad," Renee said happily, glancing over at me quickly to check to see if I was glad too. Apparently my expression pleased her because her smile widened and turned back to face the road. "I was afraid you'd be depressed without Mia here with you." _

_There was a slight pause in the conversation in which I felt myself cringe at Renee's words. Mia. She had been my best friend all through grade school and junior high. She had moved to New York in August right before our freshman year started. I'd been devastated. "I'm not saying that I'm not, Renee." I heard my voice sound. I sounded tired, worried. I opened my mouth to respond in a different way, to tell Renee that maybe I should miss the first day and just go tomorrow instead, but no noise came out. _

"_Oh hun, you'll make new friends," Renee promised me, stretching her hand out to my left knee and squeezing it momentarily. She sighed as she replaced it onto the steering wheel. "Mia wasn't always going to be there for you." _

"_Will you be?" I didn't want to say this, I hadn't tried to. The words had just come out like all the rest. It dawned on me that I wasn't really sitting in the passengers seat, I was drifting in what seemed like midair, directly above the seat. Slanting my head down I saw me sitting in the passengers seat below. I groaned. It was just a dream that I'd be forced to sit through and watch it all pass me by. _

"_Always." Renee vowed, turning her head to smile at me. I saw myself returning her smile, relishing the fact that I'd always have Renee to lean on, to trust with everything. Anger boiled up inside of me as this recollection registered in my head._

"_Oh but you weren't Renee!" I yelled, or tried too. I knew that it wasn't going to be heard by her, by anyone. It just felt better to get it off my chest. "You didn't help me Renee! When I needed it the most, you just ignored me! Renee you know you could have stopped them, but you didn't! You promised me you'd be my Mia, but you __**weren't**__!"_

_A/N- for the sake of people who might not understand it, the last part in italics is Bella's dream while she was sleeping. Sorry if it isn't clear enough._

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	7. Chapter 6 Sting

**_A/N- I will not continue to write if I don't get reviews from the people who are reading this and aren't one of my best friends. I have well more then five people reading each chapter. I won't post the next chapter until I get at least five reviews. _**

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**EPOV**

"_CODE RED, CODE RED! A BOMB IS IN THE BUILDING! EVACUATE ALL!" _

_I didn't quite understand these words as the loud speaker screamed at us. How was this code red? I thought when the enemy was attacking us then it was code red, or maybe it was when we were being bombed. It changed so much. Maybe code red was just referring to the fact that this instance was just a moment of extreme stress._

"_Edward! Get your ass out of bed!" Emmett boomed, pushing me out of the hammock I laid in, still half latent. I rolled out of the oddly comforting fabric and landed with a dull thud onto the cement floor. My head snapped up as reality registered with me. The speaker wasn't just a dream, it was real. I pushed myself from the ground and licked my lips in anxiety. This was the first serious situation that we'd been faced with in the six months that we'd been at war. Defending this small, crumbling village was perhaps the easiest thing we could have been assigned. I tasted the salty warmth of my own blood trickling from my bottom lip down my throat. I glowered at Emmett._

"_Dude, we don't have time," He snapped, pulling me to my feet and slapping a backpack over my left shoulder. "Clear out the right wing." I nodded solemnly to my brother and stooped from the low ceilinged room, breaking into a run the moment I was in the hallway. _

"_FIVE MINUTES, I REPEAT, THE BOMB GOES OFF IN FIVE MINUTES MEN!" I quickened my pace, sprinting through the empty hallway, peaking my head in through each door less room. All of the small stone rooms had been emptied before I'd arrived. Though this meant my job was trivial, at least the people were safe. I stopped checking each room as I grew nervous by the time. It didn't matter, they were all cleared. _

"_TWO MINUTES!" The speaker screeched. Whatever was holding down the button failed to be released as the man near the microphone grabbed his stuff and booked it._

"_WHY DON'T YOU STOP THE FUCKING BOMB FROM GOING OFF THEN!" I yelled in spite of myself as I failed to find the exit of the building. The walls were beginning to look the same. I feared I was lost. I heard a small whimper in response to my harsh outburst recede from the room ahead of me. I contemplated whether I should stop or not. I turned quickly into the room, remembering that this was my duty. The only one I'd really had in two months. _

_A scream pierced my ears the moment I was through the archway. In the corner of the small stone-walled room sat a petite, pale girl who looked no older then seven. She looked at me with wide eyes, her long brown hair stained with blood and obscuring most of her bloody face. Her arms were covered with bloody slits, her clothing no more then shreds of cloth draped over her willowy form. She had her skinned knees pulled to her chest, her head tilting as she looked at me with such extreme terror that it twisted my chest and made breathing difficult._

"_Little girl," I addressed her, trying to make my voice sound gentle and welcoming. It came out rushed and authoritative. "I need you to come with me, now." _

_Her lips parted, but a scream failed to escape her as tears began to flow down her face. I watched her begin to sob desperately. "Please don't hurt me!" She pleaded in choked up gasps, her eyes sliding closer as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. "I'll behave. Just don't cut me again!" _

_I knelt before the girl and held out my hand cautiously. Time was ticking away and I didn't know where I was here. I saw a little reason to rush. _

"_I won't hurt you."_

_The little girl opened her eyes halfway to survey me skeptically. "That's what they said last time," She told me, her tears subsiding as she pushed herself against the wall, further from me._

"_I'm not one of them," I rushed my words. I was growing extremely anxious, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave this poor tortured girl to die. "I won't hurt you."_

_The girl looked up at me, her foggy green eyes wide with dismay. "Never?"_

"_Never, I promise."_

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"Dude, Edward, wake up you baby! You're getting the whole bed wet. I hope you're not peeing in that bed too." I felt my head get knocked roughly with a pillow. I made no move to get up or to stop the tears that had been streaming down my face. _I had promised . . ._

"Leave him alone, Emmett," I heard Jasper's reasonable voice intercede. The pillow stopped wacking my head. "He's having a bad dream, he's not going to want to put up with us when he wakes." Sometimes I wasn't grateful enough that Alice had managed to make Jasper fall in love with her.

Emmett sighed and my bed groaned as he lifted himself from it. "I'm famished, that ball sure took a lot out of me," He declared.

"Me too," Jasper agreed. "Esme's making breakfast, let's go grab some grub." Emmett didn't need too hear the suggestion of food twice before he had broke into an audible sprint out the door and down the stairs toward the kitchen. I heard Jasper's not as weighted steps pause by the door. I sighed and rolled over to face him, wiping the pathetic tears from my face, I opened my puffy eyes to see him still standing in the archway eying me with concern and sympathy.

"Dude, if you need to talk I'm here for ya," He offered quietly. I pushed myself up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. A stray tear ran down my cheek. I dropped my face into my hands.

"I promised her," I whispered. It was mostly to myself, Jasper had heard me say this a million times. She'd been so innocent, so tortured. I still couldn't believe I managed to live with myself day after agonizing day. Jasper didn't say anything. He knew from much experience that I'd really be willing to talk if I said more. He eventually broke the silence with a loud sigh.

"Let's go eat," Jasper suggested, ending the pained silence. I peeked up at him. His eyes were full of sorrow as he scanned my devastated posture. I hadn't changed at all, despite the month of solitude we'd put between us and that terrible mistake I'd made.

"Sure," I sighed, seemingly reluctant as I pushed myself up and trailed over to Jasper's side. He threw his arm over my shoulders and patted my back reassuringly.

"Mistakes happen dude."

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"Alice, Jasper, Edward!" Chief Swan boomed as the door to his house was thrown aside by someone who I refused to make eye contact with, despite my desperate longing. Rosalie and Emmett had gotten off easy. It was only four days after the ball and Charlie had invited us all over for dinner, again. The two of them had already had dinner plans with some of their friends, leaving the three of us to deal with Charlie's freakish hospitality. I fought back a yawn as Charlie ushered us in, paying no mind to him. I had gotten little sleep since the ball and was exhausted beyond belief.

I was so frazzled I didn't realize that Alice and Jasper had already trooped in, leaving me standing on the doorstep looking like a fool. I glanced towards the door to catch Bella's tender brown eyes focused in on my face. The minute our eyes made contact we whipped our faces in opposite directions. I averted my eyes awkwardly to the ground. I needed to break it off with Bella. She had stirred back the recollection of the terrible wrong I did that kept repeating in an always torturous nightmare every night. If I got her out of my thoughts and me out of hers, maybe they'll just go away. I just hoped I hadn't led her on too bad.

"You coming in?" Bella questioned, her voice surprisingly impassive. I had suspected her to sound anxious, or flirtatious. I spied up at her from under my long, dark lashes. She was looking at me expectantly and impatiently with one hand on her right hip as she half leaned against the open door. She looked calm and indifferent, as if Saturday night had never occurred.

I nodded, frowning back at her, frivolously. She rolled her eyes and released the door as I stepped into the archway. I was caught by surprise as I noticed some peculiar about her as she turned; she blushed. The sight of her blush, even if it could merely be from anger or irritation, made my heart throb painfully for reasons I couldn't state. Nonetheless I felt obligated to speak face to face with Bella. To tell her that it had been no more than a spur of the moment decision Saturday night at the ball and that I wasn't interested in her. I only hoped that my lie would be harsh enough to get her off my case . . . if she was even on it.

I followed silently after Bella as she toppled into the kitchen, nearly tripping over nothing as the floor switched from hardwood to tile. I stopped at the edge of the kitchen as I spotted another boy in the kitchen. Bella came up to him and swatted his bulky hands away from her dessert platter. He chuckled and nudged Bella in the shoulder. She staggered sideways, turning her face to stick her tongue out childishly at the tall boy.

"Go out and wait for food like the rest of them are, Jake," Her lovely imperfect voice ordered the boy. The boy, Jake I gathered, huffed loudly, crossed his arms and shook his head stubbornly.

"Fine," he replied reluctantly, turning to make his exit. I'd been so captivated in my thoughts and what I'd been watching that it'd slipped from my mind that I was standing right in their eye range.

"Hey," Jake greeted, looking slightly shocked to see me standing there. "You a Cullen or a Hale?" His lack of formality reminded me of Emmett.

"Cullen," I informed him, grinning faintly to myself as I realized what I'd sound like next before the words were formed. "Edward Cullen."

Jake snorted. "And I'm Black, Jacob Black," he mocked. Yes, definitely another Emmet. I thought that one was more than enough.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Jacob." I said primly. Jacob made a face as Bella pushed past him, hitting him gruffly on the shoulder and muttering something unintelligible. As much as I was trying to convince myself I didn't want her too, I kept hoping that Bella's warm brown eyes would meet my gaze and provide me with the safe haven I'd found refuge in four nights ago. She kept her eyes on the two peculiarly placed platters of food in her hands. I would have willed them to tip if I hadn't known her food to be so succulent.

"Was the force all its cracked up to be?" Jacob asked absently, glancing cautiously over his shoulder as he snuck back towards the cookies on the dessert platter.

"Not one bit." I replied, my voice just a little too sour for my liking. Jacob dropped the cookie he'd been about to eat and eyed me quizzically, wondering what he'd done wrong.

"Did you kill anybody?"

I cringed at his innocent question. I knew he was just joking, asking only to create light small talk, but that didn't stop the fault line in my chest from rippling before it broke away in agony. I wrapped my arms around my chest to pull it back together. Inhaling deeply, I loosened my death hold on my torso and tried to make it look casual. My lips parted. _Damn you Jacob_. No words escaped. I turned on my heel and walked stiffly from the room, incapable of voicing a response. I was on the verge of breaking down. Where was their bathroom again . . .?

I turned right as I passed through the archway from the kitchen as I remembered the bathroom was upstairs. A sharp intake of breath pulled me from my pained revere as I found myself face to face with my sanctuary. I knew I was trying to withdraw myself from relying on her safety in the slightest, but I just couldn't find it in myself to look away. I felt compelled to speak. Maybe that would break this surreal trance between us.

"Uh, Bella, I-"

"Save it," Bella snapped, though her voice was tentative. My mouth fell into a thin line at her rudeness. Her cheeks reddened as she averted her eyes from mine. "Just leave me alone Edward."

She stepped around me and staggered into the living room with the fish platter still in her hands. I was too bemused to wonder why she only had one platter now. I had wanted to be out of her thoughts, but would this really get her out of mine?

And if it was what I had wanted then why did it sting?


	8. Chapter 7 Lola

_A/N-thank uuu to everyone who reviewed. I know, by my story traffic, that there are still sooo many people not reviewing. excuse my nagging, but that really does bother me. **I'm keeping to my five reviews equals chapter**, i'm not going to have this story end up like my last. Now, please enjoy _**_Lola_**

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**BPOV**

"You want to want to talk about something, Bells? You seem like you've got a lot on your mind lately."

Jacob's concern reminded me of that of a brother. In a way he was definitely my brother. He was the only person I had opened up to since I'd arrived in Forks. He had just grown onto me, with all the time Charlie spent with Billy I couldn't say I was surprised. He'd always been here for me, always willing to listen and give me his advice, even if it often did me no good. He'd been my safe harbor, my sun breaking through an everlasting cloud. I was so vulnerable when I was around him because my guard was down. I had no fear in him hurting me. Lately a weird tension had formed between me and him that only I seemed to sense. I was beginning to feel more and more exposed near him, the sensation of safety slowly slipping away . . .

I sighed, turning my head so I could look at him as we walked side by side down the first beach in La Push. I'd been too restless to stay in his small house to sit and fake watching whatever game it was this time that Charlie and Billy were ogling over.

"What do you know about Edward Cullen?"

My question caught him off guard. He snapped his head back at me to eye me quizzically. I had no idea what my expression looked like to him. I could feel the warm blood dotting my cheeks as always, otherwise my face was numb like the rest of me. I looked away in chagrin and confusion. Why was I blushing?

The past three days I'd put between me and the ball had given me time to finalize my decision. I would have to somehow let Edward know I wasn't interested. I knew I had no way of saying that to his face. I'm no good at lying.

"Uh, he used to be pretty popular," Jacob answered my question from before. I snapped my head back to listen to him. I'd forgotten I'd even voiced anything. "And he use to be so outgoing all the time. Everyone loved him. He was actually friends with a few guys from here, but I never got to know him that well. He was too much of a party guy from my liking."

I listened in disbelief. This Edward sounded nothing like the one I'd gotten to know. "That doesn't sound like him." I vocalized, looking at him expectantly.

A look of sorrow crossed Jacob's face before he turned his head slowly to face forward and slow his pace. "I don't know what happened," he explained, his voice becoming soft and tentative. "Something about the war changed him. Drastically."

It fell silent after that. I listened to Jacob's breaths rise and fall in harmony to the crashing of the waves beside us as I avoided my thoughts. They evaded me after several moments of comfortable silence. Charlie was inviting the Cullens and Hales over for dinner, again, tonight and I knew I was nowhere near ready to deal with Edward. I could give him the best cold shoulder that I could manage. Still, I'd be lonely. I couldn't to it without Jacob there.

"Jacob, will you come over for dinner tonight?" I pleaded, though tried not to let it show just how desperate I truly was for him to answer yes. He studied my face momentarily before smiling slightly and nodding. He remained silent for the rest of the walk, not questioning my reason for the sudden invite. Sometimes I had absolutely no idea how I would ever survive my life without Jacob Black as its key component.

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"If you don't want to get trampled by Charlie then you should just stay in here," I warned Jacob as I finished making the final touches on the fish I'd made for dinner. A light tapping on the door followed shortly after. Jacob chuckled and nudged my shoulder towards the door in silent reassurance.

"But if you want any cookies left on that tray you wouldn't leave me here unattended," he pointed out, smirking to himself as he eyed the multitude he'd helped me make earlier for dessert.

I smacked his shoulder as he pulled back to stand straight. "No Jacob," I chastised sternly. He snorted and rolled his eyes, but complied. In two large strides he moved so that the island was between us and dropped down onto one of the stools. He propped his chin into his hands and lazily waved me out.

I would have protested to his teasing had I not heard another round of taps recede from the door, slightly louder and impatient. I sighed and tore my eyes from Jacob to answer the door, knowing well that there would be one less cookie on my return.

"Alice, Jasper, Edward!" Charlie welcomed them loudly as I swung the open the door for him. I groaned silently to myself as Charlie began his bizarre ritual of greetings and pressed half my weight against the door in pure boredom. I purposely kept my eyes averted from Edward to stick to my plan. I had to act cruel. Something I hadn't done intentionally for over a year.

"Oh yes, come in. Dinner was just pulled out of the oven," Charlie nearly lilted as he ushered them in. It came to my attention that there was only three people standing on Charlie's doorstep: they were lacking in Emmett and Rosalie. Charlie seemed unfazed by the absence of the two, I gathered he must have known. That's good, Jacob won't be forced to stop himself from over eating his share of my food. I giggled noiselessly to myself as Alice danced part me, towing Jasper close behind her.

I was about to turn and follow after them when I noticed one still stood on the steps. Edward's shoulders slouched in evident exhaustion. I felt my shield drop as my expression softened at the sight of his vulnerability. I stared at him helplessly. _If only there was someway I could __**know **__I can trust him._

It only took a few moments for Edward to realize that everyone else had entered the house. I quickly rearranged my face, with difficulty, to make me appear irritated and impatient. I slid my right hand down to rest awkwardly on my hip and flicked my hair behind my shoulder. I felt like a totally different person. The kind of person even I'd hate.

His beautiful emeralds came in contact with my irritated eyes for merely a second before it became too much for me. I whipped my head sideways, focusing in on my old red truck that was parked against the curb. Curiosity promptly got the better of me and I cautiously looked down at Edward again, plastering a look of expectance and agitation to my face. The agitation was easy to unearth, I was plenty agitated with myself in the current situation.

I slowly grew impatient as he glanced up at me through his long lashes. I leaned fully against the door as I awaited a reaction. Nothing. I sighed internally. I didn't want to do this!

"You coming in?" I asked as he continued to refused to fully meet my gaze. Edward flicked his head up to scrutinize me, curiosity and shock dwelling in his green eyes. I understood his reaction, I surprised myself by how I'd maintained such a cool and nonchalant tone. I could feel my hard face breaking, but I tried with all my might to keep my expression cool and detached as he eyed me warily. He nodded after a moment of silence, his mouth twisting into a apathetic frown as if to mimic my act. I felt my insides boil in despair as I forced my eyes to spin in their sockets and peeled my hand from the door to drop it into Edward's face. This harshness was not part of my daily life anymore, I couldn't handle it. I felt the traitor blush find its way swiftly to color my cheeks. I turned in haste to conceal it. There was no doubt that something as innocent as blush would give my whole scheme away.

It fell noiseless behind me as I approached the kitchen and I assumed that Edward had found his way to the living room. I easily managed to trip over my nothing as I entered the kitchen. I rolled when eyes in disapproval the moment I caught sight of Jacob off his stool towering over my defenseless cookies. I rushed over to him, swatting at his massive, greedy hands. His hands instantly recoiled as he rubbed the tops of them, pretending for my sake that my feeble hits actually had an affect on him. I made a face at his mockery. Snickering at the look on my face as he bumped his shoulder into me with enough force to cause me to tip me sideways. Immaturely, I turned my head and stuck my tongue out at him, my eyes slipping closed momentarily in the process.

"Go out and wait for your food like the rest of them are, Jake," I instructed as I regained my balance, eying him skeptically as he crossed his arms and exhaled loudly. I bit my lip to prevent a guffaw from bursting out. That's what he was trying to make me do.

"Fine." Jacob groaned when I failed to crack. I smiled triumphantly as he turned to head towards the living room. I stepped into the space he now left open to gather two large dinner plates in my hands; the fish and mashed potatoes.

"Hey," Jacob said suddenly. The dishes shook dangerously in my hands and I turned my head p to scold him for both not being in the living room and for frightening me. My lips parted, the words catching in my throat as I noticed his gaze was not focused in on me. I slowly turned my head to see whom he had greeted.

A flash of surprised warmth washed through my body, finding refuge in my cheeks. My blush grew as Jacob continued to talk. "You a Cullen or a Hale?" He questioned Edward. I slid my eyes reluctantly back to the food in my hands, resisting the tempting urge to side glance at Edward to see if he was looking back at me.

"Cullen," Edward responded, his voice apathetic. "Edward Cullen." I bit my lip at his ridiculous accidental.

"And I'm Black, Jacob Black," Jacob snorted, cracking a cocky grin as he looked at me eagerly as I failed to laugh at the foolish joke. I rolled my eyes again and pushed past him, placeing a tray on the island briefly to swat Jacob harshly on the shoulder.

"Immature," I muttered quietly to myself as I gathered the trays again and continued walking. If it was anybody _but_ Edward I would have snorted at his slip and then cracked up at Jacob. I was still under the curse of acting like a brat, though. All this did was bring back the pained memories I'd long since pushed from my mind.

I felt my breathing speed as I kept my eyes glued to the platters, seeing right through them. I tried to push the continuation of the recollection of what had started this all, but it was edging past my weakening defenses. I pivoted right the moment I was free of the kitchen, only faintly aware of the small talk the two shared behind me. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down to the ground, keeping my knees curled into my chest as I placed the platters onto the ground beside me.

It had been the first day of school, just after the car ride I'd been reliving in my dreams every night since Saturday. My mind had been doing such a good job concealing it all from me, obscuring the misery. Now the seal was broken and the next memory flowed unyieldingly into my head.

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"_Now you have a good first day, baby," Renee cooed softly as she pulled the car to idle at the curb in front of the sidewalk leading into the school. "Make lots of new friends, learn stuff, yada, yada."_

_I smirked nervously back at her as she patted my shoulder encouragingly. I rolled my eyes and shrugged her hand off good-naturedly. "I'm not in kindergarten Renee," I reminded her as I pushed the door open. She watched me leave warily, as if she found no difference in my first of high school from my first day _of_ school. I sighed, letting my lids slip close as I shook my head in mock disbelief. "Later mom."_

_I slammed the car door closed and shuffled towards the school door, all my courage and confidence melting away instantly. I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat as I arrived at the door. Realizing that I could stall no more, I pulled the door aside and began my way through the halls._

_Two weeks ago all the freshmen had been summoned to the school to have a quick tour of the new building and were given their locker. I was relieved that they had done so for I was in no mood to socialize with anyone. The halls this morning were different than they had been two weeks ago, though. Now they were cramped with sophomores, juniors and seniors along with the unsteady freshmen. They were all rowdy and obnoxious, running up to their friends to cry out and greet each other enthusiastically._

_That's where I felt so left out. Here I was, walking down the hall, all alone on the first day of high school. Mia had been my best friend, all that I'd ever needed, the only person I had trusted and depended on wholeheartedly. Then, when I needed her most, her mother decides to take a job offer all the way over in _Washington,D.C._! We had both been devastated. No, that's an understatement. It doesn't even begin to describe how we felt when her mother had finally enlightened us with this tragic news. We had listened in dismay, crying the moment she stopped to take a shaky breath of her own. _

_As I pulled myself unwillingly from my reverie I found that I was mere steps from my locker. I was proud I'd made it this far without breaking down. On either side of me groups of friends gathered, fervently reliving their summers to one another. I put in my combination vacantly, pulling out my schedule from where it was taped inside to replace it with my bag without paying my actions any mind. I sighed in surrender as I slowly shut the metal door._

"_Excuse me, but could you show me how to work your lockers?" an unfamiliar voice asked me from behind as I turned my back, about to head towards my first period class. I turned to see a girl with curly red hair and a dark complection smiling back at me timidly. She had lovely, round green eyes and truly was a beautiful girl. What bothered me was a girl with her looks had to be remotely popular. Therefore, why didn't I know who she was and why was she talking to me?_

"_Uh, sure," I finally replied, turning myself fully to face her. "You have to turn it left first for this row of lockers. Some flaw in the system or something." The girl smiled graciously at me as she spun her lock with a new found ease and tugged her locker open._

"_Forgive me, I wasn't settled in yet on the night of the introduction for the freshmen," she explained, her voice turning more confident now that she had her locker, at least, figured out. "I'm Lola by the way." She offered me her hand with a more relaxed smile._

"_I'm Bella Swan," I told her shyly, stretching my hand forward to shake hers. I pulled it back with an embarrassed giggle and flushed cheeks as I realized that my hand still held my schedule. Lola looked from my hand to her locker. Reaching in, she retrieved hers._

"_Hey, I have Spanish first period too, show me where?" She suggested, throwing the remainders of her belongings into her locker and holding her binder closer to her chest to cover some of her enormous cleavage._

"_Sure." And my fate was sealed._

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"Bella? Bella? Isabella Swan!"

My eyes snapped open as my vivid vision of the school wore away. I felt nauseous, overheated and dizzy. I'd never had such a detailed daydream. I inhaled a jagged breath and my head swan as the oxygen cleared out the rest of my tortured recollection, hiding itself back into the far end of my mind. I blinked. My surroundings slowly registered and I realized that I still sat curled up against the wall. Alice was squatting in front of me, scanning me with anxious eyes.

"Yeah, sorry Alice," I said, still mostly out of it. Alice rose to her feet and offered me her hand, obviously not buying it for a moment. I examined her hand, not taking it straight away. If I accepted her offer up it could also be thought of as me welcoming her fully as a friend. I pushed off the floor myself, bending to pick up the platters as an excuse for why I didn't use her help.

Alice looked slight put out that I didn't acknowledge her friendly gesture, but she shrugged it off and stretched out her other hand. "Let me help you with these," she insisted, pulling the dish of potatoes from my hands before I could protest. She looked me over worriedly again. "Come in to the living room and sit. You look like you've seen a ghost!"

I laughed dryly along with her. She sighed faintly and patted me on the shoulder. Turning towards the living room, Alice turned to beckon me to follow. Taking another deep breath, I set off towards the living room, extremely offset.

My tray collided with something and prevented me from going further. I my head up to catch the green eyes of Edward Cullen. What was he doing in the hallway? I felt agony building up heavily in my chest, ready to evade me the moment I broke free of his gaze. His eyes, the green radiating from them, were ghastly reminders of what I'd worked so hard to erase. I couldn't find it in me to look away, though. His eyes were so clear and they sparkled, beneath deep layers of dull lifelessness. It looked as if he'd buried his true self far away from the world since Saturday night, when I'd actually seen them sparkle, and under thick layers of regret. What was _with _this boy? He walked around like he had a secret, as if he had a mistake that had been so dire he would never relive it unless he could change it completely. Like he even knew the meaning of _mistakes_.

"Uh, Bella," Edward's voice of treason broke the uneasy silence. His voice sounded so flustered, hurt, confused. It was going to pain me to shoot him down. "I-

"Save it." I growled, loathing how my voice, despite my efforts to make it come out sounding authoritative, came out hesitant. I watched his face turn hard and guilty blush colored my cheeks. "Just leave me alone Edward." I paced around him, blinking the moisture that was gathering around the edges of my eyes away. I couldn't be crying, I'd completed what I'd wanted to be down. There was no doubt that Edward and his glorious green eyes would keep their distance from me. I'd already had two faults since I'd met him and I didn't plan on letting the rest of the dreadful memories break through the sanction which hold them to haunt me each time I closed my eyes. It would kill me, from the inside out.

But the memories weren't yet on the lose, so why did it already feel like a part of me had died?


	9. Chapter 8 Anger

**_A/N- this is the last time i'm posting a chapter without five reviews. honestly people, imagine how annoying it is for me to have over thirty people reading the chapter and only getting one or two reviews. Thats like one review every fifteen people. Not. Cool. If you really want to know what happens, then review. If not, then don't. I do not plan on posting until I get more satisfying responses. I'm only on fanfic to improve. Now here's Anger_**

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EPOV

"Oh I just feel so guilty though, Charlie," Alice pleaded with Charlie from where we stood on the doorstep. After the long dinner I'd been forced to sit through I was eager to get home. Alice, on the other hand, was in absolutely no hurry. The fiery sting that had landed deep in the pit of my stomach after Bella's harsh words to me was yet to leave. It sat in the pit of my stomach, occasionally trickling up towards my chest and back down, just to make sure I hadn't forgotten it. I knew what it was telling me. The minute my guard was down it would engulf me. It would take my weak, defenseless body and throw into the awful pit of regret and leave me there to suffer for the rest of the night. It would laugh, amused. It always found my pain comical.

"Oh, why don't you just come over for dinner tomorrow, Charlie?" I froze at Alice's words, my eyes growing wider in betrayed shock. I turned my head to catch Alice's eyes, Jasper bit his lip and shrugged. Keeping her eyes firmly attached to Charlie's, Alice tried again when he shrugged, unsure himself what was going on. "Carlisle and Esme are dying to meet the man that's so kindly been inviting us to dinner, and they're always so busy when you invite us. But they're free tomorrow, and it'd mean the world to them if you were to come over."

Charlie let out a deep sigh and glanced over his shoulder as if he was seeking Bella's help. I knew he wasn't going to get any from her. The minute dinner ended Bella had gathered the dishes hurriedly and practically ran into the kitchen. If I hadn't known any better I could have sworn I saw a single watery crystal fall from her eye as she had vanished. She had been heard stomping up the stairs mere seconds later, her breathing shaky and audible.

"Well," He sighed in defeat as he tossed his head back around to face us. I felt my chest tightened up as the sting trickled its warm back up towards my stony heart. "If it really means that much to Carlisle . . . and Esme." Carlisle was a respected figure in the small town of Forks. He was perhaps the best doctor I'd ever met. I'd always believed he was wasting his time working in such a pitiful, trivial town. But I bit my tongue every time he walked past and admired my father for the truly honest man he is.

"Oh, thanks Charlie!" Alice squealed, leaping forward to hug Charlie momentarily. She pulled back and beamed at him. I could almost hear his shudder. We both knew that now that Alice was started, she was going to go full out, even if it was just for a one night dinner. "Tomorrow, you and Bella must be there by . . . let's go with five thirty like you guys do. Dress casual!"

My face hardened as the plans were finalized and Charlie bided us good-night and closed the door. It was as if Alice was acting that she, of all people, was oblivious to the most obvious things occurring around her. I kept my glare straight ahead of me as I lead the way down the short walk to where the Volvo sat parked on the curb. I felt as if, right when I thought everything had the _slightest_ chance of picking up, it came spiraling down at me. I glowered at Alice over the top of the car from the drivers side as she approached the passengers side, me swift pace having put her a ways behind me. She looked back at me with wide innocent and confused eyes. Like she didn't know what she had done.

I dropped to the door, pulling it open and plopping into the seat. Not waiting for the others to get in the car, I jammed the key into the ignition and turned it to life. Revving the engine, I looked back as the two hurriedly scooted into their seats. I shifted into drive as Jasper pulled the door closed, anxious to get home. The sting was growing stronger, more pronounced, and I could tell that it would swallow me whole if I didn't get home soon. My guard was definitely failing. I didn't want to relive anymore, I'd had plenty my fill! Every night since the ball I'd had the same reoccurring dream. The one when I'd first saved that unfortunate girl. I could tell by the way this agony was strapping itself to my chest that the next one would be worse then even that one.

"What got into you?" Alice huffed, crossing her arms to echo my stubbornness. I felt my irritation getting the better of me as it boiled my insides. I scowled at Alice from the review mirror. She turned her head and pretended she hadn't seen.

"What the hell got into you?!" I snapped back, the anger growing from my boiling gut. I glanced at Jasper hoping, for once, he'd support me when I was against Alice. He, too, crossed his arms and looked out the window. Though, unlike Alice, he slouched a little, tucking his chin into his collar bone, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else. My small thread of hope evaporated. "Did you not _see_ with your own two eyes that Bella's slowly converting my life back into the small hell hole that it's been for over a month previous to my arrival home? You're doing _nothing _to help me with this Alice! Nothing what so fucking ever!"

I saw her shoulders slouch, her determined expression dropping slightly in hurt. Slowly, she pulled her knees up to her chest, placing her forehead in between both knees. Her movements reminded me of a turtle when they closed up.

"I was just trying to be friendly," she whispered, hurt. I was beyond being sympathetic to Alice over this. She was always the one including him to go to dinners at Charlie's, the one who had arranged the whole ball that had found me the sanctuary of Bella's eyes. I only realized now how badly I truly needed that. Alice was also the one who, in the least helpful way possible, had placed the polished, framed picture of me and Mia on my night stand this morning.

With this in mind as I pulled down the long driveway I sped up to reach the garage immediately. Alice leaned forward in her seat as I pulled the keys from the ignition, a look that screamed 'hear me out' pasted to her face. I threw the door aside and popped out, striding towards the house without sparing her so much as a glance.

It was my pain, it was coming anyway. Why not at least get some benefit from it?


	10. Chapter 9 Email

_A/N- honestly I have forty ppl read and chapter and barely five ppl review. If you wish for this story to continue, review. Nearly all the chapters and **already written. Five. **Now without further adue, _**_Email_**

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BPOV

I'd seen other people change to become ideal to people that they might not even like. I've seen perfectly nice, honest people transform into greedy, backstabbing brats just for attention and disloyal friends. It's always been all over the place; on tv, in my school in Phoenix, trampling its way through the city like an epidemic. Mia and I had avoided it with ease, staying to ourselves and not putting up with any of the crap others might have thrown our way. Most of them gave up on trying to change us into mindless zombies such as themselves. Maybe that's why Lola was unafraid to try out her technique– she had been a outsider throughout those years. Of all the things, though, I'd never seen myself caving. I never thought that I would fall under that category.

I didn't realize that becoming friends with Lola would be bring about such a dreadful demise on my normal Phoenix life into well after I was in over my head. Otherwise, I would have ran while I'd still had the chance. She had started out so nice, welcoming, and, despite the fact that she was the new girl and I had been here my whole life, outgoing. She stuck to my side for most of the freshman year, referring to me as Bells as if we'd been best friends our whole life. I'd found myself uncomfortable with the sudden friendship for well over a month, but eventually I found myself growing onto her. I found her my one thing that kept me from drowning in the water I'd long since been treading the day Mia had departed.

By May of the freshman year people began to take notice to what a fun person Lola was. Though I had never been one for parties– a trait that never has truly left me– Lola had managed to drag me to a fair amount over the course of January and then. I was beginning to understand what to do there without really combining fun and being drunk. Lola easily broke from the staples that had connected us towards more easygoing people in the school. It was easy, even then, for me to sum her up as a slut. I should have known better then to go after her, but I had no one left to advise me. After the multitude of times Lola had been to my house, Renee had grown to know her– though not nearly as well as Mia– and told me absently that there was no reason for us to being diverging without really prying for detail. I was too preoccupied to realize this was very unlike Renee.

I took it upon myself to rip myself open and welcome Lola to come and feed on my exposed flesh. She took me shopping with her new friends and I, for the first time, began to dress like someone I really wasn't. I found an attitude, for her sake, and began to use it. I was terrible. I stuck to standing in back and fussing over my hair as she sliced someone apart with her cold words. I was surprised with the way my freshman year ended. I'd always thought I was on top of the school. The security and warmth I'd always held dear to myself in all my previous years had faded, making me feel like a doe in headlights. I guess this was the meaning of on top, being a spoiled brat that made the whole school tremble as I strutted down the hall.

I never really contemplated these series of mistakes. It hurt to remember what a fool I'd been. How easily I could have avoided the situation all together. But a simple email I'd received mere hours ago had racked my brain, resurrecting the idiotic and agonizing memories from the neglected part of my mind to the front again. I sat in the same place I'd been for the past half hour, still staring at it in dismay.

Bella, it read.

_It's been well over a year since we've last been in touch, this I am well aware of. Throughout this time, you may not have known, I've been forced by my new foster parents to go to counseling. I blame this on three things:_

_1. You._

_2. The damn state for thinking my parents were inadequate._

_3. You._

_Oops, I put you twice, didn't I? My bad, forgive me. I'm still the same lazy person I've always been, unwilling to press the backspace button. It'll just have to do._

_My counseling is finally drawing to a close. I've done a fair job in my classes and I, right now, am completing our final assignment. That is to find a way to send our deepest apologies to those whom we regret hurting due to our addictions._

_By this I am not stating that I ever regretted what I did, or do I feel the need__** to **__apologize. You needed a fresh start, a dip into reality and a sharp slap in the face. I couldn't be friends with a damn virgin regardless. I think your transfer to Washington truly was for the best._

_Just bring this to an end and send me back a simple message saying "It's okay Lola. I accept your apology." You could actually do something right for perhaps the first time in your life, klutz._

_Don't wait up._

_Lola. _

It had been easy enough to remain impassive throughout my whole time reading the rude email up until her farewell. _Don't wait up._ That had been her phrase for every time I'd been the wiser of the two. Every time I'd suggested that we do something different. Every time I'd try to be an individual, tried to be Isabella Marie Swan instead of Lola Lynn Delair.

My mouse wavered betweenreply and delete as I unsurely scanned through the text a final time. She had hurt me, tore me in two and left me to bleed. Counseling tortured her, so why shouldn't I leave her to endure it? I sighed. The answer was clear. With all of the Lola residue cleared off of my slate, I had a working conscious and I couldn't stand the occurrence in which I caused another pain.

I bit my lip as the email came to a close. The indecision was eating me alive. I felt my stomach drop in my own anticipation for my mind to register a response as I clicked on the exit button. _This is a decision for another day_, I decided as I began the process of shutting down my decrepit computer. As I pulled away from the desk, I realized just how true that was.

Lola had broken the remains of my safe numbness that had been blocking my memories. As I curled up in bed– despite the early time and still fully dressed– I felt the other half of me slowly wilt away.


	11. Chapter 10 Picture

_A/N-sorry it took me so long to write, i've hada lotta soccer stuff going on lately. Hope you like this chapter, it was hard to write;) please review, help me get better!_

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**EPOV**

"Damn it Edward, get your lazy ass out of bed!"

I groaned groggily, grabbing my pillow and pulling it over my head in an attempt to block out Emmett's impatient yelling. It was too late, I was already awake. I'd tried my hardest to keep myself from flipping over the face down frame that rested beside me on the night stand all last night. I'd distracted myself, drawn myself from this single room until I couldn't keep myself away any longer due to fatigue.

Well into the night I'd occupied myself with series of complicated exercises on the grand piano downstairs. I launched my mind into it, concentrating solely on the piece I was playing– not allowing the space to drift off into a painful reverie. Around midnight or so annoyed yells began floating down the stairs, all directed at me and the racket I was inducing. I refused to so much as pause to call back to them and inform them that stopping was most definitely not on my agenda. It wasn't too long until Esme sauntered down the stairs and pleaded with me that, despite my music was exceptionally wonderful, I should continue tomorrow and go to bed for now. I had risen from the bench and nodded curtly. Without further more of a response, I had snatched my coat and disappeared through the door.

Would you believe that a music store wouldn't be open at two in the morning?

I had driven all the way down to Port Angeles, not really sure what I was going to do. I glided around for awhile, watching the gray sky over the horizon and trying to evade my thoughts. I eventually somehow had ended up at a bar. I'd never been in one before, but it was the only place that seemed to be open at the time. I staggered in, heavy in impending weariness, and sat by the bar. Long music with too much drums, too loud guitars and lots of screaming had been playing above all of the drunken men as they harassed each other over meaningless things. I can't remember what I had ordered, all I remember is I never drank it. I just sat there, holding it, as I tried to occupy myself by trying to depict the words within the piercing music.

I found my way home around maybe seven in the morning. I was relieved to see that no one had yet awaken, with the exception of Carlisle who was already at the hospital.

"Leave him alone, Emmett." The voices were at my door now, which they had evidently opened soundlessly. Emmett and Alice, I could tell by their voices, were standing in the archway. "He had a late night."

Emmett guffawed. "Alice, it's already four in the afternoon!" I stiffened as I realized what time it was. I didn't think I'd been sleeping for that long. "Can I please just pour a bucket of water on his head?"

The sharp sound of one smacking another resounded in the sudden pause in speech. I heard Emmett whine slightly. The smile that spread across my face couldn't have been stopped.

"Go downstairs, Emmett." Alice ordered, slamming my door as she made her way down too. I wish she hadn't– the noise was loud and racked through my brain, stirring me fully into consciousness.

Groaning, I rolled from my stomach onto my back. There was no way I was going downstairs to face Esme, Emmett, Alice and the rest. I didn't want to know what they had in store for me. My eyes opened slowly, heavy from the deepness of my sleep. My room was surprisingly dark, the shades of my window lowered, blocking all light from outside. I couldn't recall closing them. My eyes traced the dark outline of my room, searching for some sort of distraction as my revelations I'd been so ignorantly putting off whirled dangerously close to my awareness. Coming up empty-handed I decided on taking a shower.

Creeping soundlessly across the threshold, I made it to the bathroom across the hall undetected. I was gracious for the alone time provided by Alice, but at the same time I wasn't sure that it was really going to help me avoid what I knew would come eventually. I took an endless amount of time brushing my teeth, messing with my impossible hair and standing under the hot shower water. Usually the warmth and serenity the shower provided me was endearing. Today it felt like no more than the mere distraction it was, hardly serving its purpose.

I gave up, shutting off the water long before it would have ran cold, and jumped out. I had nothing left to draw myself away from what I both wanted to do and dreaded. Once I was remotely dry, I wrapped the towel around my waist and trooped across the hall again to my room.

As soon as I closed the door, I pulled on the first outfit I saw and plopped down onto the corner of my bed– between my pillow and night stand. My hand tingled with an urge to stretch forward as I stared vacantly at the overturned frame.

It'd been too long. I hadn't seen her face in months– the bloodied last look I saw was still etched into the back of my mind, presenting itself whenever her name was brought to my attention. Maybe, just maybe, if I saw a picture of her when she was happy and unscathed then that horrible recollection would be drawn away. My hand flew forward and snatched the picture before I could stop it.

She looked beautiful– her long brown hair clean of blood, and flowing like silk down her back and shoulders. Her arms were cleaned of the blood from the numerous cuts the child had endured throughout her awful torture. She was well fed, her cheeks flushed, a toothy smile lighting up her face. Even I looked different, as I held the little girl in front of me. I had a smile glued to my face that didn't look fake, but real– something I really haven't seen in awhile. My cheeks, too, were flushed with sincere joy and I seemed to be glowing in bliss. I truly doubted I'd ever see myself in such a delighted state ever again.

My finger stretched out to tap the glasses that rested over the girl's fogy green eyes. My lips twitched up a little, despite the eternal pain chewing out my chest, as I remembered very clearly the story behind this picture. I could very nearly hear her soft, soprano voice again.

"_I'm Mia, you know." She informed me the moment we were out of the building and behind the safety of a boulder a fair distance away. The girl had been going insane, insisting that I was going to end up cutting her again. The sudden change in her mood startled me. I debated whether to set her on the ground or to keep her in lap. The ground, due to all of her cuts, seemed like a bad idea. I leaned against the rock as the sounds of the explosion echoed throughout the seemingly empty tundra and shifted Mia into a more comfortable position._

"_Who are you?" _

_I racked my brain, wondering if I should tell her. Mia shifted in my lap and looked up at me with her wide, foggy green eyes. She tilted her head slightly when I didn't reply. Her lips began to part as she continued to stare at me, a look of terror quickly retaking her expression. _

"_You . . . You really are one of them!" She screamed, struggling to push herself up from my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back down. She screeched, looking around to see if anyone would help her. "Let me go! Please, please don't cut me again!" _

"_Shhhh!" I warned her, putting a finger to her lips. I pulled her closer to my chest, cradling her._

"_I am most definitely not going to cut you Mia." I vowed_. _She watched me warily. "I'm Edward Cullen. I'm one of the soldiers that's been watching over your. . . village. I wish to help you, but you have to stay quiet for now. We'll take you in and get these cuts cleaned up. No one's going to cut you anymore Mia." _

_Mia smiled at me in relief. "Thank you, Edward." she cooed, snuggling slightly into my chest. "Where were you before when I needed you?" _

A single tear rolled down my cheek and landed with an inaudible _plonk_ onto the glass covering the picture. Mia, she had been such a sweet and innocent girl. What in the world justified those men to torture her, to cut her like they did. I only wish I had taken a gun to their heads! I lurched forward, grabbing my bursting chest. Wrong thing to consider. . .

"_I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up," Mia declared simply. I smiled at her from where she lay cradled between my arms and chest as I continued to trudge onward towards the medical tents. She pulled her head from my chest and looked up past my face, towards the sky._

"_I used to help my dad out." She explained, still looking up at the clear blue sky. "He was like the doctor here before you guys came. He helped my get over my fear of blood." She shuddered in my arms. _

"_Well, I guess that's a good thing then," I said, referring to the bloodiness of her arms, hair and legs. She looked up at me, perplexed._

"_Yes," she agreed slowly. "Is there some reason I should be glad for it now?" _

_I laughed. "Mia, you're covered in blood!" I reminded her, mussing with her hair slightly. She blinked, her expression still frozen with bewilderment. My hand fell from her head and I eyed her nervously. "Mia, you can see the blood on your arms, can't you?" _

_Her breathing sped up as her head twisted around as she held her arms in front of her face, waving them around. "I don't see anything, really," she whispered, looking up at me, terrified. "Isn't it nighttime?!" _

_I gasped. Her foggy eyes suddenly made more sense to me. I averted my eyes from her blind stare, unable to stand the despair waving off of the poor girls face. _

"_Isn't it?"_

The fact that Mia's dreams had been crushed right in front of me had been pain enough. Why hadn't He noticed that? Had He just been itching to take more from me, to cause me further pain? More soundless tears slid down my cheeks and joined the one that already occupied the glass covering.

"_Mia, cover your ears," I ordered as we approached the medical tent after what felt like hours later. "There's going to be a lot of unpleasant noises in here." Mia obeyed without a word, bringing her small bloodied hands to cover her pixie ears. Jasper was the first familiar face I saw. I rushed to his side, relieved that he hadn't been harmed. In my wild attempt to save Mia my best friend and brother had drifted from my mind. _

"_Edward!" Jasper breathed in relief. He got up from the cot he'd been sharing with a man who sat facing the opposite direction and stopped in front of me. "Who's this?"_

_Mia shifted in my arms as she sensed the presence of another person. I was tempted to have her remove her hands and speak to Jasper, but the moaning and cries of pain resounding throughout the tent was reason enough not to. _

"_Where's Emmett?" I demanded, anxiety bubbling up inside of me. Jasper glanced over his shoulder at the man that had also been on the cot with him. He had a hand over his bare muscular shoulder, blood spurting through his wide fingers. I gaped in horror. _

"_He got a brick in the shoulder." Jasper informed me calmly, before I had the chance to voice my question. I widened my eyes skeptically at his tranquility. He smirked slightly, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Massive lunatic's still going. He'll be fine. He claims it doesn't even hurt."_

_I snorted. "Good old Emmett."_

_Jasper glanced down at Mia meaningfully. "Who's this? What the hell happened to the poor girl?" _

_I shifted Mia in my arms, the warmth of her blood was beginning to seep in through my uniform. "A girl that's been tortured by the terrorists." I explained in a low voice to be sure that Mia wouldn't have a chance of catching a word. I leaned closer to Jasper. "She's blind and she's losing a lot of blood." _

_His eyes widened in concern. "I'll go get a doctor."_

I felt the same alleviation I had that day at those words. The words that meant the Mia was going to be patched up. I knew from that very moment, when I had looked down at her anxious face again, that I was attached. That I loved Mia as if she were my own daughter. I feared what the doctor would say, that she had lost too much blood. A slight smile touched my lips as I remembered the transcendent feeling that had spread through my body when she had walked out of that tent, safe and full of color. It made me absolutely overjoyed when I saw the oversized pair of glasses that were peculiarly perched on the bridge of her nose. She wasn't blind beyond repair. Mia's dream still lived. I remembered the promise I made her that day, right before the picture was taken, as she ran into my arms.

"_I'll help you do whatever it takes to become the world's greatest doctor, Mia." _

_She smiled heavenly at me. Twisting in my arms, she placed a soft kiss on my nose. "Thank you Edward."_

The tears flowed relentlessly now, staining my face with salt and stinging my eyes. I felt the many sleepless nights catching up with me, all in one sudden blow. I rocked on the edge of my bed, dizzy. I was barely aware of it as my door swung open. My eyes snapped towards it, the rest of my body unable to move. The tears didn't cease.

"Oh, Edward, I . . ." Bella's voice caught me by surprise. The rest of my head snapped up to make out the blurry outlines of her figure, frozen in my doorway. I hung my head in shame. Nobody needed to see me like this. Two pale hands grabbed the side of my face. I looked up in alarm.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked softly, her brown eyes wide in concern. I felt my chest break in two, full of indecision.

I never had been much of a person to open up to anyone really. There was something about Bella, though. Something that was bringing me an emotion that I wasn't accustomed too.


	12. Chapter 11 Understand

_A/N- sorry it took me so long to update! I hada bunch of family stuff and a soccer tournyyy. Hope you enjoy this chapterrrr good parts are coming uppp soon and i'm anxious to write em. please, help me get better-- point out the things that I need to work on! Now i'll stop blabbering. Here's **Understand**_

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**BPOV**

"Bella? Bella! Wake up! Bella it's just a dream!"

I inhaled sharply, the vivid images of my dream instantly blurring away. I could make out faint pictures of the nightmare that had been haunting my sleep all night. A nightclub dance floor, a large bottle of whiskey, a smiling devil, clothes on the floor– all things that I pushed away immediately. I didn't need to think about this, about anything concerning it. I honestly felt a strong longing to go up and punch Edward Cullen square in the face for resurrecting this torturous retention.

"Bella?" Hot hands shook my shoulders again, luring me further into awareness as the husky voice called my name again. "Bella, Charlie called."

I groaned at the name of my father. Wait, was I not home? I rolled off of my side and onto my back, my arm covering my eyes by reflex. I blinked in the safe darkness my arm provided, adjusting my eyes before I removed it and looked my savior in the face.

"Jacob?" My voice was groggy.

Jacob's large face loomed over mine in a blurry disarray as my eyes slowly focused. His face resembled one of a concerned mother. I groaned again. Not now Jacob.

"Charlie called," He repeated, pulling his face away from mine. The bed moaned in protest as he shifted his weight fully onto its side. "He and Billy are going fishing. He said that you've been screaming and crying in your sleep all night. He couldn't even get you to wake up. Are you feeling okay, Bells?"

My eye shifted from his and scanned the room. A light gray light was residing from the window giving my room an eerie morning glow. I sighed. "No." I answered honestly.

Jacob surveyed me expectantly. I stayed silent in my bed, moving my arm under the blanket. He still didn't speak, nor did he look away. I sighed and pulled my old quilt up to my chin, refusing to meet his gaze. The silence dragged on.

"Tell me what's wrong, Bella." He insisted at last. I huffed inaudibly to myself. "It'll help."

"Help!" I scoffed in a hushed tone. Yes, I'm positive it would help if I were to relive the worst event that had ever occurred in my life. To experience the dreadful emotions that I had felt unwillingly that night. It would most definitely help for him to have a reason to look at me different everyday. I was just dying to have someone here look at me the way that they had back in Phoenix after my life had been ruined. Yes Jacob, it'd be so beneficial. "You don't know the meaning of that word."

Jacob ducked his head at my frosty words. "I know it's what friends do."

I hung my head in shame, averting my eyes to the foot of the bed. All he was trying to do was be a good friend. Well, now. How do I know he wouldn't just turn on me tomorrow? I had trusted Lola with my life, Renee with my life, and they both let me lose it. I shook my head feebly, unable to say another cold word to him.

"Bella," he said warily, the bed groaning in relief now as he pushed himself from it. "I'm here and I'm not going to hurt you. Just do whatever's right, 'kay? I know they did you wrong in Phoenix, but no matter what happened back there it won't change who you are to me."

I froze, incapable to so much as move now. It was as if he could somehow read my mind. I had never really considered we were this good of friends. I nodded slowly again. "I will, Jake," I assured him, glancing up at him shyly from below my eyelashes. "But that means I have to consult with someone else before I can tell you what's wrong with me. Thanks Jake."

He eyed me wryly and let it drop. He dropped his gaze to the ground and shuffled his feet around, nodding slightly. "You wanna do something then?"

I sighed. "Why not?"

His face lit up and his eyes returned to my face. Reaching forward, he pulled me from the warmth of my bed to the chilly air of Charlie's unheated house. I shivered, curling in towards Jacob's overheated hands. "We haven't hung out with Quil and Embry in awhile."

A small smile found its way across my lips. "Right . . ."

.

"Awh, I'm sorry Jake. Don't blame me, though– I wasn't the one who made the plans!"

Jacob huffed, crossing his arms. He glared past me from where he sat in his parked Rabbit on the curb outside of Charlie's house. I'd spent the past couple of hours in La Push doing absolutely nothing with a bunch of foolish, immature teenage boys. It had been reckless and distracting– exactly what I had needed. Charlie had called only twenty minutes ago, summoning me home with the reminder that we had dinner at the Cullens' house. I wasn't particularly excited to have to endure another evening with Edward Cullen– no doubt I'd be experiencing the same torturous nightmare that had visited me so kindly last night. I was going to talk to him, straighten this out. Tell him that I didn't want to be around him for unexplainable reason. I'd probably end up pleading. I was beyond desperate for all reminders to just disappear.

He sighed in defeat, his arms descending to his sides. "Yeah, whatever you say Bells." he mumbled in mock annoyance. He leaned across me and pushed the door aside. "Get out of my car, traitor."

I smacked his arm as it recoiled from the doorknob. He chuckled.

"Yeah, whatever Jacob." I retorted, sliding unsteadily from the passengers seat to the stable ground beside the curb. Jacob snorted. I snickered. "See you later Jake."

He rolled his eyes as I slammed the door shut. The sound of the window rolling down caused me to turn my head faintly.

"Call me tomorrow," Jacob requested, his low, musky voice muffled in the car. "If you get to talk to whoever it is you need to, that is."

I waved a hand carelessly over my shoulder, focusing strongly on ignoring that way my chest tightened at his words. I couldn't let him see how much the thought of it hurt. Tomorrow, perhaps, would be the first time I'd ever opened up to anyone about what had happened over a year ago. I shook away my thoughts and chose to pay attention to the ground and not tripping instead.

"Bells, that you?" Charlie called from in the living room as I pushed the front door aside. I sighed, shrugging off my raincoat.

"Yeah Dad!" I yelled back.

He grunted from where he was and left it at that. I hung my coat on a hook beside the door and stomped noisily towards the living room in a mad attempt to shake off the lingering water my coat hadn't managed to protected me from. I shivered. Charlie really needed to turn the heat up in here.

"Your late." Charlie grumbled from where he sat on the couch, eyes glued to the tv. I rolled my eyes.

"Then you should get your butt off the couch and get ready to go." I rebutted playfully. I glanced at the clock above the tv and did a double take. I didn't think it was that late. I laughed in disbelief. "Seriously, Dad. We only have half an hour and you're bound to get lost getting there."

Charlie groaned, waving a hand urgently in hopes I would fall silent. "Just, just five more minutes," He pleaded, and, without looking away from the screen added, "Go freshen up or something."

"Yes sir, Chief Swan." I snickered, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. We were definitely going to be late. . .

I rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, praying I wouldn't trip. One look in the mirror told me that Charlie hadn't been far off the mark when he suggested that I should freshen up. It was definitely noticeable that I had spent the whole day done in a cramped garage with a multitude of rowdy boys. I laughed. Honestly, I liked it that way. Still, I contradicted myself with a sigh, I should make myself more presentable.

Dressed in silky black pants and a dark blue blouse, I bounded down the stairs only minutes later. "Ch- Dad!" I called as I reached the bottom step and rounded the small stretch of wall to the living room.

"Your past your limit." I teased, coming to a stop. I rolled my eyes as I found him sitting in exactly the same place I'd left him. He ignored me, keeping his concentrated stare on the tv. I huffed impatiently and stepped over, pulling him by his arm in the direction of the door. He wouldn't budge. I gave up and my hands slid down to my hips.

"If you hurry, dad, you could probably catch the rest of the game at the Cullen's." I suggested, my impatience and distaste towards being late slowly getting the better of me. He waved me off like before. I groaned. "Charlie Swan, you don't want to make _Carlisle _mad at you, do you?"

Charlie reluctantly looked away from the tv. "No." He grunted, turning his gaze back to the tv as he unwillingly reached for the remote and hovered his thumb above the power button. The tv broke in commercial. "Okay, hurry!"

I snorted. "Yes Sir."

Charlie looked as clumsy as me as he stumbled towards the door, pulling on his shoes and coat at such a speed that he easily became uncoordinated. I chuckled under my breath as I steadied him and pulled on my own shoes and rain coat. Quickly becoming impatient, Charlie snatched my arm and towed me out the door and to the cruiser through the rain before my had managed to secure my coat on both of my arms. I huffed out my annoyance as I slid into the car and shook my wet hair onto his seat before he got in. The car was on and out of the driveway in a matter of seconds. The whole departure had taken no more then two minutes.

I kept my eyes out the window as we drove across town. The houses slowly became larger, more spaced out. We crossed a bridge and, not too long after, the houses disappeared all together. The speed Charlie had taken on was beginning to turn the large, overly green trees into a thick green wall. I was tempted to say something to him about it, but I knew he was anxious to get to the house and catch the rest of the game.

"Now the driveway's here . . . somewhere." Charlie mumbled urgently. I scanned the sides of the road. Nothing but trees.

"You sure its not up a little further, Charlie?" I asked when my eyes came up short.

He shook his head. "There it is," He announced, pointing at a very secluded driveway that was nearly engulfed in large trees. "I think."

I shrugged. "Go for it."

He pulled the cruiser into the driveway and began down it. I leaned forward in my seat, trying to catch sight of the house. We drove– at a slow pace now– for about two or three more miles before the trees on either side of us thinned and became larger. A white mansion peeked through the large trees and finally into view as we reached a small meadow where the trees were lessened. It was beautiful.

Charlie let out a low whistle. "They've got quite a nice house."

"Big." I whispered. "With steps." I gulped. Steps. A house that big is bound to have stairs too. Every klutz's nightmare.

"Well, let's get in there!" Charlie ordered, his voice instantly becoming urgent again. I silently obeyed and slipped out of the car. We jogged– I stumbled as fast as I could– to the steps. I stayed at the bottom as Charlie made his way up and pounded on the door.

It took all of five minutes for the door to open. I felt my jaw pop and I struggled to compose myself as I took in the man standing in front of us.

He was obviously Carlisle, the one Cullen I'd yet to meet. He was pale, like the rest of them, and too young looking to be a parent of the teenage kids. He had neat blonde hair and features more like a male actor or runway model, not a doctor at a small town hospital. I smiled nervously, afraid of what he would think of my reaction.

"You must be Chief Swan," Carlisle greeted my father heartedly, offering his hand. "Come in!" He motioned for Charlie to walk in and turned back to me. "You're his daughter then. Isabella Swan."

"Bella." I corrected mechanically.

He smiled apologetically. "Well, come in Bella."

I followed after his request, entering towards where he waved his hand. The interior of the house didn't particularly surprise me after my experiences with Alice and the fact that Carlisle was a doctor. It was wide open, white. All the furniture looked like it was pure designer material, except much more comfy. A big screen tv was perched on the wall to my right in front of two large white couches.

I saw Charlie making his way towards it as he realized that Emmett and Jasper were watching to same game he'd been before we left. Rosalie was settled snugly into Emmett's lap, eying me strangely, I looked away. Alice was sitting beside Jasper, their hands intertwined, looking at me with a delighted smile. I hesitantly returned mine halfheartedly. She sighed and pushed up off the couch, releasing Jasper's hand.

"Hi Bella!" She chirped as she skipped towards me.

"Hey."

She narrowed her eyes at me, coming to a stop only a foot away from me. She tilted her head. "You okay today, Bells?"

I shrugged, not exactly sure of what would be an accurate response to that. "I had a bad night's sleep." I offered. I looked away from her worried gaze and surveyed the bright room again. Carlisle was standing behind the couch speaking to Charlie with a lady with light brown hair and a heart shaped face beside him– must be Esme. Jasper was leaning against the side of the couch watching the tv with no interest in his eyes. Rosalie sat with her arms crossed as Emmett bounced up and down from excitement provoked by the game. Someone was missing. . . "Where's Edward?"

Alice bit her lip and glanced toward the stairs. "In his room," she said softly. "Would you go check on him for me? Bring him down? He's not listening to me or Emmett and Carlisle and Esme refuse to bother him."

I swallowed my curiosity as to why this might be. I wanted to talk to him . . . or yell at him. I wasn't quite sure. "Okay."

Alice smiled warmly and flitted back to the couches, waving at me as she glided down to sit in front of Jasper and lean against his legs. I smiled back, more willingly this time, and headed up the stairs. It wasn't until I reached the top that I realized I didn't know where his room was. I bit my lip and started down the hall. A sniffle broke the eerie silence.

I followed the noise, which grew louder and came more and more often. It sounded like someone was crying. I quickened my pace. Were they hurt? I came to a halt in front of a black door that was open a crack. Cautiously pushing it open more, I peeked my head through.

I didn't have time to look around the large CD filled room in amazement before my eyes landed on where Edward sat on a big king sized bed. He was bent over, his elbows resting on his knees, his head cradled in his hands. He swayed unsteadily in harmony with the door as it swung dangerously close to hitting the wall. I could barely make out a picture frame on his lap. All my past intentions abandoned me.

His head snapped up. His angelic face was stained with tears, his emerald orbs red, puffy and framed with dark circles. His expression portrayed a weak look of surprise as I spoke.

"Oh, Edward, I . . ." What was I here for again?

His head slumped back down and more tears fell down onto the glass frame on his lap. I felt my heart snap. I knew I was supposed to ignore him. I was supposed to stay away from him and tell him to do the same. But I knew what it felt like to be in pain and have no one else willing to help you. I scurried over to his bedside and took his pained face between my hands. He whipped it up to look me in the eyes, his face more shocked than before.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked. His eyes raged with conflict as the tears slowly began to cease. We stared into each others eyes for an endless amount of time. He parted his lips, on the verge of breaking the silence, when a single tear rolled out of his eye and down his cheek. I didn't have to ask to know that this tear was the one that carried the largest portion of his anguish. I rose out of my squat beside his bed and lowered myself onto his bed. He watched me warily.

I released his face and ran my fingers down his arm to where his hand rested on the center of the picture frame. Gently, I removed his hand so I could see what it was covering. A small, brown haired, green eyed girl smiled back at us. I feared asking what was the significance of her. Instead, I remained silent and pulled Edward into my arms.

"I'm so sorry Edward." I whispered. I didn't know what it was, or why I would even consider it, but something inside of me was whispering _he might understand._


	13. Chapter 12 Shattered

_A/N- sorry that i'm taking so long with updates lately. School and this amazing story and everything. I'ma be starting a new fanfic-- **Dr. Phil . . .?** with two of my best friends. Its going to be a comedy. Check it sometime if u wan2 laugh. i'm tired of writing only sad fanfics:) welll here's _**_Shattered_**

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EPOV

"I'm so sorry Edward."

Those four words caused so many unrecognizable emotions and ancient feelings I had forgotten to wash over me. The one feeling I did recognize was relief. Why I felt relief I didn't quite comprehend. The rest was unexplainable, discernible. A foreign warmth spread across my body as I pressed my head against her shoulder and released the force of my tears.

I don't know how long we sat there with me wrapped up in her thin warm arms. All I accepted was the fact that I felt totally and utterly content. I didn't want to lose this sensation. I drew myself closer into her, draping my arms around her waist. I pulled her closer to me, tucking her head under my chin. It made no sense– I shouldn't even be granted the pleasure of figuring this out– that being so close to Bella made me feel so comforted. I heard her breathing soar as she melted into my chest. I could only hope that I wasn't making her feel uncomfortable.

We sat like this for an endless amount of time. I pressed my face into her silky brown hair, breathing in the sweet scent of strawberries. She pressed her cheek into my chest before sighing, and then she pulled back.

I shifted my legs so that I was sitting cross legged. Reluctantly– and surprised that I felt so– I pulled away from Bella's embrace, too. She eyed me worriedly as she straightened up. I averted my eyes to my hands.

"Are . . . you okay, Edward?" Her voice was hesitant. I could sense tension growing around us– there was more she wanted to say, that much was evident. I rose my eyes and connected them to her large chocolates. They raged with indecision, but were so beautiful it struck a painful blow to my heart. But I just couldn't look away.

"I'm . . . better." I breathing, resting my elbows on my knees and placing my head in my hands. I leaned towards her self-consciously.

Bella swung her legs around and slid into the same casual position as me. She leaned forward– her eyes studying me intently as the battle fought on within them– closing what little space was left between us.

"That's good." She whispered back.

"I suppose." I didn't really know what more to say, but I needed to hear her voice. It was helping hold my broken form together. I racked my brain for the information necessary to form a coherent question. My lips twitched up as I laughed internally at my incapability to so much as frame a simple question while gazing into Bella's eyes.

"What brought you up here?"

"Alice," She replied quicker than I'd expected, then paused. She sighed, looking at me warily before she confessed. "I actually wanted to yell at you."

My brow furrowed in confusion and I narrowed my eyes. "Why were you going to yell at me?" I demanded, slightly hurt by the concept. I hadn't realized, but Bella and I had leaned in even further towards one another so that our foreheads were nearly touching. An overwhelming urge to reach out and pull her closer washed over me. I froze in confusion– this feeling was entirely foreign.

She broke our intense stare and dropped her eyes down to her hands. I was saddened at the fact that she had removed her deep brown eyes from my line of slight. I eased my hand forward and rested it on top of her's. She hesitantly looked up from our hands to meet my scrutiny again.

"I . . . well . . ." She stuttered, her voice almost inaudible. She inhaled deeply and dropped her gaze back to our hands.

I cautiously slid my other hand over and collected both of her's in mine. They felt so frail and breakable. "Please tell me?" I begged in a low, gentle voice. "You can even yell if it'll make you feel better." I smiled encouragingly as she peeked up cautiously at me.

She chuckled– a low, broken sound– as she turned her head fully towards me and blinked, her eyes swimming as the conflict met a resolve I couldn't decipher. "Erm, what?"

My smile slowly faded. "Please, just tell me. You've gotten me so curious now."

She dropped her head again as she pulled my left hand onto her lap and began doodling aimlessly on its back. "It's . . . difficult. To explain."

I rose the hand she wasn't holding and, cupping her cheek, I lifted her head so that she was looking at me again.

"Try."

The overwhelming urge to draw her closer to me struck again: catching me off-guard and unable to withstand the temptation. I rested my forehead against her as a response was never formed, without so much as breaking away from the depth of her eyes. I heard her heart splutter and bang into her chest in harmony with mine as our foreheads touched. An electric jolt shot through my body and I felt my self-control slip away. I was never given the opportunity to clear my ming, to my actions fully through, to register the strong, unfamiliar emotion coursing through my body before I acted on it. Bella, though, surprisingly, didn't seem as alarmed as I would have expected.

My lips crushed into hers with a passionate force I wasn't even aware my body could muster. I was vaguely aware of my arms as they snaked their way around her waist, the sides of her face– everywhere. Just memorizing the sweet sensation she had to offer. I pulled her closer to me, yet it wasn't close enough. I didn't even realize what I was doing.

Bella's lips were non-responsive as mine first found her's. Her eyes widened in shock as she was tugged forward and the space between us was all but eliminated. I could still hear her heart pounding erratically vaguely over the audible throb of mine. The minute she collided with my chest she melted into me, her hands searching their way around my body– memorizing me in almost the same fashion as I was, it seemed– and finally twining them around my neck, gripping my hair. Her mouth began moving with mine– urgent and greedy.

I couldn't grasp why I had felt the need to kiss her, but I also couldn't find the need to stop. I exhaled, and my lips parted.

"Wait," Bella gasped, her lips withdrawing from mine. Her hands released my hair and slid down to my chest. She pushed me away, tears spilling over the brims of her eyes. "I can't do this. I . . . you don't _understand_, Edward."

My arms unwillingly dropped from around Bella as she attempted to untangle herself and fell away from me. I watched her helplessly as she wrapped her arms around herself and broke into a terrible fit of sobs. I didn't want her to go. I wouldn't be able to beat having this image of her in pain planted in my head until I saw her again. I'd been denying this for too– I _needed_ Bella. _She was the only thing that could erase the pain anymore._

"I want to understand, Bella." I whispered, reaching forward to comfort her, to draw her back into my chest. She jerked away from my touch. My fingers stung from her rejection.

"Don't you get it!" Bella snapped, her voice edging hysteria. She jumped off of my bed and tore across my room, gasping as she shook still with her sobs. "_No one will ever understand!_ No one can _ever _understand!"

And she was gone. I fell from my perch on the edge of my bed and hit the ground, shattering into a million pieces.


	14. Chapter 13 Torn

_A/N- I 'd like to dedicate this chapter to three people who are veryyyyy important to this fanfic. First, **Kele Sunburst** for giving me motivation to still update even though people read without reviews. Second, **Jaralrunner** for **1**. reviewing every single chapter & **2.** giving me the idea for the chapter title. Lastly, **Ellzie** for reading my updates ahead of time and reviewing every chapter. Thankss so much guys. Now without further adue, here's _**_Torn_**

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BPOV

"Try."

The single word sent shivers down my spine as his cool, sweet smelling breath fanned my face. I hadn't noticed how _close_ we were until his forehead was mere millimeters from mine. I felt my heart stop, rewind, and then start up ten fold. The minute contact was made, an electric shock froze my body and my breaths came in heaving gasps. I tried to shirt my focus onto steadying my breathing as opposed to what his intentions might be. Clearing my ming and gaining some control over my breathing, I prepared to pull away. _Not another last time. . . _

And then his lips found mine and my willpower disappeared like a wisp of smoke blown by a sudden gust of wind.

I was shocked, oddly pleased, but shocked. And scared. Scared stiff. I felt his hands venture across my waist and back and, upon finding my face, they began to softly graze across my more defined features. He was _memorizing_ me. Not roughly, but in a passionate way that screamed heartbreak. As I was held closer to him, though, I found I had no power, no living force inside of me, that would even _want _to fight back.

I kiss him back.

My hands flew across his body– much in the same fashion as he. I let my eyes slip close, though I felt as if I could still see his face in perfect clarity as my hands flew gently across his face.

We were close– no space seemed to exist between us– yet it wasn't close enough. I wove my arms around his neck, grabbing securely onto his bronze hair, and pulled myself closer. I was still afraid, though, hesitant even, to deepen the kiss. So I kept my ground from where we stood, getting as much as I could handle while this strange high still possessed my body.

Edward sighed, his lips parting. I tensed.

"Wait," I breathed, my voice coming out in a hoarse whisper as my lungs burned. I hadn't even realized how much I had been lacking in oxygen. My head swam as I took a deep breath. I fought to keep my edge as flashes of the previous night's nightmare presented themselves. I winced. Removing my hands–reluctantly, it seemed– I slid away from him, being sure to push him further, too. Hot, salty tears flowed relentlessly from my eyes as, one by one, the still slides became more and more vivid.

"I can't do this." I whispered brokenly. My heart throbbed. I didn't care enough to question why. I needed to leave before I broke down completely. "I . . . you don't _understand,_ Edward."

His arms dropped as if burned. I inched further away and wrapped my arms around my deteriorating torso. Edward's eyes burned into mine. I turned away before they could smolder. I could feel his hurt of my inwardly rejection roll off of him in waves. My sobs came harder, racking mercilessly through my shattered frame.

"I want to understand."

It stung. His words sliced through me like a burning axe. I could feel myself tearing at the seams. His hand stretched towards me and I cringed away. _As if any human being could afflict more pain . . ._

I looked up at his agonized face through my moist eyes bitterly. "Don't you get it!" I nearly shouted. What I though had been all of Edward's expression snapped– it had all been a concealed mask. His face was tortured as he watched me in a silent plead. I leapt from the bed and stormed towards the bed. "_No one will ever understand!_ No one _can_ ever understand!"

I stumbled out of his room without a backwards glance, tumbling across the threshold until I was finally collapsed against the wall beside the stairs. I tried to silence my hysterical cries, to comfort the gaping hole Edward had suddenly blown into my chest. I failed, failed miserably.

Petite, snowy hands fluttered soundlessly to my face. I was too torn to be alarmed. My anguished cries didn't cease, nor did they lessen, as I met Alice's troubled gaze. She said nothing, inquired nothing, as she gathered me into her capable arms. I struggled halfheartedly– I doubted she even felt it. Despite my knowledge of what could happen if I placed my trust in someone else, I knew that now–more than anything– I needed a shoulder to cry on. I needed a _friend. _

I felt dizzy and nauseous as I floated off the floor and found myself gliding down the hall. It took me a few moments more than it really should have to feel a jolt of shock that Alice managed to haul me off the ground and tow my along while supporting over half of my weight.

I didn't bother being difficult as she moved me. Instead, I merely sighed and droped my head onto her shoulder, allowing my tears to, yet again, engulf me.

* * *

It was dark, silent and I was unbelievably stiff when I opened my eyes. I vaguely recognized the dulled features of Alice's usually bright, colorful room. I didn't, however, remember my details on how I'd ended up here.

Pain, betrayal, surrender.

The first three emotions of the past night– however long it had been– waved through my body as I struggled to remember. Not long after, the actual events caught up.

I remembered drifting down the hall and into Alice's room with Alice strong at my side. She had guided me to the bed and pulled me up next to her. She was reticent the entire time I had wept away the broken parts of me. It had taken longer than either of us had anticipating. I had kept on expecting her to leave, just walk out yelling I've had enough! But Alice never left. She's kept her arms wrapped around my broken mid-section, helping hold me together as I shattered myself more. After a few hours she had mumbled something about telling Charlie that I was staying and promised to return immediately. I hadn't believed her, a foolish thing for me to do, and had burst into greater hysterias the moment she vanished through the doorway.

Alice had returned , though, not too long after. She had swept me up into her arms and asked if I was hungry. I hadn't responded. I couldn't have, had I even wanted to. I had gone into another round of hysterias at the fact that Alice really _had_ returned, just like she'd promised. She didn't utter another word for the rest of the time. She'd held me close until my eyes, sore and puffy, ran dry. She'd changed me into a set of Rosalie's clothes that she'd stolen and tucked me into her bed. I'd fallen asleep with her staring intently and compassionately at my face.

Now, as my eyes scanned the murky room, I felt a pang of fear. Where was Alice? I couldn't say I wasn't surprised that she'd left me. I was such a downer. My crying must have been too much. I leaned back. I could not put this one on anyone else.

"Are you hungry now?"

I snapped forward in alarm. I hadn't even seen Alice laying on the bed beside me. She was under a fluffy blanket, leaning half up against a bouquet of pillows. I felt guilty for ever doubting Alice. But I'd had good reason. For what possible reason would Alice still be here?

"I can't go down there." I replied. My voice was scratchy and groggy. I cleared it loudly and winced as it scraped against the sides of my throat, raw from my sobs.

Alice smiled softly. "I'll bring it to you then."

And she was out the door.

I wove my arms across my chest for the lack of opportunity to protest. I wondered if why she'd left so quickly was because she wanted to be rid of me. That would be logical. Maybe she'd just give me the food and flea, telling me when Charlie was coming to take me home on the way out. I rested my head against the silky pillow and closed my eyes, agony tearing at the sides of my chest.

"I hope you like chocolate chip pancakes," Alice's wind chime voice crooned. My eyes snapped open as I watched her flit in with a large tray. "I've always thought of it as the best comfort food."

I half smiled gratefully as she spread the tray across my lap. Four, maybe five, pancakes were stacked on a plate in the center, framed by a small bowl of strawberries, a glass of milk, orange juice, and a small container of syrup. I hungrily started scarfing down the warm chocolate filled pancakes, disregarding the syrup.

"I didn't know if you liked syrup, so I brought it anyway." Alice told me conversationally. She leaned back into her stack of fluffed pillows as I swallowed noisily.

"I like it," I assured her, cutting off another large bite of pancakes. Before I stuffed it into my mouth, I added. "I'm just really hungry. Too hungry to care." I chewed and swallowed audibly again. "These are really good."

Alice chuckled. "Esme does her best."

She fell silent after that as I hurriedly stuffed the rest of the food down my willing throat. My stomach, still feeling broken like the rest of me, gurgled loudly as it ingested the food. I leaned back and folded my hands across my stomach the moment I was full. I pushed the empty tray onto the unoccupied bed between me and Alice.

"I'm sorry about last night." I whispered, afraid that Alice hadn't heard it and I'd have to say it again. She blinked in comprehension, but remained mute. I looked down at my hands. "You don't have to stay with me. I don't need you to feel like, since I'm your guest, that you have to make yourself responsible for my suffering."

Alice's eyes widened in repulsion at my words. I cringed. I knew I was right.

"You think I'm only here because I _pity _you?!" Alice demanded, though her voice was kept on a lighter note.

Her words caught me unarmed. I wasn't quite sure what I'd been expecting to hear, but it wasn't this. I found myself uttering the truth. "Yes."

Alice huffed loudly, irritably. I didn't look up. "_Isabella Swan,_ I did this because I'm your _friend._"

The word sliced through me. My head snapped up, my eyes zeroing in on her face. Her face was an echo of her words. Disbelieving. Who would want to be friends with an insecure, self hating, broken girl like me?

"Friend?" I repeated incredulously.

She nodded solemnly. She wasn't lying.

"I kissed Edward. It hurt, beyond belief. His lips seemed to be the one thing left in this world that can still manage to shatter me more. But I didn't understand it. When he was kissing me, holding me close to him, I felt _whole_. I haven't felt that way in who knows how long, Alice. But I'm torn. I can't stay around him because, when I do, I get nightmares, flashbacks of the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I'd put it all behind me, tried my hardest to erase it. I'd been doing so well, Alice, but he brought it all _back!_ I . . . I _want_ to be around him. So badly. But I _can't._" The words were rushed, stumbling over one another. It'd been too long since I'd been able to confide in someone. I instantly bit my lip, regretting that I'd ever opened my mouth.

Alice, as I think I'd soon learn to expect, didn't react the same way I'd thought she would. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me again without a single word. Pulling me closer, she rested her small chin on my shoulder.

"There's not always an answer for everything," she whispered into my ear. "But this, Bella, I think you'll figure out."

But would I really?


	15. Chapter 14 Simple

_A/N- yes this chapter is short. But I wanted so badly to put it up tonight and I couldn't think of a better place to end it then where I did. Don't go thinking that just bcuz all stories have a happy ending that mine will (smiles very slyly). If I get enough responses to uhmmm thiss then I might find it in me to update again this weekend, but I'ma be reasonably busy. Thank uuu to all of my readers and reviewers. Now for **Simple**_

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**EPOV**

"Edward? Edward, she's gone."

I shifted in my bed, rolling over so that I was facing the wall opposite my locked door. My eyes, swollen and sore from my endless tears, refused to open and scan the room. I didn't know what time it was. All I knew was that my stomach was empty and that Bella was finally gone. That didn't make me want to move any more than before. I groaned and pulled my thick blanket back over my head, pulled my legs tighter to my chest, and hoped that sleep would find me again.

"Will you at least come and eat? Can I bring you something?"

I would have normally expected it to be Esme who would express this level of concern for me. Lately, though, things didn't seem quite so normal. So Alice worrying about me didn't make it past my numb defense.

I squeezed my eyes even tighter and fought the urge to take my pain out on Alice. I didn't want to stay curled up in my bed and squander what I had possibly done wrong to upset Bella last night, but I couldn't face my family. I didn't suppose that Alice could carry my piano up here. I was pleased by the thoughts that, so long as I didn't make any sudden movements or break out of my carefully composed ball, thoughts about Bella would evade me.

My stomach gurgled again and I remembered Alice's question.

"Food." I murmured simply, my voice carefully nonchalant. It was raspy from the layers of sleep and tears crusting the sides of it. I didn't bother clearing it. I didn't plan on speaking again anytime soon.

Alice paused for a second at my demand. "Okay." she replied, her voice heavy with sympathy I'd hoped wouldn't surface.

I sunk lower into my bed, my head dropping from my flatten pillow to the soft mattress. I ducked my head into my knees, willing the pain in my chest to stop throbbing. I had declared it to myself. I no longer just occasionally craved Bella's sanctuary, I _needed_ her. Everything about her. She was the most flawless person I'd ever met. Despite how selfish the thought truly was, I believed that her mistake free being would even out my sin ridden soul.

I tried to redirect my thoughts to a less agonizing topic. What kind of food would Alice be bringing? Chocolate chip pancakes, no doubt. Alice has always claimed that those were the best comfort foods. Bella had been crying so hard last night. I wonder if that's what Alice gave her this morning . . .

"Damn it!" I cried out loud, snapping out from under my blankets to sit straight. "Get the hell out of my head!"

I gripped at the sides of my head as the blood rushed to my head, making me dizzy. It wasn't only the head rush that set me off balance, but my numb shield snapped. Thoughts I'd previously been able to avoid stormed into my head offering me no mercy.

_Bella, Mia, guns, glasses, dancing, beauty, tears. __**Mistakes.**_

I toppled over onto the floor as my body shook with tortured waves of something that couldn't possibly be defined as pain. I felt like I was having the equivalent to a seizer. My body twisted into awkward positions as I tore at my head, my chest, anywhere my stubby nails could reach in a mad attempt to rid myself of this God forsaken shell of a body I was trapped in. I wanted to be released, to leave this cage of pain. I wanted to _die._

"Edward?" I vaguely heard the door swing open as I tore at my wrists. They began to bleed. The blood made me smile. "Edward!"

Her voice was closer to me now and I was sure that she could see me. My breathing soared and I tried to bite at my wrists too. I probably looked savage, and I certainly didn't want to be remembered by Alice as that, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was going to die, sooner or later the bleeding would be too much for my body to handle. Even if Alice stopped me now she wouldn't stop me again. Say next time– though I hoped there wouldn't be a next time– I'd bring a knife. Perhaps a gun. That would be the way to go. By a gun. Die by that thing that had launched me into this hell hole I've been forced to live in.

"Edward! What the hell! Stop!" Alice's voice was choked off as she began to cry loudly. I felt her hands trying to restrain me from damaging myself further. I wouldn't have this.

"I want to die, Alice." I spat. I slithered away from her as she froze at my words. "Let me just end my suffering."

Her crying lessened and I heard her heave a heavy breath. "Damn it Edward, I won't let you kill yourself! Mistakes happen, get the hell over it!" I heard her weight shifting on the floor as she stumbled blindly in my black room to reach for me again.

I panicked. I knew I wasn't going to die now. Alice had her mind set and she was going to stop me. I wanted nothing more then for my annoying little sister to disappear. I shouldn't have asked for food. If I was still consciousness when Alice carried me downstairs to patch up my bleeding wrists then I'd hear no end of Esme's worried screams and Carlisle plans on how to save me from being suicidal again.

I arched my back, throwing my head straight into the iron foot of my bed. I bit my lip, suppressing my cry of pain as I felt the hard iron gorge into the top of my head. I heard Alice's scream of terror stifled by another round of hysterical tears. I tasted blood as it trickled down my forehead. Blackness began to engulf me. I would have given anything to have this be death. It hurt, yes, but as I felt my awareness slip away from me, I felt peaceful.

Death was simple, accomplished by only a few mindless actions. Life had been much, _much_ harder.


	16. Chapter 15 My fault

_A/N- you'd best love me. I wasn't going to update until tomorrow, but then I found out I have three soccer games straight in a row and that i'll most likely crash the moment I get home. I'm also going to see the twilight movie for a third time today, so I'm dedicating this chapter to my top two elves for taking me:). I can't wait until after this chapter . . . Review! Now it's time for _**_My Fault_**

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BPOV

"So," Charlie said gruffly as he dropped into the driver's seat of the cruiser. "How was your night at the Cullen's?"

I sighed loudly to restrain the hopeless groan that had been dying to escape me. Conversation was exactly what I'd been hoping to avoid on the car ride home with Charlie. Conversations about last night was on the top of that list. I struggled with myself on what to say. I couldn't lie to save me life, but I wasn't about to tell Charlie it was terrible. He might not let me go back . . . and I needed Alice.

"It was . . . different." I decided on, biting my lip as I turned my head to watch the trees immerse on either side of the car. Just _how_ different, I wasn't going to add.

To my relief, Charlie laughed. "Yeah, that Alice girl . . ." He mumbled, his voice full of admiration not the mock horror he'd been aiming for. I knew, aside from the friendly obsession that he'd already developed with Alice and her kind, outgoing personality, Charlie was overly grateful that I'd finally gotten a real friend that I actually hung out with aside from school and Jacob.

The car dropped silent as I continued to watch the trees speed by. We weren't going as fast as we did coming out here, but I still didn't pay enough attention to know where we were going. Soon the trees that hung closely to the side of the road spaced out as me hit the main road.

I leaned back in my seat and pressed my head against the headrest. According to Alice I'd slept over twelve hours, yet I was still drop dead tired. I didn't see that reasoning in this, but I hadn't cared enough to question it. The minute I closed my eyes the vivid pictures I'd been lucky enough to escape around Alice slid into view. I jerked my eyes open, lurching forward, I covered my mouth with my hands to prevent me from letting my scream out. I could hear my heart beating audibly in my chest as my breathing flew towards hyperventilating. Why? Why now? Why ever?!

"You okay, Bells?" Charlie's concerned voice jolted me. I bit my lip and dropped my face into my hands, willing the pictures to just float away so that I could sleep. I could feel the car slowing down and the hole that Charlie's eyes were burning into my back.

I took a deep breath, attempting to calm my breathing and make my voice sound more natural. "I'm fine." It might have worked, had my voice not cracked.

The car began to speed up again. "Tired?" Charlie prompted, his voice still concerned.

"Uh huh."

Another extended silence. I stayed where I was with my elbows propped up on my knees and my head in my hands.

"Jacob called." Charlie grumbled as we reached the outskirts of town. I could tell by his decrease in speed.

My head popped up and I looked over at him warily. "When?" I asked, my voice still rough.

Charlie shrugged, still looking out the window, and responded. "Late this morning. Said he wanted to talk to you and to call him when you get home."

For some reason, this irritated me. Hadn't I told him that when _I _was ready I'd talk to him about what's been bothering me? Why did he have to be impatient now? I was further from telling him than I had been yesterday. I think I could blame this somewhat on Alice. She'd been so understanding, so patient and kept to herself. Now I could only wish that everyone was as good as a friend as Alice. _Friend._

The cruiser idled momentarily as Charlie pulled into the driveway. He glanced over at me before reaching down and pulling the key out of the ignition. I pulled my coat tighter around my body and turned away from Charlie's stare. Pushing the door slowly aside, I ran as fast as I could without falling towards the door.

My first plans were to take a shower and change out of Alice's smuggled clothes. Then I was going to get food and try to read. Clear my mind before I fell asleep. I was in no mood whatsoever for nightmares. Calling Jacob was also not on my agenda.

I heard Charlie call something too me as I ran up the stairs two at a time but I didn't slow to try and hear it. I tore through my room grabbing all my toiletries and was in the shower in only a matter of seconds. I could hear Charlie's heavy steps thumping up the stairs as the water started. What was so damn important?!

"Bella?" Charlie called, his voice muffled by the door. I rolled my head back and groaned to myself.

"What Charlie?" I barked back as I stepped into the warm water of the shower.

"Are you sure you're okay, hun?" His voice was closer to the door now. "I think you should call Jacob. He usually makes you feel better."

Did I really looked that apart? "I'm not in the mood to be sociable."

"Was Alice mean to you?" His voice was next to the door now. We both knew that he wasn't necessarily referring to Alice alone. But I would pretend that he was so my lie wouldn't be too evident.

"No. I'm just tired, okay Charlie?" I held my breath, mentally willing Charlie to just let it drop. The warm water continued to run down my back, something that usually comforted me. Today it did nothing.

"Okay, Bells." Charlie mumbled after a silent pause. I didn't strain myself to listen to his feet trail away, I trusted that Charlie would want to stay around as much as I wanted him to.

I spun and twisted in the shower, trying to locate a spot where the warm water would comfort me. I washed my hair and my body thoroughly and yet found no solace. As the warm water began to run cold I gave up completely and shut the water off. Wrapping myself tightly in a towel, I scurried across the hall to get dressed. I could hear the sounds of an ESPN game drifting up from downstairs.

After pulling on my favorite pair of sweats and an oversized T-shirt, I started hesitantly down the stairs to grab something to eat. I hadn't accepted any meals from Alice aside from breakfast. I tried to make myself unnoticeable from Charlie, but he caught me, regardless.

"You feeling better, Bell?"

I gritted my teeth together. "Yes, thank you." I nearly growled. His concern was all good natured, but it was sincerely getting on my last nerve.

He said nothing more as I searched through the kitchen for something to eat. I ended up settling with some left over turkey. I threw a few slices on bread and hurried back up the stairs before Charlie could realize that I had no intentions on calling Jacob as he had requested.

I curled up in my quilt and began to bite down on my sandwich. It seemed so bland and tasteless to me. Pulling myself onto my pillow, I snatched the flipped over book on my table and began reading without really paying any mind to what it was about. The minute my sandwich was gone my eyelids drooped. I was too exhausted to pull them open in alarm even if the still slides had presented themselves. It was too late to stop it.

* * *

"_Bella! Time for the party!" _

_I cursed under my breath and unwrapped my hair from the towel I had around my head. I remembered asking Lola what time I had to be ready, and I also remembered her answer. _"I'll be there at– Hey Megan!" _I hadn't been surprised or offended that she had, yet again, ignored my to greet someone else. It was like a routine now. The only days we still hung out were Mondays_ _and Thursdays. Unless there was some party on those days. _

_My eyes scanned through my clothes options. Lola had taken me shopping multiple times just to get enough clothes that was "acceptable" for me to wear when I went out with her and _her_ friends. It felt as if _I _had no friends anymore. Almost like Lola had split me from the rest of the world._

_I shook away my ridiculous thoughts and concentrated on getting dressed. "One minute, Lola. I can't decide what to wear!" _

_Despite the fact that she was downstairs, I still heard her audible sigh of irritation. She stomped up my stairs and pulled aside my door without knocking. "That." She stated simply as she wove around my room pulling a shirt from my drawers and placing it onto my bed. "And that." A mini skirt._

_I bit my tongue and nodded solemnly. Grabbing the clothes from my bed, I changed quickly. Lola stood by the door and crossed her arms, watching me with an annoyed expression. I took a deep breath and debated on whether I wanted to look in the mirror and see what kind of slut Lola had made me tonight. She reached the verdict for me as she beckoned me over so she could do what she wanted with my hair. I obediently sat on the edge of my bed._

"_Done, let's get going." Lola ordered as she finished fussing over my hair. "You probably already made us late enough." I silently slid from the bed and into the shoes that Lola had thrown at my feet. She was out my door and down the stairs before I had time to catch up._

"_Mom, I'm leaving!" I called towards her bedroom. A heard a loud thud and she stuck her head out the door._

"_Alright baby, have fun." She breathed. I smiled. Renee looked so flustered as she prepared for her date with Phil. It was still in the early stages and, despite how much younger he was, I hoped that it would work out for her. _

_I took a few cautious steps closer. "Mom, they drink at these parties." I reminded her. She bit her lip. _

"_Call me if you need to escape and Lola's too drunk." She winked. She thought she was joking. My mom loved Lola. She thought of her as a Goddess for saving me from my lack of Mia slump. Renee could never see Lola getting drunk. Me, on the other hand, had seen her drunk many times more than one._

"_Promise?" I asked wistfully. Renee smiled and nodded._

"'_Course baby." _

"_Have fun on your date, Mom." I sighed, heading back towards the stairs._

"_Have fun at your party, babe," Renee called back. "Call me if you need anything." _

_Why Renee? Why couldn't you just have kept this one promise?_

* * *

I lurched up in bed. My clammy hands flew to my face and wiped the cold sweat beads from my forehead. My breathing was on the verge of hyperventilation and the sudden jolt up sent all the blood rushing from my head. I swayed unsteadily. A shrill ringing bounced up the stairs and through my ears and I realized what had woken me.

I pushed myself from my bed and stumbled out of my room. I slipped and tripped many times as I hurried down the stairs. I could Charlie's undisturbed snoring residing from his bedroom and I wondered how long the phone had been ringing.

I rounded the kitchen doorway and pulled the receiver to my ear.

"Hello?" I breathed, my heart was yet to calm.

"Bella!"

I started. I don't who's voice I'd been expecting to hear on the other line but, after a quick glance at the clock signaled it to be nearly midnight, I hadn't accounted on this one.

"Alice?"

I heard her sigh loudly. "Bella, I know you must be tired, and still aching, and everything else, but I need you to come down here." She rambled, her voice a little too high and anxious for me.

"Where are you Alice?" I probed. I felt and sounded like I'd had the wind knocked out of me.

"I'm at the hospital." She rushed. "Edward, well . . . he tried to kill himself Bella."

I winced. "What?!" I screamed, anger boiling inside of me.

"Bella, cool it." Alice's panicked voice contradicted her words. "It's just, well I saved him . . . in a way. But I think it'd do him some good if you came down and saw him. He's a real mess."

I exhaled sharply. "How do you suppose me being there will be beneficial for him if I come?"

"He keeps saying your name," Alice said slowly, each word clear and decisive. "He's drugged and keeps saying whatever's on his mind. He really wants to see you."

I bit my lip and choked back a sob that wanted to break through. "Okay." I squeaked.

"I'll meet you in the lobby." Alice assured me.

I didn't say anymore. In fact, I barely heard her say that. I slammed the phone down on the receiver and sprinted up the stairs to change. Pulling on a pair of comfy jeans and a long sleeve shirt, I ran back down the stairs to leave a note for Charlie telling him I was at the hospital visiting someone. I was out the door in no more then five minutes after the initial call.

I feared that taking my truck would wake Charlie, but I also didn't want to take his cruiser in case I didn't get back in time for him to get to work. I settled reluctantly with my loud truck and pulled away from the curb without another moment of hesitation. I had no doubt thrown him into this suicide attempt. I had been harsh on him. Yelled at him when he'd tried to help. I hadn't seen far enough into his broken expression. Now that I thought about it, this resolve had been written quite legibly on his face.

The streets were vacant and sleepy as I pushed my noisy truck to its limit. I didn't feel any regret for the people I would be waking from the loudness of my truck. I was too preoccupied with the stupidity pulsing through me. If any serious damage had happened to Edward, I'd blame myself. Alice hadn't guaranteed that Edward was completely okay, that no serious injuries had resulted in his attempt. What had he done anyway?

I pulled into the half empty parking lot in front of the hospital. I delayed for a moment, making sure my truck was neat, because it wasn't until that moment that I remembered that Carlisle, Edward's father, worked at this hospital. I didn't waver on the idea that he would know it was my fault that Edward nearly died, too.

When I could stall no longer, I tore through the parking lot in a clearly panicked fashion. I fought with myself to calm down. I didn't want to make a scene in the lobby of this morbid building.

The automatic doors seemed to purposefully open as slowly as imaginable. I slowly my frantic sprint into a more composed walk as I entered the hospital. The first thing my eyes landed on was a broken Alice.

She stood beside the reception desk in the middle of the room with her arms wrapped around herself. She was still in the same clothes I'd left her in– something that I doubt had ever happened before– and that just worried me more. Her hair was ragged and her face tilted down at the floor. It snapped up at the sound of my arrival and, despite the weak smile she tried to put on, I could see the pain evident in her red, swollen eyes.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I choked out as I ran up to her. She untangled her arms and wound them around my waist as I came within reaching distance.

"Bella, I tried to stop him." She whispered into my shoulder. "But he just tried to kill himself _again_."

"I'm sorry." I repeated. I couldn't figure out anything more true to say.

"Come on," she sniffled. Dropping her arms she twined our hands together. "I'll take you to him."

I didn't resist or struggle as she towed me towards my impending doom. If the sight of Edward nearly dead because of my rejection didn't kill me, then certainly his parents would. Alice led me to the elevator. Once we reached the third floor she guided me to the end of the hall. She surveyed me wistfully before turning into the last door on the right.

My breath caught in my throat.

Edward laid on a white hospital cot in the center of the dull room. His arms were bandaged, along with his head. His eyes were half open, his head lolled back as if he was in some loony sleep. The pain his wounds were causing him was clear in his eyes, though his face was completely tranquil. As I looked back at the bandages I saw small amounts of blood leaking through. I closed my eyes and breathed. Ugh blood.

Still not opening my eyes to see if anyone else was in the room, I turned to face Alice.

"This is all my fault."


	17. Chapter 16 Last time

**_A/N- hey i'm sooo sorry that updates are taking longer. holy crap, i've never been so busy in awhile. I'll be freer next week. and tomorrow if I get the rest of my homework done tonight. Guess what? Next chapter you _might_ find out what's with Edward. I promise you reviews will _definitely_ make it come faster:). I've been dying to write this next chapter and finalllyyyyy i will:) Oh, and I dedicate this chapter to Shanay, and her history of Kooger Bears. You'll tell her for me, right jaralrunner and Ellzie? ;)_**

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**EPOV**

"_I hate gun shots." Mia whined, pressing her miniature palms against her delicate ears. Her face was twisted into a pained pout that faltered with each gun shot that echoed through our thin tent. She reached over to the wooden block that served as a night stand and began to search for her oversized glasses._

_I retrieved them for her and placed them gently on the brim of her nose. She blinked her foggy eyes and brought her gaze up to meet mine. The glasses didn't provide her with full vision– everything was still exceptionally blurry. But it wasn't black. That brought me hope. Carlisle would be able to find a way to give her her sight back. She _would_ become a doctor._

"_Thanks." Mia whispered. She held my hand to her face and closed her eyes. My large, calloused_ _hand covered her tiny face from chin to hairline. A sigh of contentment slipped through her thin, rosy lips, despite the thunderous bullets only two miles away._

_I pulled the small girl into my lap and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head I loved Mia, loved her as if she were my own daughter. The cannon of a tank shook the ground. Mia recoiled from the sound, shaking in harmony to the grounds vibration._

_I held her closer. I didn't like having Mia, who was barely eight, so close to the sight of the battle. Sadly, I knew there wasn't any other option. Even if I could get her into a plane back to the United States without having to fear for her life, I wouldn't do it. She would be taken away from me, given to some random pair of people that I might never see again. Mia meant far too much for me to just give away. I was too _selfish.

"_Is it all gonna be okay?" she asked in a hushed tone, tilting her head and squinting at me. _

"_Yes." I lied. I looked away as I spoke. I wasn't particularly lying . . . I guess. Everything _could_ end up okay. But I had no way of being sure it _would.

_Her small hand rested on the center of my right cheek. I tried to relax my tense muscles, but it was too late for her not to notice. _

"_You know you can't lie to me," She scolded quietly. "Even if I can't see you face clearly. Why do you even try?"_

_I sighed shamefully. I didn't know why I gave a wasted effort. So I didn't answer_

"_Edward?" She snuggled more into my lap, curling her whole body into me. "You'll protect me, right?"_

_I leaned sideways on the thin mat we sat on, pulling her down with me. I wrapped my arms around the balled up girl. My arms tensed, my grasp became a steely barrier._

"_They will never get their hands on you." I hissed solemnly into her ear. She giggled as my breath tickled her ear. The sound was tranquil and instantly relaxed all tension. I wrapped my arms tighter around my baby girl._

_The words were true. Now who was supposed to protect her from me?_

_._

I stirred. I didn't like this cold, dark, morbid place my mind had taken me to. I tried to remove my eyelids and allow light to wash away all of the bad, but I was unable to locate them. I was in a deep fog with no way of controlling my body enough to find a way out.

_._

"_Edward, wake up! We need you!"_

_I groaned. I had no idea how Mia and I had managed to drift into such a deep sleep. Mia, who was still snuggled into my protection barrier, still slept soundly despite the growing noise. My mind froze. The sounds were closer._

"_Come in!" I called urgently to the person outside my tent. My voice was thick with sleep, which worried me. How long had I been asleep? How much had I missed?_

_Jasper burst through the zipper door, nearly tearing it off. "Wake up, they've gotten closer." he ordered, grabbing for my bulky backpack as he spoke._

"_Mia." I gasped, pulling her closer._

"_Bring her to the medical tent," Jasper suggested in a rush. He yanked me up. I gathered Mia into my arms, cradling her securely into my chest. "Allison can keep an eye on her. Mia'll love it."_

_I bit my lip and looked down at Mia's peaceful face. She'll be safe, I assured myself sternly. I was needed. I would serve my duty. Mia would be _fine_._

"_Let's go, Edward!" Jasper barked as he made for the exit. I nodded and followed after without further protest. Jasper was always the calmer one in these situations. If he was worked up then it had to be bad. _

"_We'll take her to the medical tent," Jasper began running through his plans with me. "Then we'll meet up with Emmett at the exit. He'll have the weapons we need and the next instructions. We'll be back in no time, don't worry about Mia, 'kay?"_

_I swallowed and nodded. We were sprinting through the hectic base, other soldiers trooping past us towards the source of the main commotion. I could see the flames and smoke of the fight. They were much closer then I had expected._

"_Hurry back, I'll wait here." Jasper instructed urgently._

_I looked back at Jasper. I hadn't realized we'd reached the medical tent already. I nodded nervously and disappeared through the pulled back door. The sounds in this particular tent never failed to bring me discomfort. I didn't quite understand Mia's perpetual love of it. She was made to safe lives it seemed. To me, at least. _

"_Allison!" I called out to a middle aged girl with short, wavy light dirty blonde hair. She glanced over her shoulder towards me, but didn't switch her focus from the other doctor talking to her. She nodded swiftly at him before making two quick strides towards me. I breathed in relief that she looked unoccupied. "Will you watch over Mia for me while I'm out?"_

_She smiled brightly at the idea and stretched out her arms to take the sleeping child for me. I pressed my lips to Mia's forehead, wishing I could prolong my time with her before I left. Allison tenderly pushed my arms away from her and pulled her away from me._

"_You have to get out there, Edward." she reminded me. She eyed me sympathetically. "She's a great little nurse. She'll be safe and helpful here." _

_I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead again. "I'm gonna go make it alright now, Mia." I whispered, though I knew she was asleep and couldn't hear me. "I'm gonna make you safe." I quickly pulled back, wiping moisture from my eyes, and turned towards the exit before Allison could see. _

_I had no idea how false my words were. I didn't know that that was the last time I'd ever see my Mia safe and peaceful. _

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A broken sob pushed up my throat, begging to be released. It was causing me physical pain to keep this all bottled up inside of me. My head was throbbing, my wrists stinging, my chest shattered. For all I knew I could be dead. Hell was supposed to be painful, right?

"This is all my fault."

I felt jostled by the words that sudden broke through the room, dragging me into awareness. At first, I thought it was my voice. I was recalling what had been exactly _my_ fault. But, as I took in the other sounds of the room– a low, steady beeping, a chorus of sniffles, several sets of heavy breathing– memories of my previous actions came flowing back to me.

I had tried to commit suicide, and failed. Why the hell had I had to fail?! What else did I have to live for? Esme and Carlisle had other children, Alice and Emmett had Jasper and Rosalie, along with themselves. Mia was . . . gone, and Bella might as well be too. Why, why was He keeping me here? The sob choked up my throat again.

"Bella, don't say that." My sister's voice was hoarse and strained. I should have felt guilt, but I was oddly elated. Bella had come. . . why?

"I . . . I did this to him," Bella whispered, her voice suddenly strained and agonized too. I felt the urge to reach out and comfort her, like I had with Mia. But something about her reaction last time told me not to even try. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know . . . I didn't think he would . . . that he could . . . that this would _even_ . . ." She broke off into heaving sobs.

That made me snap. The hindering sob broke through my defenses and racked through my pained body. My eyes creaked open and I saw my observations were the description of a very morbid hospital room. I wanted to close them again, but I had spotted Bella. My eyes seemed to be trained to her, despite how little I even _knew_ about her. She didn't look at me. She was leaning against Alice, head in hands, sobbing and shaking her head much louder than mine.

I tried to pull my hands up to my face so I could disguise my hideous weakness, but they refused to move. Instead, as I strained them further, it sent a jolt of pain up my arm. I gave up and opened my eyes further, hoping the tears would dry with more exposure. My halfhearted theory was proved wrong as the tears flowed faster down my cheeks. A familiar pale hand fluttered to my cheek. I turned my head away from it shamefully.

"Oh Edward," my mother's concerned voice crooned as she felt the movement. Her hand swept away the falling tears and turned my head back to her. I felt a strange longing for another's hands to replaced her. Though, as I really thought about it, it wasn't all that strange. "I was so worried."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer to me, kissing every un-bandaged part of my face. Bandage. I wondered what exactly I'd managed to do to myself.

"Edward?" I tensed at the sound of Bella's broken voice, though Esme didn't halt from her kissing rampage. I wanted so badly to pull away from her, but the guilt was too much. "Can . . . would you mind if I talked to him. Just . . . just for a second, I promise."

Esme didn't answer. She kept her arms wrapped around my neck, her face blocking mine so that I could read neither expression. Alice was the one that broke the rigid silence.

"Esme and I have to go speak with Carlisle anyway," she whispered. I could hear her light feet tap across the tile floor and stop beside Esme. Esme kissed my forehead a final time before allowing Alice to drag her away. I watched them through half closed eyes until they were out of the door and turned into the hallway. They left without a backward glance.

I pulled my focus away from the empty doorway and searched for Bella again. I hadn't heard her move. She was standing at the foot of my lumpy cot, her hands resting on the white metal. She examined her thumbs as they twiddled nervously. I stared at her without a word. It wasn't her fault, this was all caused by me. I brought the burden of my pain upon myself. How could such an innocent, beautiful creature put this on her shoulders? I just wasn't sure how to tell her all this without striking another nerve.

"Say something." she finally pleaded, looking up from her hands. Her eyes were strikingly breathtaking, wide and agonized. It took me a minute to locate my voice and remember that she was still expecting a response.

"What is there to say?" I asked gruffly, my voice scratchy. I cleared my throat. I didn't think I'd slept for long. It definitely didn't feel it. Maybe it was just the tears.

"That you'll never forgive me," she spat, looking down at her hands again. Her voice was authoritative, pained. "That it was entirely my fault that you wanted to take yourself from this earth, and that I could have done so much better with everything. And that I'm a selfish little brat who really doesn't deserve a second chance."

I gaped at her. Where was this coming from? "I don't have the slightest idea of why I would say _that_." I snapped, deeply insulted that she thought so highly of me . . . or so low of herself.

She rose her head again to glare at me. Her eyes were alight with fury. "Edward Cullen, don't you dare try to lie and make _me_ feel better! I nearly killed you!"

I snorted. "How the _hell_ did you nearly kill me?" I demanded. She opened her mouth to rebuttal, but I cut her off. "Did you slit my wrists? Did you throw my head back into the metal foot of my bed? No, the answer is _no._ Bella, you can _not_ put this on yourself!"

She spun away from the metal at the foot of my bed and stomped to the side of my bed. Throwing her hands onto the mattress beside me, she leaned over to look me in the eye. "_No_ I did not do any of that," she hissed. "But I _did_ push you down further when I already knew you were in pain. I could see it in your eyes, but I was selfish and decided that you weren't good enough to understand what pain is."

She leaned in closer. "Edward, I think that you know pain better then I do." she breathed, her anger dissolving.

Her warm breath made my head swim. I smiled slyly, my irrational side taking over.

This time she didn't act surprised as my lips caught hers. She acted with pleasure, sliding her hands up the bed to wrap them carefully around my neck. I didn't try to deepen the kiss, knowing well that last time a mere accident had caused her to break. I wanted to know what she thought I wouldn't understand, but I wasn't going to ask. Maybe if I . . . and I would.

She broke away from lack of oxygen. I leaned forward to press my forehead gently against hers. She panted lightly, her chest heaving. I strained my arms to wrap them around her waist and pull her to the bed.

"Want to know a secret?"


	18. Chapter 17 Edward's Secret

_A/N- I'm in sooo much trouble for posting this at the given time, so uu guys better review danggit!!!! I cried writing it:( I dedicate this chapter to The doctor who's name I stole! ;)_

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**BPOV**

Edward's kiss didn't catch me off guard like it should have. My lips weren't non-responsive like I've trained them to be. I was supposed to flinch away but I _couldn't. _I kissed him back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cut of my lips defense. I was the most vulnerable I'd been in over a year, yet I felt so secure.

My lungs burned as time trickled by. I was afraid that the moment we broke contact the memories of hurt and rejection would invade me before Edward had the chance to bring them himself. It became too much, and I needed to breath. I broke away, my chest rising and dropping steadily as my breathing gradually calmed down.

Edward didn't allow me any time to fear about the pain enveloping me– his bandaged arms wound around my waist and pulled me onto the bed beside him. I gingerly placed my forehead against his as he continued to lure me closer. The feeling of his warm skin against mine sent tingling jolts down my spine.

It was beyond me why on earth I was allowing Edward to hold me. Maybe it was the fresh guilt that still coated my system that was preventing my self-defense from activating. I tried not to listen to the nagging throb of my heart and pay attention to his velvety voice as his sweet breath licked my face.

"Want to know a secret?" he whispered, his voice painstakingly beautiful and raging with conflict. This triggered an odd sense of curiosity from deep within me.

"What kinda secret?" I asked, my voice in the same hushed tone.

"On without a happy ending."

His response was not one I'd been expecting. I had though he was going to say some sweet talk, player thing. I'd been relying on that, actually. It would have given me the motivation I needed to pull away from Edward's beautiful face. I couldn't locate the pain that usually bubbled in my chest whenever I tried to be friendly with anyone, but I knew it was there. Edward was just making it take refuge until it could come out ten times worse.

"Why do you want to tell me?" My voice, if possible, was even quieter.

"Because I think I can trust that you won't look at me any differently even if you know." Edward breathed. His eyes smoldered. "And I think you have a right to know what truly drove me to try to commit suicide."

I stared wordlessly back into his earnest, burning eyes, taken back slightly by his casual use of the word. I knew the moment I allowed him to open up to me he'd expect the same from me. I couldn't do that. He'd . . . hurt me. Just like everyone else. Right?

I slowly released a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. He took that as an okay.

"I bet you've heard about how I was quite a party animal before I left for war," he chuckled. I leaned back and wrapped my arms around my stomach, suddenly eager to hear his story. I nodded.

"Everything was so easy then, I was so careless." He mused, his eyes focusing on something face beyond me. He looked back at me and sighed. "And then, after two months of action deprived guard-duty, I met Mia." He eyed me warily before launching himself into his story.

"The main building of the small town we were stationed in was invaded and a bomb was placed deep in the center of it. It couldn't be reached in time to stop it. The speaker demanded that we evacuate the building before it went off. I was the last one up, so the building was basically cleared out by the time I was making my rounds.

"I was lost and was beginning to believe I was going further in than out. That's when I heard her crying. She was trying to stay quiet, pressed against the far wall.

She screamed at the sound of my arrival. Her arms and legs had been sliced in an attempt to get information she didn't know. They'd left her to die, whether it was from bleeding to death or the bomb's explosion. She cried and pleaded for me not to cut her again. I was taken aback– I thought she would have seen that I looked nothing like the monsters that had hurt her . . ."

His eyes glazed over as he continued his reminiscing. I was steadily growing self conscious of his arms around my waist. His eyes caught mine again as he continued.

"I managed to assure Mia that I wasn't one of them. I promised" — his voice choked up— "her that I'd never hurt her. Ha!" I started, his voice continued to rise. "_Never_ hurt her. What a freaking lie! It was probably the worst lie I ever made!"

Tears began to flow over the brim of his eyes. I felt his arms try feebly to pull me closer to him. In response, I laid myself fully on the bed beside him and wrapped my own arms around him. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did to see Edward in pain. _Danger!_ My heart cried. _You're going to get used and hurt, again! _I ignored its pleads and curled myself into Edward's chest as he slid his arms securely around me and cried silently into my shoulder.

"You don't have to tell me if it hurts, Edward." I assured hm quietly.

He shook his head into my shoulder.

"You know why she didn't recognize me?" his voice was broken, on the edge of hysteria. I tightened my hold, worried that he might fall apart like his voice threatened. "Because the little tortured girl was nearly blind. She though it was night! She wanted to be a doctor, you know. What kind of eight year-old living in a torturous place like that wants doctor as their first career choice?

"I promised her that, too. I said she _would _become a doctor. So many broken promises . . ." He swallowed. The moisture pooling up on my shoulder ceased. "She took a few days to be cleaned of all infection. One of the doctors had an extra pair of glasses she could use, even. They were much too big for her, but still. It showed me hope. She could become a doctor after all . . .

"We were inseparable. Mia was like my daughter. I loved her. So _damn_ much." — his voice cracked— "Whenever I had to go somewhere, I'd leave her in the safety of the medical tent. She actually was pretty helpful there, learned a few things. She was always so happy. . .

"Five months. I'd been with my baby for five months. Only three more and I knew we'd be home free. I wouldn't have to fear for Mia's life every time I heard a gunshot. I'd be able to close my eyes and know without a worry she'd be there, still alive and well, when I opened them again. That's when Hell decides to come and ruin it. Ruin _everything_.

"They were closing in on the North side of us and we didn't have enough time to retreat. They were fighting only miles away from us. Mia and I fell asleep in the midst of it. They only got closer. Jasper awoke us, well me, and ordered that we had to go _now_ I didn't want to wake Mia, she looked so at peace. If only I _had_ . . .

"I dropped her off at the medical tent, as always, while she was still asleep. I went off, armed and all, prepared to battle for the safety of my precious baby girl. But it was too late, they were already too close."

I laid, mystified, absorbing each of Edward's strained words, wondering what he was building up to. His voice was so faraway and agonized. I didn't want him to have to relive the terrible experience because of me. But the name Mia, that stunned me to silence. I was still appalled by the absence of the pain that usually clenched my chest at the reminders that name brought me. I still felt _whole._

Edward pulled away from my shoulder to look me directly in the eye. His emeralds were already puffy and tear stained. He bit his lip cautiously. I felt my breathing speed up throughout his prolonged silence, anxiety creeping its way into me. What was so bad?

He opened his mouth, then snapped it forcibly back shut with an audible _pop_. He realized before I did that he'd just broken through the barrier that had willingly been holding back what he was afraid to say.

"I killed her, Bella." He blurted out. His voice was hollow, impassive. "She was terrified when I wasn't there when she awoke in the tent. Allison, the doctor I'd left her with was busy with a patient. She burst out of the tent at the first gunshot she heard. She had never let me go without a good bye, nor had she really ever hear the gunshots so _close_.

"She was too fast to be spotted by the preoccupied soldiers. She was too determined to locate me to be scared of her surroundings. I was loading my gun, zoning in on the enemy. She called my name.

"I didn't realize it was really her. The voice was vague, so I thought some unconscious part of my mind was using her voice to convince me not to use the gun; she hated them. It all happened too fast. It . . . it hurts to remember."

I composed my shock, my horror; all feelings as his first words registered in my mind. _I killed her. _Oh dear God. How in the world . . . ?

Edward's face crumbled and he thrust it back onto my shoulder. My body was numb and didn't react. My words of comfort stuck in my throat.

"She recognized my distinct features from where she was, crowded with a hundred other soldiers deep in combat. Her voice was jubilant as she called for me this time. I thought that my mind was assuring me that it was okay . . . Then she was accidently bumped in the back of the head.

"The force of it wasn't much, but it knocked his oversized glasses clear off her head. She tried to recoil from the unwelcome contact, I think, and that's how she ended up stumbling. Stumbling so that she stood right in front of my loaded gun.

"And I fired."

I couldn't control my involuntary gasp that shattered my composure. My body shook with cries of sympathy for Mia, for Edward. That was the single most terrible thing I had ever heard. I . . . my head couldn't wrap around the concept of it. Edward had– on accident– shot Mia, the girl who he had considered his daughter. Who he had loved more than the world. The appeal of suicide? How the hell had he managed to hold on for so long?!

"Oh Edward!" I sobbed, pressing my forehead into the crook of his neck. "I didn't know . . . I . . . that's so terrible . . . why . . . oh. . ."

Edward inhaled a deep, strained breath. "And you know what the worst part was?" he whispered scathingly into my ear. "Not watching her blood splatter all over me and the ground. Not seeing the light shine through the hole in her head that _I _had created as she fell to the ground. Not feeling the cold stillness of her wrist as I dropped to the ground beside her. Not the promises I'd made her shattering like broken glass.

"It was her expression before my trigger was pulled. She had been elated to realize it was me she was standing in front of. The terror on her face at the fact that she was blind in the middle of a battle field evaporated at our closeness. She was smiling as she took the deadly blow. Her arms stretching towards me. 'Eddie!' she had sighed before I'd had the opportunity myself to register her presence . . . I killed her." A choked sob cut of the rest of whatever he had planned on saying.

I felt his pain washing over me in waves. It was worse then my insecurities had ever brought me. I could never imagine living with his burden. I would have killed myself at the very moment I had watched someone who meant so much to me die. I'd never felt so much sympathy for one person.

"Don't leave me," Edward pleaded, his voice nothing more than exasperated gasps. "It will kill me if I have to deal with the freshened memories, the nightmares, all alone. Please, Bella, please."

I swallowed my sobs and snuggled closer into Edward. I tilted my head to kiss his cheek.

"Edward, I'll stay with you forever."


	19. Chapter 18 Single Tear

_A/N- sooo yeaaa. If you cried in the last chapter, your not alone:( Sorry if my updates are infrequent, i'm suffering my first case of writer's block! Ughhhh it sucks!!!!!! So I came up with a new fanfic, but i'm not submitting it until I finish this one. I'm putting a part of it on my homepage. Leave a PM or a review on here to tell me what you think of it. It's just going to be the preface. Well, enjoy _**_Single Tear._**

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BPOV

_Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . ._

The steady rhythm of Edward's heart woke me. I didn't know what portion of the night was actually spent sleeping. I'd spent most of it using all of my energy to just hold Edward as close to me as I could. I couldn't bare even thinking of the burden he held on his shoulders. It must have been terrible. Must still _be _terrible. Killing a best friend, a girl you could consider your _daughter_. I shuddered and clung tighter to Edward. How could he be so strong?

The floor scratched against the tile floor and I suddenly realized what had truly woken me. It couldn't have been the monitor– I'd been listening to it all night. Light footsteps flitted across the floor. I didn't have to open my sleep sealed eyes to guess who it was.

"Bella? Bells are you awake?" Alice whispered from beside the bed. Her petite hand rubbed my shoulder gently, not urgently like she was in a rush to wake me. Just as a comforting gesture.

Another set of footsteps echoed through the room. They were heavier, but gentle and weighed. They stopped beside where Alice had. "Baby, just let her sleep." Esme's voice crooned. Her hand slid onto my shoulder too and withdrew with Alice's. "I think she's making Edward feel better."

"But Charlie . . ." She drifted off in a suggesting manor.

I bit my lip self consciously. I'd all but forgotten about Charlie. Sure, I'd left him a note informing him of my absence, but I hadn't left any specifics. He was probably going berserk. I tried not to think about it. I'd made a promise to Edward that I wouldn't leave him, and now would most definitely not be a good time to break it.

"He can wait, hun," Esme said in a hushed tone. She spoke sternly, yet with so much love and devotion that I felt a void form in my chest. My mother had always loved me, but I could easily tell that Esme would do anything for her children, while Renee would do anything but help them when it was more than needed.

There was a slight pause before Alice's footsteps echoed through the room again. Esme's followed hers, and soon they were both gone through the creaking door. I sighed in relief, mentally thanking Esme, and snuggled closer into Edward's chest. I ducked my head under his chin and waited for sleep to find me again.

Edward shifted. His arms tightened around my waist and drew me even closer to him. I chuckled. I'd thought that such a feat was impossible. He grunted at the noise.

"You awake?" He mumbled groggily.

I nodded into his chest. "Are you?"

He chortled. "Not really. But I'm famished."

I considered his words for a second, then switched my focus on my stomach. It gurgled hungrily. "Me, too." Neither of us made any move to go get any food. I sighed, remembering that he couldn't exactly leave this bed.

"Want me to go get you something, or get a nurse to bring you something . . .?" I asked, unsure. I pulled, reluctantly, away from his chest to look up at his face. His eyes were still shut, the outsides were pink and puffy from his tears from the previous night. They blinked open slowly as he felt the warmth of my head shift away from his chest.

"Would that mean you'd get out of this bed?" He breathed, his voice surprisingly agonized at the thought.

I blinked and took a deep breath, the pain in his words catching me off guard. "Well, uhm, yes?" I said cautiously, watching his face worriedly.

His mouth twisted up painfully, his eyes tightened, but the rest of his face was carefully composed. "Is there any other way you could get food into this room?"

I studied him for a moment. "Why would I have to figure that out?" I questioned, more curious to see his response then reluctant to move away from the lazy warmth of the lumpy cot.

His lips fell into a hard line. "The moment you were to leave . . ." he began slowly, each word guardedly chosen. "I'd feel pain." He dropped the full power of his eyes to mine. They smoldered. "Bella, your like an angel. You take away all of my pain."

I bit my lip, blushing, and looked down. The room fell silent for a moment, aside from the constant whirring of machines. I finally gathered up the courage to look him back in the eyes. "Edward, I'll find another way." I promised with a slight smile.

"Take your time." He grinned back at me and leaned down to press his lips gently against my hair. Pulling back, he looked down at my face. It felt numb with suppressed fear. I wondered what expression it portrayed. "I'm sorry, do you mind?"

I reigned in a sense of security and looked Edward in the eye. "No, it's . . . it's fine." I muttered before looking back down. He tilted his head curiously.

"You know, Bella," he whispered, his hand sliding out from behind me to push my face back up to look at him. He kept his hand under my chin. "You never told me what I didn't understand."

My breathing stopped and my heart jumped. I coughed uncomfortably, the nagging feeling of something stuck there bothered me. I shook my head feverishly. "I . . . I'm sorry, I can't talk about that right now, Edward." I objected feebly.

His face fell a little. "You don't trust me." he accused. Warmth colored my cheeks.

"No!" I quickly disagreed. That wasn't even close to the truth. "It's just that I'm not ready right now. You know, only one tragic tale a day."

He cracked a small smile at that. "Promise you'll tell me soon?"

My eyebrows arched. "That's an awful lot of promises for one person, don't you think?" I joked.

His face hardened. Obviously he wasn't kidding around. "Promise?"

I rolled my eyes at his serious expression. "Of course I promise." Still not releasing my chin, he leaned in and pressed his lips to my hair again. The involuntary smile that spread across my lips couldn't have been stopped. He pulled back and tilted my head up again. I wasn't sure if kissing him again would bring about good results, or pained ones. I took a deep breath. It was Edward's pain that mattered more right now . . .

"Bella? Edward?"

His hand dropped from my chin and we both snapped our heads to look in the direction of the door. I'd forgotten that we weren't in a disclosed area, but in a hospital room. With this brought to my attention, my thoughts drifted back to Charlie again.

Alice smiled awkwardly at us as she glided over to the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry," she giggled nervously. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything . . ." I blushed deep scarlet and looked away.

"Too bad you did." Edward scoffed under his breath. I glanced at him to see him glaring expectantly at his sister. He didn't look annoyed but, oddly enough, amused. I looked back down. This was beyond embarrassing. I hadn't had the chance to feel embarrassment at our sleeping arrangements when Esme and Alice had first come in because I was barely consciousness. Now, fully alert, I could sense the ideas this picture could plant into other's heads.

"Bella, Charlie's worried sick about you," Alice reminded me, her voice slightly strained. I permitted myself a quick peek at her. Her eyes were still locked with Edward's. I hastily averted my gaze back to Edward's chest. "He wants you home."

Edward's arms tensed around me. "Does she have to go?" His voice broke.

Alice sighed sadly. "Unless you want Charlie to shoot you, yes." I winced at her choice of words. That was hitting below the belt.

Edward huffed, his warm breath parting my hair. "I'd prefer."

I pushed back from Edward and straightened to draw Alice's attention. I didn't like how she was hurting him, even if she didn't know. "Alice, can't Charlie just come here?" I interceded before she could make a rebuttal. She started, almost as if she'd forgotten I was actually there. "Or can I just call him or something?"

She rolled her eyes. "Bella, Edward will still be here when you get back." she assured me in a bored tone. "Come on, you need to get in a new pair of clothes. Really Bella, sweats?"

I frowned. "No." I insisted stubbornly.

She narrowed her eyes. "Now, Bella." she ordered, her voice taking an edge to it. I cringed into Edward. Her eyes softened. "Please, Bells? We need to talk." Her eyes drifted purposely from Edward to me.

I inhaled guiltily. "Fine." I agreed reluctantly. I slid out of Edward's stiffened arms and touched my feet to the chilly floor. I shuddered.

"I'll be right back Edward, with food, too."

He smiled weakly. "Okay." His voice was hollow, his eyes tight with pain. I swallowed regretfully.

"Come on, Bells!" Alice whined, back to her usual perky self. She looped her small, white hand around my wrist and pulled me towards the door. I looked back at Edward with sorrow filled eyes, feeling terrible that I was leaving him in his given state.

My heart faltered as I saw a single tear run down his cheek before I turned into the hallway.


	20. Chapter 19 One Reason

_A/N- AHHHH i'm soooo sorry i havent updated in awhile!!! I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER BACK ANDDDD IT HAS INTERNET!!!!! Thank uuu sooo much for being patient, there will be updates frequently now, k? Reviews, as always, help sooo much:) This is dedicated to **Lions-Lamb-4ever **for being awesome and writing my authors note for me:) **Check out some of her stories!** Now here's the long awaited _**_One Reason._**

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**EPOV**

Hatred and pain clenched my chest so tightly that I couldn't quite locate my lungs.

The hatred directed itself towards Alice for taking my Bella, my _sanctuary_ from the nauseating agony, away from me. Now, of all the times to, Alice had chosen to step in between me and what I needed. The pain was the after effect that was rapidly taking its toll on me.

I fought to keep straight, stiff, and composed as Bella was towed reluctantly out the door by Alice. Her eyes lingered on my face, sincere worry and regret swimming inside them. She wanted to go with Alice as much as I wanted her to, that much was evident. It made me feel a little better, the thought that she truly seemed to care. I'd recently told her that I'd shot a little girl in the head and she'd died with her arms outstretched towards me, yet she still appeared to care about me. The very recollection of the event without Bella in my arms hit me like a freight train and I felt my insides cripple as I fought against the urge to double over in my pain.

A single tear slid down my face and hit the cheap cotton blankets below me. Bella disappeared completely.

I understood that Bella cared for me in some way. I was also perfectly aware that the first reason she'd come down to the hospital at all was because of guilt. I could see that the main reason she stayed was empathy. I could sense the instinctive hesitation in her movements before she ever wound herself closer to me that even she seemed oblivious to. I could feel the stony doubt in her soft lips as I captured them in mine. I could tell she was holding back, not letting her guard down for the slightest catch of time to even consider letting me inside. I wanted to be friends, at the least, while she was preoccupied grieving over her shady past. How could she not trust me? Was the monster inside of me so prominent that she could see it so simply every time she gazed unsurely at me face? I really was a monster.

The tears flowed faster now.

I leaned over on my side and pulled my trembling knees to my chest. The pain wasn't just in my chest now, it was flowing through my veins like adrenaline. It made my pulse speed– along with the beeping of the monitor– and my body throb. The cuts on my arms felt like they were being torn open again, only this time it offered no release. I pressed my palms against my forehead as it threatened to burst.

I'd been wrong to keep Bella with me for an extended period of time. The pain was only stored up, gradually growing towards its full potential.

"Edward!" An angry voice yelled from the door to my room. I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't need anymore scolding, this was punishment enough.

"Oh my God, EDWARD?"

It took me longer than it should have to register who's voice it was. It wasn't until calloused, bulky hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me roughly to my back that I realized it was Emmett. I peeled my eyelids back to squint at his infuriated face.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" He spate, his temple flaring. "Why the hell would you try to fucking _kill_ yourself, Edward!"

I recoiled from his harsh words, turning my aching head away in shame. He wouldn't have this.

Emmett's hand left my right shoulder and snatched my chin. He jerked my face roughly towards him. "_Look at me_." He hissed. "You made Esme break down, cry, go into _hysterics!_ Is that what you _wanted_ Edward? Attention? Cause damn, you got some!"

I tried to shake my head, but the weak attempt was made impossible by Emmett's steely grip. He didn't seem to take note to my effort.

His face contorted into a threatening scowl. "You made Carlisle ashamed and guilty. Alice terrified and _guilty._ Rosalie's worried sick; I mean like a 'I'm too tired' kinda sick. Dude, that's torturing me more than _you_ will ever know!" I closed my eyes and tried to chase away the twisted and inappropriate meaning of his words. Luckily, he dropped that subject. "And Jasper . . . hell, I don't even _know_ what's up with him! I mean–

"I can speak for myself, Emmett." Jasper's authoritative voice cut through the tense atmosphere. The loud bang of the door colliding with the hospital wall followed. After that the room fell silent. I didn't dare say a word, nor did I plan on opening my eyes– though I knew that's what they were both waiting for. I could feel their exasperated glares burning through my head.

"You're stressing him out, Emmett." Jasper finally breathed, his voice closer now, though I had heard no footsteps. I peered through my eyelashes at Jasper as he gestured towards my heart monitor. I hadn't realized how hyped up I was. "Maybe you should leave."

"Yes, that might be a good idea, dear." A nasally female voice flowed into the room. A short, plump nurse ventured through the door and towards the monitors. Jasper backed himself into the wall and watched her expectantly. She snapped her head back to glower at Emmett. "You may excuse yourself."

Emmett scowled in disapproval. The nurse rose her eyebrows, daring him to object her authority. He faltered, his expression smoothing over. Emmett turned his head towards me, eyes narrowed, then shot out of the room without another word. Jasper and I watched him leave, slightly awed that he'd left without argument.

The nurse's hands fluttered over the charts and monitor screens before she returned to my bedside. "How are you feeling, sweety?" She questioned, her nasally voice taking on a motherly tone. Her hands rested on my bandages and she shook her head. "I'll have to get you some clean bandages."

Jasper remained impassive and still as stone as the nurse bustled around the room. I surveyed him warily as my cuts were cleaned and wrapped up again. I tried my hardest to stay distracted with petty inconsequentials to keep my mind from drifting back to what might bring me pain or my eyes from lingering on my gruesome cuts. Jasper kept his eyes glued to the window beyond my bed.

"There you go, sweetheart." The nurse finally crooned, leaning back from my head. She squinted her eyes as she scrutinized my miserable face. Great, I could only imagine what she could be thinking while looking at the pained face of a suicidal man. "Maybe you should get some more sleep, darling. I don't think you'll be going home quite yet."

I nodded and obediently closed my eyes, though sleep was the furthest thing from my mind right now. I just needed her and Jasper out of the room so I could get back to my wallowing. I heard her sigh as she lightly patted my upper arm. There was a light flutter of steps before the door was closed. I exhaled a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"You're not out of the water yet, Edward Cullen."

My eyes snapped open. Jasper was at the foot of my bed, hands clenched around the thin metal bars. I grimaced. His face was still composed, his eyes, however, were blazing with fury. He'd been waiting for his moment.

"Tell me, what the _hell_ was going through your mind when you tried to _kill_ yourself, Edward?" Jasper demanded, his voice remaining even and calm.

I winced. Jasper's calm voice was worse than when he screamed at me. I shook my head. I truly had no response.

"I'll tell you what must _not_ have been!" Jasper exploded, his voice breaking into rage. "All of the work that your parents have put into your life to make it great for you. All of your skill and potential for your music career. How much Alice and Emmett, Esme and Carlisle care for you. Your best friend, Jasper Hale, and how your death would affect him. How terrible _everyone_ would have felt. How _everyone_ would have blamed themselves! Does this mean _anything _to you?!"

I took a deep breath and lowered my eyes to my arms. The bandages were so white and pristine, just like everything else in this place. It was like a reminder that I'd never fit in, no matter where I was. I searched my mind for a response to give Jasper. None seemed suitable.

"Damn it Edward!" Jasper fumed. "I saved your life! Does that mean nothing to you?"

I scowled and looked back up at him. "No, it really doesn't." I spat, my voice level. "If you hadn't then this never would have happened, huh? I wouldn't have ever suffered, Esme, Alice, Carlisle, and Emmett couldn't have possibly blamed me and I would have died fighting for my country. I wouldn't have brought any shame." I dropped my gaze again.

"And how I would have felt doesn't qualify? I don't matter cause I'm not family, huh?" His voice was low and calm again. "Do think I could have just stood there and watched you place yourself purposefully in the line of fire because you made a . . . a mistake! Mistakes _happen_! Will you just let it go!"

I narrowed my eyes and snapped my head back up to eye him angrily. "Is that what you call it?" I hissed. "A _mistake_?! Ha! Shooting a little girl square in the head is _not_ a mistake. Those kinds of mistakes don't just happen. You should have just let me die."

Jasper met my gaze warily. He shook his head shamefully and looked down at his hands as they unlatched themselves from the metal bar. "Well, I could never have done that." He whispered. "And I doubt that you wouldn't have been able to either. Just tell me now, do you have no reason to live?" He met my vacant gaze and rose his eyebrows.

I felt my face drop as one solitary thought ran through my mind like a heart beat. _Thump, thump, thump, Bella, Bella, Bella. _She was my only reason of being now. I barely knew her, but she was the only one who could chase away the pain anymore.

Jasper sighed and pushed away from my bed. I didn't know what my face was revealing, though it was obvious there was more than I wanted showing. "I didn't think so." The door slipped close behind him seconds later.

I leaned back in my bed with a sigh of resignation. I couldn't fool Jasper. Aside from Bella, he was the only one that knew what I'd done. He'd been there when it happened, right beside me. I'd been so set to dying the moment I registered what had just happened. I'd been unwilling to go through the suffering I knew was soon to follow. I say my escape and I'd leapt for it. Damn Jasper for having to go and all but ruin it. I rolled over to my side and curled into a ball. But if I'd died then I'd never have met Bella . . .

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"_Mia!" _

_I choked back a sob as I watched the small, bloodied body of my little girl hit the ground. She wasn't dead. She couldn't be. She. Couldn't. Be. _

_I fell to my knees beside her body and reached from her wrist. I pressed my fingers into it, praying for a pulse. There was a short stutter, then it was still. Nothing. Resignation chilled my body. _

_She truly was dead. I'd just killed my Mia. _I killed her_._

"_No! No, Mia, no!" I cried, throwing my body over her crumpled form. Her blood soaked into my shoulder. I glanced towards her head. There was a deep gash oozing blood no bigger than the size of a quarter. I was a monster. I . . . I refused to believe it. "Please Mia. Please say you're not dead!" I gathered her into my arms and wept into her shoulder. _

"_Edward, get up!" _

_I shook my head into my dead angel's shoulder. I was going nowhere. I wanted death. I deserved death. People like me were sick demons that shouldn't be permitted the privilege to walk this earth. I crawled forward, Mia cradled to my chest, towards the center of the battlefield. Maybe I'd get lucky and be shot in the head, too._

"_Edward, damn it, let her go!" It was Jasper's strained voice that I depicted. I tried to command my arm to raise itself and wave him away. I'd killed one too many people I cared about today. I continued crawling._

_A gunshot ricocheted above my head. _Soon,_ I easily promised myself. _Mia, I'm so sorry I did this to you. I . . . I will make sure that when I join you shortly I will prove it to you._ Doubt hinted through my mental vow to Mia's lifeless form. Would I end up going to heaven like her? That seemed highly unlikely. All the same, I found myself smiling. This wouldn't be punishment, it'd be a release._

"_Duck!" Jasper called out from behind me, his voice closer than it had just been. I tried to raise my head, to disobey his request and get myself killed, but a calloused hand reached down and slammed my head into the ground. My breath left my in one sharp whoosh. I didn't have time to fill my lungs again before I was being dragged back from Where I lay awkwardly on the ground. Mia was pushed from my arms, her warm blood the only part lingering with me. I was thrown roughly through the air and my chest collided roughly with a rounded surface. I hadn't realized my eyes were closed._

_I opened them in time to watch myself spin in a circle as Jasper spun away from the raging battle. I saw Mia's limp form sprawled out only yards away from me. I shrieked and began beating on Jasper's back_

"_Let me go!" I demanded, outraged and desperate. "I can't just leave her there! I want to die, Jasper! Let me _die_!" I choked off into hysterics as he kept on stealing me away from my one wish, my one sanctuary left in the world. . . It all went black._

_._

_It was dark, cold. I was almost positive that I'm still dreaming, but it's hard to tell. Everything still feels so realistic, the agony still fresh as it pulsed through my veins. It scared me. If this wasn't a dream then I wouldn't know what was coming for me next. Dreams, though just as unpredictable, weren't real. This was beginning to feel surreal._

_The black began to fade into a hazy gray. The atmosphere choking me with smoke. I took a deep breath and coughed. Was there a fire in the hospital? My eyes flew open and I started._

_I was up in the sky looking down on something that seemed to vague, yet so recent it frightened me. I saw myself, perched on one knee, aiming a gun. I realized in dismay that this was me during the scene of Mia's death. How many times must I be forced to relive this moment? _

_As I tore my eyes away from myself I searched the crowd for where Mia would come stumbling down. I blinked my eyes and scanned the land around me again. There were no people. _

_It was only me, sitting on one knee firing my gun again and again, omitting large clouds of smoke each time. My face was set in concentration, as if there was an enemy beyond my range of sight. Intrigued, I tilted my head to peek beyond the puffs of smoke. There was no shock, no disbelief, as I saw no people on the never ending gray tundra. _

"_Edward, oh Edward!" A sweet, innocent voice called from my left. It rang out the same time as the me on land fired another shot. I glanced towards the source of the disturbance, half expecting to see Mia approaching me for a fatal death scene. My eyes widened in horror as I caught sight of Bella. _

_She was skipping happily through the billows of ash towards where the other me sat. Her face held a careless smile, as if she had no worry in the world. _No!_ I wanted to scream. _Stay away from him! He'll kill you!_ I couldn't, though, for this was a dream and I obtained no control over what would happen next._

_Maybe if Bella wasn't such a natural klutz she wouldn't fall all the time and give me a reason to fear for her life at this moment as she was lured closer and closer to the distant me. He was bemused, unaware of anything other than the gun in his hand. I shuddered. _Please Edward._ I begged myself._

"_Edward, stop playing with your silly toys and come get something to eat!" Bella giggled as she arrived only a few feet from him. She slid her hands to her waist and surveyed him. Her eyes gradually narrowed. "Edward Anthony–_

NO!

_She rose one foot and, as she placed it on top of perhaps the only rock on the whole terrain, stumbled forward. The idiotic me on land paid her no mind as she failed to catch herself in time to keep from landing in his range of fire. I began to sob. _

No, no. Not Bella, no.

_The man– I refused to refer to him as me any longer– positioned his gun yet again and placed his finger on the trigger. Bella twisted her body to call out his name as she fell in front of him. A smile crept across his face as he gazed past her lumbering form. He pulled the trigger._

_._

"NO!" I screamed, lurching myself upright in bed. Tears streamed down my face. I was a monster, a terror to everyone's well-being. I didn't deserve to be here, I was only here because I was greedy.

"Bella," I sobbed as I reached down to rip off my bandages. "I'm so sorry, Bella."


	21. Final Notice

_A/N- OKAY so I understand that some ppl find no point in reviewing._

_Some people just don't wan2 strain themselves or waste the time._

_but honestly, I 'm tired of writing this, having over four hundred people read a chapter and then get barely five reviews._

_You tell me. Does that sound fair?!_

_I'm saying this now. I honestly do not plan writing further. I'm sick and tired of writing and getting barely any feedback. I don't care if its a simple 'good job update soon' or some extended review on how crappy it is. I just want to know whats wrong and what to fix. That's my whole idea about being here. _

_There will not be anymore chapters for Mistakes Happen until I actually think that the people who are reading this actually realize how much of my time I put into these chapters. _

_I'm sorry to those who review and to those that this might sound harsh and stupid too. I'm just annoyed, k?_

_**~Rossie**_


	22. Chapter 20 Love?

_A/N- okayyyy so I was a total bitch with that note, i apologize. Frustration. Holiday stress, uk. Plus I'm sick with three tournaments on my agenda. Paid for already, so there's no backing out. Besides, you probably don't care about this petty problems;). Okay, so here's the next chapter. please review. It took me awhile to write it . . . blame hannah;) Now I quit rambling-- _**_Love?_**

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**BPOV**

"Alice, I honestly don't think it's a good idea for me to leave Edward right now." I objected, wiggling my wrist out of her grip.

Alice huffed and turned to face me. "Bella," She snatched my wrist again. "You need to tell me something. When did you even start liking my brother?" She narrowed her eyes expectantly the moment mine lowered to the ground.

"I . . . I don't have an exact time." I admitted, not quite sure of a suitable response.

Alice's snowy hand caught my chin and tilted my head up. Her eyes softened as she met my vulnerable gaze. "Okay." She nodded faintly, her eyes suddenly wary. "Now do you have a reason why?"

My brows furrowed. "What?" I asked, perplexed.

Alice sighed and her hand dropped from my face. She looked down at her feet. "Bella," she began slowly. "You're not . . . well, you're not just acting like this because he tried to kill himself, are you? Like, just because you're guilt ridden?"

My jaw dropped. "What?! Of course not!" I fumed. Her accusing me of such a thing was hitting below the belt. It actually hurt.

She peered at me from beneath her long eyelashes. "I trust you, Bella."

I huffed and looked away. Sure she did.

"Come on, you must be starving." Alice offered me her hand, changing to topic. I would have protested had my stomach not growled. Right on cue. I'd been so preoccupied I had failed to realize that I was famished. I placed my hand in hers. Alice smiled at me before turning and yanking me down the hall towards the hospital exit.

"So here's my plan," Alice chirped once we reached Edward's Volvo. "You need to go home and talk to Charlie– he's worried out of his mind. You left with a note that didn't even explain who you were visiting! Bells, he's been giving Carlisle hell. I never knew he had it in him."

I groaned and dropped into the passenger's seat. "Well then how will me seeing him make the situation any better?" I challenged, closing my door as Alice started the car. "He might not let me come back to the hospital after he's got me home."

Alice turned her head to look out the back window. Once she had backed out, she turned her head so that she was looking out the windshield again. "Maybe that'd be for the best." She replied in a low voice without looking back at me.

I looked over at her incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me!" I huffed, leaning back roughly and crossing my arms. "You _don't_ trust me!" I lurched forward, putting my hands over the cup holders between us, and narrowed my eyes at her when she didn't look away from the road even though we were motionless at the exit of the hospital parking lot. "I would _never_ hurt Edward! Do you hear me?"

Alice pulled onto the road without another word. I kept my pose, glaring at her with angry expectation. She sighed. "Bella, lean back in your seat," She ordered calmly, still refusing to look me in the eye. "You could get us both hurt sitting like that."

I snorted, but leaned back. Folding my arms across my chest again, I rested my head against the headrest and scowled out my window. "I thought I could trust _you_, Alice."

The car lurched to a stop and I jerked forward, nearly choking myself with my seatbelt I'd forgotten I even buckled. Alice unbuckled herself and wrenched the keys out of the ignition. I heard her door slam and I slumped back in the seat and breathed in to catch my lost air. My door was thrown aside and two small hands flew down to unlatch my seatbelt. I was tugged from my seat before I could register what was going on.

"Bella, you are the most absurd person I've ever met." Alice scoffed impassively. I bit my lip and looked at her quizzically. "Of course you can trust me. I trust you. I . . . It's just that I'm scared. I don't like being scared, Bella." A droplet of water spilled over the brim of her eye.

I felt moisture pool up at the edge of my eyes. My arms wove themselves around Alice's tiny frame and pulled her closer to me. "Alice, he's going to be fine." I promised. She sniffed into my shoulder. "He . . . he's just been through some pretty rough things. Do . . . has he ever told you what happened?"

Alice coughed. "Um, what happened when?" Her voice sounded slightly too innocent.

"When he was at war." I weighed each word carefully. I cursed myself internally if she didn't know. I'd have to make up some excuse for something else that happened to him, for if he hadn't told her himself he probably didn't want her to know.

"Jasper gave me a rough outline." She admitted guiltily. "But I'm not too sharp on the details."

I took a deep breath. "Well, what he tell you?"

She sighed and leaned back. I watched her cautiously as she slid her hand down to my arm and pulled me to the grass beside where the car had been parked. I hadn't noticed that we were in front of Charlie's house, nor had I noticed how dark it was. How long had I been at the hospital? I didn't even know what time it was. The wetness of the grass brought my attention back to Alice.

"He told me about a little girl, Mia," She looked up at me to see if I understood the relation to the name. I grimaced before nodding her on. She already knew too much. "And that Edward really loved and cared for her, as if she were his own daughter." She looked down at her hands. "He also told me that she was caught and killed when he was in combat. That Edward had tried to run out the middle of the field to kill himself when the message reached him. Apparently that's how he got all of his scratches– crawling around on the rough ground."

I bit my lip and looked down too, all color draining from my face. She had it all wrong. Bless Jasper for that. "Yeah, that's what Edward told me." I whispered, afraid my voice would crack if I used any volume. "He claims I take the pain away."

Alice released a long breath I didn't know she'd been holding. "Is that why you stick around?" Her voice was curious, not offending.

"No." I confessed, timidly peeking up at her. She eyed me inquisitively. "He . . . well it feels like he takes away my pain, too." To my surprise, she laughed.

"That's not messed up at all," She half snorted. I surveyed her in dismay. "You guys seem to be each other's painkillers. Is that it? You guys are just going to stick to each other's sides because you can't move past your past?"

My jaw dropped in infuriation and my breath left me in an audible huff. "Is that really what you think of me?" I spat. "Is that what it looks like?"

Alice shook her head shamefully. "No, no," She sighed, resigned. I glowered at her, though I was glad she seemed to be done arguing with me. "I've never seen Edward like this though. I mean, I know that he wants you there just to chase away the agony of his haunting memories, but there's something I don't recognize in his eyes. He looks happy– a different kind of happy. I don't think he realizes it yet, but I think he's in love with you, Bella." I gasped, my head snapping up involuntarily. Before I could form words Alice placed her hands on my shoulders and continued. "He's never experienced heartbreak before, Bella."

I drew a ragged breath. "That's where I have him." I mumbled, and winced. I didn't need to remind myself of this right now. Alice tilted her head questionably. I shook my head. "I . . . I've never really been in love before, Alice. What's it feel like?"

Alice bit her lip and shrugged, her face slightly flustered. "Well, that's kinda difficult to explain. . ." she murmured, a light blush coloring her cheeks. I couldn't help but smile, I'd never seen Alice blush before.

"Then maybe, I am in love with Edward." I confided, dropping my gaze to the damp grass as my cheeks blazed. "I've never been more confused on how to describe my jumble of emotions for one person in my life. It's a mixture of desire, possession, and, well, security . . . I guess?" I felt like a babbling idiot, so I stopped talking.

Alice didn't reply for a moment. We sat in silence, just absorbing what we'd just told each other. I heard her shift and then I was swept up in her arms. "Oh Bella, I'm so happy." She crooned into my ear. I laughed breathlessly as she pulled me up from the ground with her.

She glided up the walk and towards Charlie's front door, towing me behind her. "Go in there and talk it out with Charlie," She instructed as I grabbed the key from under the eave. "Take a shower, get changed, and I'll be back in half an hour with subs. If he doesn't want you to leave then I'll make him let you, k?"

I smiled wistfully. I didn't want to leave Alice yet. "Okay," I agreed, leaning away from her to push the door open. She nodded and watched me enter the house before she started skipping down the steps. I stuck my head out through the door, catching it before it closed. "Oh, and Alice?" She paused and looked back at me. I smiled graciously at her. "Thank you."

"I'll always be here for you, Bella." She called back, as if she could somehow since my insecurities that I couldn't manage to stifle. Without another word, she flitted to the car and waved before dropping in and driving away.

I shut the down and leaned back against it, exhaling slowly. I could hear the sounds of the tv drifting in from the next room and I sighed. Bracing myself for impact, I shuffled forward to the living room. My head rounded the corner and peered into the room before the rest of me caught up. Charlie lay sideways on the couch, his feet propped up on the far side's arm rest. His right foot was crossed over his left, and after a few seconds he shifted them. It seemed to be a repetitive cycle. He was restless, anxious. That would make this so much easier.

"Hey Dad." I greeted him guiltily. I stumbled into the room and pressed myself against the wall near the exit in case I needed to make a break for it.

"Bella!" He pushed himself up from the couch with a groan and trotted over to me. He placed his hands on my shoulders. "Where in the world did you go?! And you didn't even call me!"

I bit my lip and tilted my head towards the ground, my cheeks turning slightly scarlet. "I left you a note." I reminded him.

"A very inexact note, that is!" He chafed, alerting me that I wouldn't get off easily. "You didn't even bother telling me who you were visiting, why, or when I would expect you home. Dang Bella, do you know how anxious I got when you didn't even call me by noon?" I refused to meet his smoldering eyes. He sighed in exasperation. "Can I at least get some sort of explanation now?"

I inhaled deeply, deciding that the truth would be the easiest thing to use. "Dad, it was Edward." I breathed, making sure each word was clear and decisive. "He . . ." I took another deep breath to keep the words calm. "Tried to commit suicide yesterday."— Was it only that long ago?— "And Alice called around midnight after she'd gotten him into the hospital and she said that I should come down there. I didn't want to wake you up, Dad. And I was with him all," I looked over at the clock that was signaling it was already quarter to six. "Well, day I guess." I rose my eyes to scan his expression.

His jaw popped open, his eyes widening. "Suicide, you say?" He stuttered. I nodded mutely. He freed my shoulders and slumped back a little, running his hand over his balding head. "That . . . changes things."

I breathed out in relief. "Dad, I really helped him." I assured his stricken face. He stared at me, skeptical of my composed state.

"He feels safe around me," I tried to explain stupidly. "I mean, he confided in me and was able to calm down enough to realize his mistake." Charlie's expression told me I was getting nowhere with this. I groaned. "Dad, please just let me get back to the hospital. He needs me."

Charlie's eyes cut through me with displeasure. "Bella," He sighed halfheartedly.

I ducked away from him before he could figure out his real reason to protest my return. "Alice will be here in about twenty minutes." I called over my shoulder as I bounded up the stairs. I was now extremely eager to retreat to the solace of a warm shower with strawberry scented shampoo. I rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and slid into the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind me.

I ran a brush through my knotted hair and stripped my clothes. Starting the water, I leapt in before it could fully warm up. I was too eager now to get in and out in time to leave the moment Alice got back. I was also beyond famished, and my stomach didn't fail to remind me of this. I scrubbed myself thoroughly and hopped back out without noticing if the water had even calmed me like I'd hoped for only a few minutes previous. I towel dried my hair and scurried across the hallway to get dressed.

I decided on my most comfy pair of stretch jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I sat on the edge of my bed, running a brush through my already knot free hair and occasionally biting my nails. I was dying for Alice to show up, anxious to see Edward again, and absolutely craving a sub. I felt like I could go for anything at the moment, but my stomach twisted at the thought of spending more time than necessary on even the small floor as Charlie. Four light taps on the door made me jump.

"Bella, Alice's here!"

I didn't even need to be told to know. I already had my feet crammed into my shoes and was out the door by the time Charlie had finished calling up the stairs to me. His face was tight, but expressionless as he watched me with crossed arms. I pulled on my raincoat, placed a kiss on his withered cheek, and rushed out the door with Alice. She stood beside the open door with two six inch subs in her hands. I snatched the one she offered me before she had the chance to greet me. She smirked as we started down the walk towards the car.

"Hungry, are we?" She teased, pulling open the driver's door and dropping in.

"Starving." I corrected between bites. She chortled before starting the car and backing away from the curb. My sub was gone in moments. She offered me her's and I shook my head, embarrassed red creeping onto my cheeks. "No, that was enough. Thanks, Alice."

She smiled. "No problem, Bells." She unwrapped her sub and took a bite. We rode the rest of the way to the hospital in a comfortable silence.

I very nearly bounced all the way from the car to the hospital door. Alice laughed as she caught up with me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Calm down there, Bella." She giggled. "Edward's probably just as excited that you're back, but he might have fallen back asleep." She looked both ways before she leaned in and added in a low voice. "Plus I don't think he's got his feelings towards you totally depicted yet. He's had a lot on his mind lately." I bit my lip and blushed. I'd forgotten that. She eyed me apologetically. I nodded her off.

We chatted companionably until we reached the third floor of the hospital. We fell silent the moment we reached the slumbering hall after a nurse shushed us. Alice hooked my arm with hers and led me towards Edward's room for I hadn't paid enough mind to where it had been previously. I was completely tranquil, not a fear in my mind at what I'd return to. If he was asleep I'd sit in the chair next to him and wait until he woke up. He couldn't have missed me too terribly.

"NO!" Edward's voice shook the mute corridor, full of terror and anguish. I tore my arm from Alice's and sprinted towards the source of the disturbance. Three or four nurses and a doctor jumped into the hallway, blocking my admittance into the room.

"Move!" I pleaded, pushing aside one plump nurse to peer in.

Edward was sitting up in his bed, tears streaming down his broken face. My eyes only lingered there for so long as I heard the words escaping his lips. "Bella. I'm so sorry, Bella." His hands gripped his bandages and tore them from his arms. The sudden irritation turned the fresh cuts a darker shade of red. He brushed his nails across his skin. I watched in horror as he began to bleed again. The hospital employees made no move to stop him.

"Stop him!" I cried, pushing aside the other nurses in my way. One gripped my wrist and pulled me back as the doctor approached Edward. "Let me go, damn it! Edward!"

I stretched my free hand forward. It just wasn't enough.


	23. Chapter 21 Absolutely Positive

_A/N- YAYY!! A HAPPY CHAPTER!!! :) just in time for christmas. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE IT!! Hope you enjoy this chapter, it made me happy to write it myself. Hope the happiness puts you in the christmas spirit;)--- **Absolutely positive**_

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**BPOV**

"Bella! Bella, just calm down! They've got it under control!"

I was calm, wasn't I? I couldn't see anything, I was still. Cold laced through my veins. I must not have been moving, that would have to generate some sort of body heat, right? Besides, what would be so wrong that I'd need reassurance? I felt something hard smack my knees and something tug roughly on my arms. What in the world . . . ?

"Are you okay hun?" A scratchy alto voice echoed through my ear and swam out the other. "Quiet down, sweety. He's fine. The doctor's got him back to sleep. You can stay with him if you want, but there won't be much to see."

Quiet down? I wasn't saying anything! Who was that? Wasn't I just with Alice, at home? She had come to pick me up, given me food– which I had ate– and then we arrived at the . . . EDWARD!

I gasped, breaking through the dark field blocking my vision. Eyelids. I'd nearly forgotten those could be a hazard to sight. I could hear the stress in the room now. The monitor beside Edward's bed was hectic, but slowly decreasing as the doctor progressed to pierce the skin in his arm with a needle. I looked away to see the face of a red headed nurse just inches from mine. She was patting my back and gripping my wrist, mumbling about how I needed to hush. I couldn't feel my lips moving, but I could hear a familiar voice screaming.

"Don't hurt him! Just let me talk to him! You don't have to do that, he just needs me! Please . . ." the voice broke off into sobs and my chest heaved from lack of oxygen. I doubled over and ripped my hand from the nurse's grip. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and toppled over onto the ground. I prayed that they'd just leave and let me be alone with Edward. That's all I could ask for.

"Just don't touch her, okay?" A strained soprano declared from directly above my head. I knew this voice. Relief washed over me. Alice! I flipped onto my back and scanned through the faces above me to find her.

The other foreign faces leaned away from me with worried and annoyed expressions leaving Alice's right over me, front and center. "Alice?" I croaked, relocating my voice box. My throat was raw and it hurt to speak. I tried clearing it and winced. Not my best plan.

Thin arms wrapped around me and pulled me erect. My head swam and black splotches obscured my vision. I moaned to myself. "Bella, you okay?" Alice's voice sounded miles away. I couldn't pinpoint my voice to respond to her again. The ground disappeared from beneath me and I felt like I was soaring, only held up by Alice's petite arms. She was too strong for her own good. "Edward's fine, Bells. Just sleep, he'll be here when you wake up.."

Sleep? Was that what was taking control of my body? Usually sleep offered me comfort, but I felt nothing more than the same cold that had seeped into my veins before returning to chill my body. I cowered in Alice's chest, hoping that some of her body heat would generate onto me. I felt no warmth, no solace from exhaustion, just desperation. I knew there was one thing that would bring me consolation and warmth, and he was out cold, stained in his own blood again because I'd been stupid enough to leave him to his nightmares. _Edward . . ._

.

_Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . ._

I started, practically leaping from the small cot I was nestled on. I lurched forward and scanned the room. It was dark, except for the light omitted from the monitor to my left that showed the pattern of a heart beat. _Edward's_ heart beat. It all rushed back to me, where I was, why I was here, and why I'd been sleeping. I wrapped my arms around myself– I was freezing.

"Edward?" I whispered, lowering my feet over the side of the cot and stretching my arms out to make sure I didn't run into anything and that I could catch myself if I fell. I bumped into the side of his bed and leaned forward. I propped my head up and stared towards his slumbering face as my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkened room.

"Bella?" His voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.

I reached out my hand and caressed his cheek. "Yeah?"

His gauze wrapped hand twined around mine and pressed it to his face. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being so stupid." He mumbled into my hand. His other arm flew up and wrapped around the arm that still held my head up and pulled it towards him. I pushed my feet against the floor and crawled up to sit next to him on the limited space the lumpy hospital bed provided. "I . . . I just had a nightmare. But it seemed . . . oddly realistic. I thought I could really do it to you. So I just, you know, acted without thinking."

He released my arm and I snaked it around his chest, pulling myself closer to him. "I have heard that you're prone to overreacting." I teased lightly, pressing my head into the crook of his neck. If I had had any indecision on how I felt about Edward it evaporated right then. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, but I liked this pain. It was the pain of a release that I was unsure the other party felt as sure about. I just had to trust what Alice had told me and hope for the best. The only insecurity left in me now was, would he ever hurt me? Would this just be another last time?

His lips brushed the top of my head. "Why'd Alice want you?" He asked quietly.

I shrugged. "She just thought I needed to go talk to Charlie, get some food, shower and all that." I internally cursed the heated blush that crept onto my cheeks as I remembered the conversation just Alice and I had shared.

His hand slid around my shoulders and let go of the hand he still held to his cheek. His now free hand fell to my face. Depicting the warmth the blush had generated, he tilted my head up to face him. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

I shook my head feverishly and tried to turn away. "No." I murmured bashfully.

"You don't trust me?" He accused. My heart thumped irregularly. The words brought back the responses I feared to say just yet.

"Of course I do." I breathed, finally ripping my face from his grip.

He exhaled sharply. "Bella, why are you here?" He questioned suddenly.

My brow furrowed. I looked back up at him. "Well, I did make a promise to you, Edward Cullen." I reminded him, swallowing back my other, more pronounced reasoning.

His gaze stayed other my head, looking beyond me as he pondered my words. "So that's it, huh?" He said in a hushed tone. "You're not here for any reasons of your own, its all me?"

I bit my lip. "Is that a good thing, or the bad thing?"

He paused. "I'm leaning towards bad." His eyes lingered on the wall behind my head before he looked back down at me again. "You really are just guilty." He began to untangle himself from me. "You don't have to pretend for me, Bella. You can go if you want. I don't want to be a hassle." His words stung.

I clung to his chest with both hands. "No, Edward," I protested urgently. I didn't want to leave him, for reasons all my own. "That's not it."

He stopped forcing me away, but still didn't pull me back. "What is it then, Bella?" He inquired, his voice taking adopting an angry edge I'd only heard once before. "Is it because you have nothing else to do and you find the drama exciting? Or because Alice is giving you no choice and is _making_ you stay with me?"

My lips parted and I narrowed my eyes. I pushed against his chest and rose myself to look him in the eye. "Thanks," I scoffed. "I'm glad you think so highly of me." I leaned away from him to place my feet carefully on the ground. Despite his hurtful words, the thought of leaving still didn't seem anymore appealing. Maybe that's what always made me so vulnerable. I'd already torn myself open for him to take what he pleased and leave.

"No, no. Bella, I'm sorry," He sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back into his chest. "I didn't mean that, I was just venting." I crossed my arms and kept myself upright. I still had to put up a fight. If he cared for me in the slightest, he wouldn't let me win. "What's your reason?" I tilted my head away from his radiant green orbs.

His clothed hand stroked my face and gently grasped my chin. He turned my face back to meet his eyes. "Tell me, please?" He begged, lowering his voice to a seductive, velvety purr. "I'm sorry."

His soft words shattered my heart. I'd never heard a voice so attractive. I had to regain my shield, whatever defense mechanism I had used prior to meeting the Cullens. It seemed to have all but disappeared. "I'm afraid." I admitted, so quietly I doubted he heard.

His thumb, the only finger detached from the others, stroked my cheek. "Don't be." He crooned.

"Do . . . have you ever been in love?" I decided to change my approach.

Edward's brow furrowed and he tilted his head in confusion. "If I answered that question honestly you might run away from me." He confided. I narrowed my eyes inquiringly, leaning more into his hand, encouraging him on. He sighed in resignation. "Once, ever. Not including how I loved Mia, or my family. But it happened so fast, and it seems too simple. I don't think she feels the same way."

I froze. "You're speaking in present tense." I observed, my heart throbbing in discomfort.

He nodded slowly. "Yes."

"Is she pretty?" I dared myself to ask.

"Absolutely breathtaking."

"Does she care for you?"

"Seems like it."

"Do I know her?" I felt like I was swimming in black water.

"Very well." His voice was no more than a whisk of wind.

I paused. "You're not referring to . . ." I faded off, unable to say the word. A love struck grin slid onto Edward's face. My heart stuttered and started up in double time. He nodded cautiously.

"_You._"

My breathing sped up and I collapsed into his chest. He didn't say anything, didn't pressure me to respond or assure me that the feelings didn't have to be mutual. He just let me absorb the fact that he, _Edward Cullen_, truly did love me. _As I loved him._

"I . . ." My body tingled with uncertainty. If I said it now, there was no going back. If I didn't say it, he would never know and feel like a fool for telling me. I had to believe that this was the one thing that I was absolutely positive about. And I was.

"I love you Edward Cullen."

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_A/N- I'm sorry, but I found it a little humorous that some people actually considered the fact that I might have actually had the intentions of killing Edward. Edward Cullen. That's quite amusing ;) Ahaa well the next chapter will be up in two days tops. Enjoy ur Christmas, hope Santa brings you everything u want. {{Shout out to Walkie Talkie, #7+#5}} GO SANTA'S WORKERS! WAITTA MAKE ME EVERYTHING TO GIVE OUT THIS YEAR;) And i've decided to give u ur box of happiness after all Walkie Talkie ;) and get #2 and urself outta my sleigh and stop tormenting the wrapped pony! I LOVE U GUYS:D _

**_Merry Christmas Everyone!!! _**


	24. Chapter 22 Tonight!

_A/N- sorry, filler chapter. you're about three, maybe four, chapters away from discovering Bella's secret. My goal was to have it out by new years, but with three soccer tournys and a party on my agenda I doubt thats probable. Enjoy the thrill of a filler;)--- **Tonight!**_

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**EPOV**

"Good morning love birds!" Alice crooned as she stepped into my room and flicked on the lights.

I groaned and pulled Bella closer to me, burying my face in her haystack hair in an effort to darken the blinding light. She giggled and nuzzled closer, curling, if possible, even more into my chest. I knew I had good reason to wake up today and jump up and down with joy– I had the girl of my dreams and, after a good week of hospitalization, I was finally being released. I was still on suicide watch, as my father defined it, and I would be for the next month or so just in case I showed any more signs of depression. I wouldn't, though, I could feel it. Bella was like my personal sun, wiping away any agony left in me. I was just glad that Carlisle wasn't forcing me to see a shrink.

"Oh come on," Alice whined, arriving at the side of my bed now. "You're getting out today, so get out of bed!"

Bella chuckled and wiggled away from me. Her lips came down on my forehead and trailing down to my ear. "I bet your bed at home is much for comfy than this one, Edward." She whispered. Her sweet breath sent goose bumps down my neck and desire rippled through my chest. I flipped over onto my back before she could see and pulled her down on top of me.

"It won't be if your not there, too." I objected. She rested her head on the crook of my neck and sighed in contentment. I pressed my lips against her hair and kept my head on top of hers.

"Blach." Alice teased, pulling back my shades. The light still filtered in brightly through my closed eyes. "Go get a room."

"Actually Alice, this is our room." I rebutted, squinting my eyes open. I couldn't see beyond the shining mess of Bella's snarly brown hair. "If you don't like what we do in here, then leave."

Alice stuck her head above me and rolled her eyes. "Come on, Bella. Give him some motivation to get up." Her hands fluttered down to grab Bella away from on top of me. I wove my arms around her waist and held her to me in protest.

Bella smiled devilishly at me as she swung her hair over her shoulder, a light trace of the blush Alice's accusation had triggered still coloring her cheeks. Her hands wrapped around my arms and she pulled them both up to her face. After placing a kiss on the back of both hands, she placed them on top of my chest and pushed herself off of me to stand beside Alice. I scowled at Alice as she linked arms with Bella and smiled smugly at me. Bella offered me her hand.

I grimaced and slapped my own on top of hers, using the other to push myself erect before I swung my legs over to the side of the bed. With the help of Alice's abnormal strength, I was yanked from the bed to stand upright on my feet. All the blood flowed from my head and I swayed unsteadily from the sudden head rush.

"Smile Edward." Bella crooned, stepping up to me and wrapping her arms around my waist. "You're going home today."

I kissed the top of Bella's head and smiled, weaving my arms around her waist as well. "Is that big enough?" I teased.

She tilted her head back and studied my face. "I guess it'll do." She smirked. I slid my hand up to her chin and tilted it higher so that I could capture her lips with mine. The moment they met Alice coughed, loudly.

"I personally want to go home, so I'm going to go sign Edward out and go to the car." Alice informed us. Grabbing her jacket, she headed towards the door and paused in the archway. "You have two minutes."

I chuckled as Alice turned out the door. "Someone's impatient today."

Bella shook her heated face into my chest. "The only time Alice isn't impatient is when she's shopping." She murmured miserably. Ever since she'd been dragged along with Alice to go on a shopping trip in Seattle four days ago when I was having tests on my head she always managed to find some way to compare this Alice to Alice surrounded by purchasable clothes. I was surprised she even still looked at Alice the same . . .

"Alice surrounded by clothes is barely humane at all." I concluded, pulling Bella towards the chair with our coats slung over it. "Is it raining?"

Bella laughed. "Yes, Edward. Welcome to Forks, Washington." I shook my head and released Bella to get her coat. She reluctantly stepped back and slid her arms into her coat when I offered it for her. I shrugged mine on and held out my hand to her.

"Mustn't keep Alice waiting now." I reminded her, twining our fingers when she finally placed her petite hand in mine. She smiled shyly at me before allowing herself to be guided from the room.

"What the plans for when we arrive home?" Bella wondered as I pulled her closer to my side.

"Well, I was thinking I'd get one nights good sleep and then tomorrow," I kissed the top of her head. "We could go out. You know, like on a date that's _not_ in a hospital."

She giggled and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I like that plan." She whispered happily.

"Good." I stopped at the end of the hallway and pressed my lips against hers. It was something I felt like I didn't do enough, yet at the same time it seemed like I was always kissing Bella. She didn't complain, so I didn't think it as a bad thing.

"Ugh, I come back up to make sure you've left the room and I get a show." The elevator doors opened and we were greet by Alice's whiny soprano voice. Bella broke away immediately, blushing furiously. I chuckled and pulled Bella closer into my side, turning to scowl at Alice without being capable of wiping the smile off my face.

"Sorry, Alice." I joked. "But I've walked in on you and Jasper a few times more than one and I haven't complained."

"Haven't complained." Alice snorted, reaching out and snatching Bella's hand to lug in both of us before the doors closed again. "Right." The doors closed and Alice slid between me and Bella, detaching us.

"So I was thinking dinner tomorrow, whole family." She smiled devilishly at me. "I've got some major announcements to make to everyone, especially you Bells!" I could see Bella cringing at the thought of what kind of news it might be.

"But Alice, Bella and I were going out." I clarified. "Just the two of us."

She frowned. "But this can't wait, Edward." She protested. "If I don't tell everyone soon it won't be ready in time, or I'll explode!"

Bella pressed a hand to her mouth to keep herself from giggling, a light blush coloring her cheeks at the effort. I wasn't so generous, I guffawed loudly. "I think it would be beneficial if you exploded, Al."

She spun to face me, her eyes narrowing. Deadly Alice. "This is no joking matter, Edward Anthony Cullen." She hissed, pushing up on her toes to reach my chin. "If I don't tell the family soon, bad things _will_ happen. And these bad things _can _be directed towards one person." I gulped.

"It's fine, we'll be there." Bella chirped, breaking the tension between Alice and I. She crammed herself between us and wrapped one arm around my waist. "We could go tonight, or the day after tomorrow. . ."

"Ooo!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands. "Tonight! Oh Bella, you can wear that pretty dress that I got you. Oh my, I want to do all your make up! I'll make reservations . . . You'll have to go talk to Charlie. Mm first date! I'll make it be so cute. . ."

Bella groaned and look pointedly at me. I shrugged. Now that she had gotten Alice going we were in for it. "Your fault." I mouthed. Her face flushed with anger and she hung her head shamefully. I stepped around Alice as she whipped out her cell phone and started dialing to gather Bella into my arms. "It's okay, Bells. At least we don't have to worry about it being a nice date or anything."

She scoffed and snapped her head up to scowl at me. "Talk some sense into her, okay?" She pleaded miserably. "She spent over a thousand dollars just buying me clothes, imagine what she'll do with this!"

My forehead creased. "Oh, I have a good idea." I mumbled as the elevator doors parted to reveal the lobby.

"Okay guys," Alice began formally, snapping her phone shut and towing us out behind her. "This is how it's going to work. Edward, you go home and get situated. Bella, your coming to our house, too, to pick out your outfit. We'll have to stop at Charlie's first, though. He's been anxiously awaiting your return. Come _on_, we're wasting time!" She gripped Bella's wrist and yanked her away from me.

"Alice, it's only eleven in the morning," Bella reminded her warily. "I don't think we need to worry about all this right now." She shot me a hopeless look.

"Yes, we do." Alice disagreed. "Let's go!"

"I'm sorry love." I whispered. She narrowed her eyes at me before pulling against Alice to press her lips to mine quickly.

"I'm off to hell." Bella sighed before she was whisked away and out the doors by Alice. I chuckled and smiled to myself. I had a date with Isabella Swan tonight.

I put my hands in my pockets and whistled to myself as I strutted out of the hospital doors.


	25. Chapter 23 Ruined

_A/N- yeaaa two tournys down, one to go woooo. I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Think i'ma do good! ;) This chapter is sooo dedicated to Lions-Lamb-4ever{aka Allison!} for the line that Alice screams. Girl, that's 100% uu!:) much lovee!{ps-check out her stories!} Now here's _**_Ruined_**

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**BPOV**

"Alice, I don't like this . . ."

My hands fluttered from my curled mess of hair plastered to my head to my heavily made up face. I felt like I'd been painted on a canvas in thick oils, not purified water colors. I'd been sitting in Alice's bathroom for four hours straight. After spending about a half hour at home straightening things out with Charlie– which had blown over remarkably smoother than I'd expected– she had dragged me here. I'd been forced to walk right past Edward without being allowed a single word. Since then I'd been forced into a small green cocktail dress and sat in the same fluffy seat in Alice's bathroom.

"You don't have to like it," Alice rebuked, slightly offended. She spun around me to turn my shoulders this way and that. "I do, and so will Edward."

I shrugged her hands off. "Where are we going, anyway?" She had kept the evening's plans under lock and key and it was beginning to cause me to grow wary. I knew– from experience when the soldiers returned home– that Alice loved to take things overboard if she was given the opportunity.

"I can't tell you." She giggled, stepping away from me just to turn me towards her. Her hands flitted across my face as she made some unnecessary touch ups. "Edward knows just as much as you do."

I groaned and pulled away impatiently. "Alice, I hate surprises."

Her hands fell to her hips and she narrowed her eyes. "Just this once, Bella. Please, stay with me here." She begged desperately before reaching out to pull me back. I bit my lip to refrain from groaning angrily again. This had to be the least I could do to Alice after all the help she'd offered me. I knew she had the decency to never bring it up as a threat or to persuade me, but Alice had helped me so much that very nearly owed her my life.

"Don't bite your lip like that," Alice scolded, waving her hand in front of my face. "It messes up your make up. Must I teach you everything?" I pursed my lips, but stop biting it. Alice had taken it upon herself, too, to explain to me all the things I couldn't do with make up on. I couldn't rub my eyes, cry, eat messily, slouch, kiss Edward too many times, touch my face, frown, lean into anything, and now, bite my lip. It nearly took away my entire plans for the evening aside from cry and frown.

"You're almost ready." Alice announced, placing her instruments of torture on the counter. "Let me go get your shoes and make sure your ride will be here on time. Stay here." Her eyes shot me warnings as she slipped backwards out the door, dragging it closed with her. I breathed out and slouched into the counter, already breaking one of Alice's make up rules. I smiled. This was probably going to be the most rebel thing I'd do for awhile.

A light tapping on the door made me jump. Before I had time to respond, a vaguely recognizable voice called through the door. "Alice, Esme wants to see you." I paused for a moment, deciphering the talker. Registering that it was Jasper, I shuffled uncomfortably up to the door and opened it enough to stick my head out.

"She went to go make sure everything's all set for tonight." I informed him miserably, leaning into the door. Rule 2, broken.

Jasper strained his neck to see through the door. "So she's not in there?" He whispered. Confused, I nodded. A sly smile broke across his face. "Better hurry then." My lips parted in bewilderment, but my baffled questioning was cut short when he gripped my wrist and pulled me into the hallway. Looking hesitantly around the hall, Jasper guided me past the other rooms. He stopped at the last one of the right.

"Have fun," He murmured, pushing me in through the door. I turned to inquire information on my location only to see he was gone. Utterly perplexed, I stuck my head out of the room and scanned the hallway. Jasper's lanky form was nowhere to be seen.

"You look lovely." A low velvety voice purred from behind me. I squeaked and started as two muscular arms snaked around my waist. My hand soared to my throat and I spun around, prepared to smack my captor.

"Edward!" I breathed in relief. My relief instantly morphed into anger. "Why'd you scare me like that?"

"Because I knew I'd get the less shy side of you first if I scared it out of you." He chuckled, bending his head to kiss my neck. I blushed deep scarlet and looked away. He was right– had he just come up and said hello I, looking the way I do now, would have been far too shy to form sentences. Now that he'd pointed this out, the shyness had begun to take action.

His hand swept across my warm cheek and tilted my face towards him. He smiled ruefully at me and pressed his lips gently to mine. I felt my pulse quicken even more than when Edward had frightened me and my lips burned from his contact even after he pulled away. Greedily, I leaned forward, searching for his lips again. I heard him chuckle again before he pressed one of his fingers to my lips.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered in my ear, sending goose bumps down my neck. "But if you don't want Alice finding us, I suggest we hurry." I narrowed my eyes questioningly at him, but was only offered a mere shrug and wink in return. I bit my lip, rule 3- broken, but complied and allowed Edward to pull me from the room and silently down the hallway and stairs. It wasn't until we'd snuck through the empty living room that I realized I was still barefoot.

"Edward, I-

"Don't worry, I've got you." He grinned before swiftly sliding one leg to the back of my knees, knocking my legs out from underneath me. My back fell into his other hand and he pulled to his chest, bridal style. My breath left me in a sharp huff and my eyes widened as I glared up at him, blushing so heavily that I could be mistaken for an overripe tomato. Edward's lopsided grin grew and he kissed my forehead before slipping out the front door and into the black night.

"Edward, mind telling me where we're going?" I demanded quietly. Despite the fact that we were no longer inside, I still felt the need to speak in a hushed tone.

"My car." He replied simply. I could hear the sly smile in his voice. I huffed and crossed my arms

"Edward, I really hate surprises."

He laughed and captured my lips with his own. "Dear, I saved you from the real surprise you would have hated." He reminded me. Obviously, he had discovered Alice's intentions. "Besides, I just told you where we were going, the Volvo." I heard the click of a car door and I was lowered into the soft interior.

I leaned back in the seat, squishing my legs together, still self conscious of the dress. "Well _dear_," I mimicked sourly. "Where off to now?"

"Your house," He shrugged as he closed the door. His eyes grazed my leg "Unless you want to go shoeless, that is."

I rolled my eyes and self-consciously covered my thigh with my hand, my face heating up, if possible, even more. "Depends, would you carry me everywhere if I went shoeless?"

"Everywhere and anywhere." He vowed, leaning forward to peck my lips. He pulled away before I had the chance to deepen it, and sighed.

"Let's go get me some shoes." I puffed in defeat. He chortled and started the engine. I leaned against the window and pressed my face to it in an attempt to cool my cheeks. Guess I was breaking that rule a lot tonight.

A sudden burst of light filtered through my window as the car began backing out of the driveway. I lifted my head to see Alice standing in the doorway, waving a cell phone over her head, shouting something. Out of curiosity, I rolled down the automatic window to hear her words before the trees surrounding the three mile exit could drown them out.

"EDWARD FREAKING CULLEN AND BELLA FLIPPIN' SWAN!" She screamed after us, jumping to the bottom of steps before continuing. "IT WAS GOING TO BE PERFECT! EVERYTHING! GET BACK HERE! I WILL GET YOU TWO ON A DATE, SOMEHOW, SOMEDAY! AND IT'LL BE EVEN MORE _PERFECT!_" The rest of her infuriated words were lost in the thick trees and undergrowth of the forest. Edward burst into hysterics. I giggled, but actually, I was a little frightened by the thought of a date being even _more_ perfect than what she'd been planning . . .

"Bella, you look terrified." Edward panted as we broke onto the highway. I smiled sheepishly.

"Is it that obvious?" I mumbled, my continuous blush finding more reason to stay.

"I don't think she knows the true definition of _perfect_." Edward frowned suddenly, looking serious. "She thinks it has to be expensive and well planned out to be good. Me, I'm just going along as it comes . . . mostly."

I smiled wider at his confession. "How's it coming along right now?"

He smirked at me. "Nice try, Bells." He winked before returning his gaze to the road in front of him. "But I wouldn't tell you even if I really had an idea. All I know is that I don't want to waste that pretty outfit of yours." He looked away from the windshield again to quickly look me up and down. "I did mention you look absolutely divine tonight, correct?"

I shrugged shyly and studied my hands on my lap, my blush heating up again. "Something like that." I couldn't stop the involuntary smile that crept across my face at his accusation.

The car jolted into an unexpected turn and my head shot up in alarm. We were heading down another road engulfed in trees. I tilted my head curiously at him as the car eased to a stop on the deserted road. Even as the headlights went out, I could sense the gleam in Edward's eye as he flashed my favorite crooked smiled.

"I lied," He confided, his hand finding my chin to slant my head back. "I've had this planned all night." His lips found mine and fire blazed between them. I slid off my seatbelt and leaned closer towards him, balancing my hands on the center console. A moan of desire slipped through Edward's lips and he pulled me closer, his tongue brimming my bottom lip, wishing to deepen the kiss. I froze, suddenly remembering what this situation reminded me of.

I broke away, my chest heaving as sobs threatened to escape. _No_, my mind scolded my memory for presenting these ideas now. _You had to ruin it, ruin it all. I can't be normal, can I? Ever?!_ I felt the tears now, hot and salty they were streaming down my face– rule 4, broken. Edward, worried by my sudden rejection, reached up to turn the car light on. I coughed back at wave of hysterics and turned away from the blinding light to fumble with the doorknob.

"Bella?" Edward's velvety voice was laced with concern. "Bella, are you okay?" I pushed the door aside and shook my head. If I had so much as opened my mouth I would have broken down, right then and there. Edward didn't deserve to see me like this. I ran as far as my feet would let me, blinded by the pitch blackness of the night. My bare feet were stung with fresh cuts as they dragged along the rocky road, but I didn't stop. I had no idea if I was running towards the highway or away, all I focused on was running away from Edward. Something– or maybe it was nothing– caught my foot and I toppled over, a loud ripping sound resounding from my thigh as the elegant dress I wore tore. My sobs racked through me and I pulled myself to the side of the road and curled into a ball, forcing my recent recollection to the back of my mind.

"_Bella, this is Leon." Lola said nonchalantly, pushing a buff, sandy blonde boy towards me. He smiled seductively at me as his eyes scanned my body. I folded my arms self-consciously across my low cut shirt and blushed, looking away from his greedy eyes. I didn't like him, instinct was right. "He's Morgan's friend. Wanted to get to know you. I'll be . . . around." _

_My eyes lingered on Lola's retreating form as she left me stranded with yet another perverted boy I'd no doubt ditch again to spend the evening in the bathroom. I think I remembered to cram my book into my jacket. . . _

_My eyes reluctantly circled back to Leon's square face. "Uh, hi." I mumbled, shifting my weight onto my right foot. _

"_Hey," He smirked, stepping closer to me. The proximity in the crowded room made me feel uncomfortable, I took a step back. With the music blaring from the speakers beside me I couldn't make out his next words, all I registered was the movement of his hands as he placed them on my hips. I slid mine down on his and pushed against them with no sign of progress. "I'll take that as a yes. I'll be right back with two beers."_

_My lips parted in disagreement, but he vanished into the crowd before I could voice my distaste towards alcohol. I could tell that if I stay then I wouldn't end up with a choice. I made my way through the crowd to find a pay phone. I needed to call Renee, my only ride was Lola's car. I was beginning to think that the car was the reasoning behind her dragging me to these parties just to dump me with some strange– so she could get home safely. She knew I didn't drink, while she, on the other hand, drunk herself silly. I scowled to myself as I pressed the coins into the machine. _

_Renee had been my last hope. Thank you, so much, for letting me down. It all could have been stopped. . . _

"Bella?!" The voice that broke me from my trance was strained and breathless, and I could assume that he'd been calling for me for some time now. I felt guilty for making him anxious, but he would have freaked and demanded information had he seen my major break down. I needed to choke back the memories on my own accord, I couldn't have someone standing beside me as I fought the never ending battle.

"Dear God, Bella is that you?" His voice was above me now. I bit my lip to stifle the ongoing hysterics. Alice would have my head if she figured out how many of her rules I was breaking without much of a second thought. I didn't have time to dwell on what else was going wrong, though, before warm familiar arms scooped me up from the ground. I instantly realized my stupidity in running away. Edward's embrace made all of my pain to evaporate immediately. My insecurity, though, was still present. I tucked my face into his chest to avoid his eyes, even if they weren't visible in the dark night.

"Bella, do you want to talk about it?" He questioned lightly, his lips brushing my ear. He _wasn't_ forcing the information out of me, he was offering his listening skills if I wanted them. I shook my head into his shirt. I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't masochistic, I didn't wish to purposely bring myself more agonizing pain. To my surprise, he didn't push the matter further. I felt my weight shift in his arms as he began to walk back towards the car at a steady pace.

After only a few minutes, I was lowered to the hood of his car. His hand cupped my chin and his thumb swept away a stray tear. He lowered his lips cautiously to mine and pulled away before I could react irrationally. "Tears aren't always romantic, hmm?" He murmured, perching himself next to me on the hood. I could see now, in the dim light of the illuminated car.

"I'm sorry Edward." I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder. He wound his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. "I'm sorry I ruined the evening and I'm sorry I won't talk to you. I'm just not ready to put up with anymore."

He pressed his lips to the top of my head. "Don't apologize, love." The word sent shivers down my spine. "If there is anyone on this planet who understands the burden of haunting memories, it's me. I'll be patient until you're ready."

I nodded, tilting my head to kiss his neck. I wasn't even sure I deserved such a perfect man. I didn't see how such a man could even look at me the way he did. "Can we still go through with your plans for the night?" I wondered guiltily. I silently hoped my episode hadn't ruined all of Edward's intentions.

"Yes, actually," Edward's voice perked up. He slipped away from underneath me, gently brushing me away so that I wouldn't fall. "Stay right here for a moment." My eyes followed him curiously as he stopped at the driver's door and popped the trunk. He winked at me before he was swallowed by the darkness that engulfed the back of the car. I leaned back patiently as I awaited his return. I could only imagine what his true plans were.

The front light clicked out behind me and I looked back in alarm. A hand wrapped around my eyes. "Alright, come here." Edward crooned in my ear. I obediently stood and allowed Edward to pull me along to the rear of the car. "Keep them closed for just one second, please." His hand left my face and I squeezed my eyes together tightly to resist the too tempting urge to peek. Edward's voice was distant when he spoke again. "Open them."

I cautiously opened one eye, suddenly afraid of what I might be greeted with. The flicker of candlelight flashed in the corner of my eye and they shot open, flicking towards the source of light. My jaw dropped.

Edward had set up a small– no doubt it was also a fold-up, though I couldn't tell by the white cloth covering it– table and adorned it with two plates with silverware and two tall, off-white candles, a water filled vase in the middle. It was beautiful. I'd never seen something quite like it before.

"Edward." I breathed, unable to say much more. He smiled sweetly at me and pulled something from behind his back– a small thornless rose.

"Hungry?" He held out the rose for me. I drew and ragged breath and stepped up to the table, accepting the rose. I twirled it in my fingers before raising it to my nose. The water filled vase suddenly made more sense to me.

"Absolutely." I whispered, lowering myself to the empty seat across from him. "Edward, this is so sweet."

"Better than what Alice could have planned?" He challenged with a grin. I rolled my eyes.

"Anything you do tops Alice tenfold."

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_A/N- if ur liking Mistakes Happen, do me a favor and check out the fanfics written by Jaralrunner- **Daddy's Story** and** Return to Forks **first one's a one shot that's really good, second's a full story check em, you'll love em:) thanks!_

_Ready? Review! ;)_

_~Rossie_


	26. Chapter 24 Alice

_A/N- ohk, so before I get to the story, i have a very very VERY amazing anouncement to make!! I WON MY TOURNAMENT LAST NIGHT! we had five games and we never had one goal scored on us! and I scored five goals and dudeeee it was amazing! the last game was at ten thirty at night mann. Ten. Freaking. Thirty. ughhh. BUT WE WON!! I cant say that enough ;]. Well, enough rambling on my part. Let's get to chapter 24--_**_ Alice_**

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**EPOV**

I groaned. Sunlight filtered through my half closed shades, waking me from my comfortable slumber. Tonight had been perfect, very nearly the exact way I had wished it too turn out– with the exception of a very tiny episode on Bella's part– and today, not so positive it would be the same. Bella and I still had to deal with the wrath of Alice. We also had to deal with an elegant, Alice-planned dinner party with the whole family. I sympathized Bella, she would no doubt hate it the most. I pulled her closer to my chest and pressed my lips to the top of her head. I could protect her . . .

"Edward?" Bella's groggy voice broke through the comfortable silence of the room. I tightened my grip on her.

"Bella?" I whispered, my lips grazing her ear. She shivered and tilted her head back so that she could see me better.

"Alice is going to kill us, huh?" She assumed, rolling away from me to stretch out on her back. She sat up, scratching her head. She still wore the oversized T-shirt I'd given her to change into last night– it was long enough to serve as a dress for her. Last night, after my wonderfully planned date, Bella had been far more than reluctant to return home to spend the night alone after her latest memory spree. I knew, better than anyone she could have spoken to, what it felt like. So we had snuck discreetly back into the house and up to my room and, after not too long, crashed. She had clung to me for dear life even in unconsciousness.

"I'd say so." I mumbled, flopping onto my back miserably. It was too early to fret over Alice, but one couldn't _not_ be afraid of Alice on an angry rampage after the idea was burned into their head. Bella rested her head on her shoulder and eyed me frighteningly. I shrugged and opened my arms, an offer I hoped she wouldn't reject. Her smile mirrored nothing but contentment as she slid back into my arms. I breathed out happily and pulled her closer to my chest, placing a kiss on her cheek. She tilted her head and captured my lips with her own. I didn't dare do more than simply enjoy her lips against mine and the fire that blazed on contact. I would save that temptation for after, when she's confided in me.

"Okay, where are they?" Alice's furious soprano voice echoed through the house from downstairs. Bella stiffened in my arms. "Bella's house? Here?! Dammit, so help me Jasper. . ."

Bella pressed her hands into my chest and flipped over to face me. Her eyes widened in alarm and I smiled softly, understanding her distaste to seeing an infuriated Alice right now. "Let's go." I suggested in a hushed tone, nodding towards my window. Her eyes sparkled and she grinned before rolling off of me. I tossed her a pair of sweats that were too short for me. She pulled them on as I pried open my window. I stepped through the opening and motioned for Bella to follow. She bit her lip and blushed a light pink before stepping cautiously up to the window, showing no intentions to go further.

"EDWARD CULLEN IF YOU SO MUCH AS MOVE A FINGER IN THERE!" Alice screeched from the end of the hallway. Bella's eyes widened and she scrambled forward, clambering gracelessly out the window. I pursed my lips to stifle my laughter as I pushed the window shut and pulled Bella along the roof until we were out of view of the window. We could hear Alice screaming in frustration when she opened my door and found the room empty. I smirked just thinking about what he face must look like.

"Um, Edward?" Bella squeaked, clutching to my shirt. I looked at her questioningly. "What are your plans from here?" I looked around and laughed. We were perched dangerously near the end of the steep ledge just feet from my window. The ground was much further down than I had expected.

"Bella, remember when I said I just go along with it sometimes?" I asked. She nodded into my chest before eying me curiously to see what I was getting at. "This is one of those times."

Bella exhaled in disbelief. "Edward!" She rasped. Her face flushed deep red and she pulled herself closer to me. "Tell me you at least have a plan for where we go now!"

I laughed again, astounded by my own stupidity. "Not a clue."

Bella melted into me. "Oh dear God. . ." I could feel warm tears soaking through my shirt. I stroked hair.

"Shhh," I cooed, holding her tightly. "Just give me a minute and we'll be off." She groaned

"Maybe we should just face Alice and get it over with." She ventured nervously. I snorted at the thought. She pursed her lips and eyed me seriously. "I mean it, Edward." She said sternly, her confidence growing. "Alice is my best friend, I think I need to apologize to her. I can't avoid her forever." My lips parted in disapproval, but she cut me off by pressing her finger to my lips.

"You can stay here, you big coward," She teased, tapping her finger against the tip of my nose. "I'm going to speak with her before she bursts a vessel or hurts Jasper." She waved nonchalantly before cautiously releasing me and crawling towards my window. I watched her helplessly, my arms stretched out, prepared to catch her if she slipped. She pulled open my window with barely any effort, turning to eye me in disapproval before slipping back inside. 'Coward' she mouthed and then was gone. Sighing in defeat, I rolled to my hands and knees and made my way after her.

"Alice?" Bella was at my door, peeking her head into the hallway. I crept up behind her and snaked my arms around her waist. She glanced over her shoulder and spared me a hearted smile before leaning further into the hall to try again. "Alice? I'm sorry."

"Bella?" Her voice was distant, softer, but I could feel the menacing edge lurking beneath the surface, just waiting for me alone. "Oh my, Bella, what are you wearing!" Good old Alice . . .

My hold on Bella was broken as Alice ran up and tore her away from me, already fretting over her face and hair. "Bella, where's the dress?" She demanded, peering past me like I wasn't even there to see into my room. The dress was laid across my couch, the mud stains and large rip clearly visible. Alice turned her head back to Bella and widened her eyes awkwardly. "Did I, er, interrupt something?"

Bella's face turned beat red and I doubled over in silent laughter at Alice's assumption. "No, no," Bella stuttered, flustered and embarrassed. "It happened last night, the dress thing." I leaned back against the wall, roaring with laughter at how much worse she just made it.

"Oh . . ." Alice whispered. "Um, I didn't know you guys were at . . . that stage yet." I bit my lip, trying vainly to suppress my hysterics as Bella's eyes widened, begging for help.

"That's not what I meant," Bella tried to explain, throwing her hands up for emphasis. "I had a little episode and fell. I ripped it, not Edward. I just took it off to sleep." She breathed out as Alice's mouth formed a perfect 'O' and she nodded in understanding.

I drew a ragged breath. "Yes, Alice." I mocked, wrapping my arms around Bella. "She actually wants a baby, that's why we ran away last night."

Bella's face heated up as she leaned it against my chest. She shook her head feverishly. "Edward, shut up." She hissed playfully.

Alice's eyes widened again. "Is that true, Bella?"

Bella turned and buried her face in my chest. "No, Alice, no!" She cried. "Now can we just drop the subject already?!" Alice broke into a fit of laughter much like my own and I snorted. This was turning out much easier than I had expected. Now I feared for what it would be like once Bella was no longer here to protect me.

"Whatever you want, Bells," Alice replied breathlessly, grabbing her shoulder for support. "We'll take about your plans for the future later when I'm doing your _makeup_ for tonight." Bella froze in my arms.

"What?"

Alice smiled devilishly. "We're going out tonight, the whole family." She reminded us. "And I'm using the reservations I had for the two of you last night for tonight. It's a very elegant restaurant– you'll want to look nice." Bella's groan of despair was muffled by my shirt as she gathered it in her hands and pressed it to her face.

"Go get in the shower, Bells," Alice ordered, prying her away from me. I glowered at her. "We have work to do, and I have to speak with my brother momentarily." Bella surveyed me wistfully before Alice shoved her through her bathroom doors and slammed it behind her. Alice stayed facing the bathroom door for a moment and took a deep breath. She crossed her arms and turned to face me, lips pursed, eyes narrowed. I was right– she'd been saving the worst for me.

I smiled timidly, backing towards my room and away from her. She raised an eyebrow in warning and I froze. "Don't you dare try and escape me now, Edward Anthony Cullen." Alice threatened acidly. I gulped. She looked both ways and pushed me into my room, bringing the door closed behind her. She leaned back against the wood and slid her hands to her hips. She looked beyond put out.

"That little stunt you and Jasper pulled was _not_ amusing." She spat, glaring straight into my eyes. The intensity of it caused me to look away shamefully. I grimaced as she continued speaking harsh words. "You guys don't understand how much of my time I put into organizing that date last night, do you?! I worked too damn hard for you to just think you could grab her and leave. Honestly, if I think you'll do this every time, I'll just start bolting one of you down to the floor whenever I go off and do something. You, Edward Cullen, have just lost my trust entirely."

I frowned. Losing Alice's trust was no going to get me far, I could see this already. "Alice, I'm really sorry." I sighed. "I didn't know you'd worked so hard and that it would cause such a severe reaction. . . okay I did." She huffed and whipped the door open. My head shot up.

"Alice just wait a second!" She stopped in the doorway and turned to look at me, hands tightly folded across her chest. I exhaled audibly and rose off the bed. Sauntering over to the door, I rose my hands in defeat. "I was wrong. Jasper and I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have just told you that I had already made plans for Bella and I. But it was our first date. I think _we_ should have been able to have some say in what happened."

Alice sighed and dropped her arms. "I guess . . ." She struggled with her words, her eyes scanning the floor as if they were written there for her. "That you have a point." She looked up at me wistfully before transforming back to her devilish self. "But I plan the next date, including tonight!" She pointed a finger at my chest. "Ha!"

I laughed, glad that the worst part was over. "What keeps you from going on a war path, Alice." I chuckled, playfully nudging her shoulder. She rolled her eyes at me and smiled.

"Go take a shower and get dressed nicely," She directed, backing towards her room. "I still have to make my announcement tonight! It feels like it's been forever since we decided on the date." Alice shrugged and slid into her room.

I smiled to myself. I had an idea about what Alice and Jasper would finally be announcing, the question was who they would finally choose. I shrugged to myself and closed my door. I didn't care so much anymore.

I was happy.

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_A/N- quick ps. check out **Ellzie, Jaralrunner **and **Lions-lamb-4ever**. I owe them for the help they've given me with this story!!!!! plus, they have amazing fanfics :]_

_oh yea, and **HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!! GOODBYE 2008 HELLO 2009!!** and I just got used to writing 08 at the end of the date . . . ;]_


	27. Chapter 25 Heels

_A/N- Eeeek! did u all know that this is the third to last chapter??!!! Just thought i'd enlighten u. To some, that might be good news, to others, bad. Well, i've better get to writing them. My new years resolution is to have the last chapter out by sunday if I get enough reviews!:] Enjoy-- _**_Heels_**

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BPOV

Two inch heels.

I'd been studying them on the counter of Alice's bathroom the entire time Alice had been dolling me up. After forcing me into a short white dress that made me feel like Marilyn Monroe, Alice had placed the shoes that _I _was supposed to wear for the evening on the counter and told me to put them on. Stunned, I had been unable to do anything more than just stare at them. _Two freaking inches!_

"Alice, I can't wear those." I stated bluntly for the hundredth time. Her tiny hands froze on the back of my hair were she was weaving my hair into some complicated up-do.

"Bella," She sighed. Her head popped up so that I could see her face. "Stop fretting about the stupid shoes. They'll make your legs and butt look so hot! Besides, you'll have Edward to hold you upright." Without further discussion, she retreated to working on my hair again.

I cautiously stretched one finger forward and prodded one shoe, withdrawing my hand like it had burnt me. "I doubt even Edward will be able to prevent me from rolling my ankle when I'm wearing those death traps," I objected. Normally, I would be refusing the whole get up on my outfit, hair, and makeup, but these shoes were just too much. I'd take the whole outfit and allow her to plan the next fifty dates I had with Edward so long as shoes like _this_ weren't involved. I shuddered as images of a night spent in those shoes could result in.

Her hands pulled impatiently on my hair before all pressure ceased. "Humor me," She huffed before picking up something on the counter and turning my face towards her. I narrowed my eyes at her as a soft brush swept across my cheeks. She rolled her eyes and reached back to retrieve the shoes. "If you manage to hurt yourself in them tonight then I won't ever have the power to control a single date for you and Edward. Deal?"

I pursed my lips and furrowed my brows as I debated. I sighed my resignation and held out my hands for the shoes. It'd pay off in the long run– I had no doubt in my mind that I'd find a way to hurt myself in these . . . ancient torture devices. "Outfits and makeup go under dating category." I clarified. She narrowed her eyes unhappily, but nodded her eyes.

"Put them on then." She ordered, turning to look into the mirror to make her own touch ups. I wasn't quite positive when she left to get ready herself, but I guessed that it was when she was curing my hair. I hadn't looked in the mirror the whole day, and I wasn't about to either. Seeing what Alice had done to me would take a serious impact on how shy I was bound to act around Edward.

Inhaling deep, I bent over and began fastening the deathly shoes to my feet. "Alice, will I be walking a lot?" I questioned. When she didn't answer my head tilted up in alarm. She was clinging to her counter, an unsure, guilty ridden expression occupying her face. I narrowed my eyes.

"Alice . . ."

She spun to face me, her scarlet dress rippling at her thigh. She smiled nervously. "Well, it really depends if Edward wants to . . . dance." She admitted. My jaw clenched.

"Dance?" I snapped. "There will be _dancing_ and you're giving me these shoes to wear!"

A relaxed smile spread across her face. "Bella, like I said before, Edward won't let you fall." She finalized, turning back to the mirror to hint at the drop of the subject. I scowled and crossed my arms.

"Alice, the limo's here honey." Esme's motherly voice crooned from outside the door. "Are you girls ready?" Alice turned back to me and grinned.

"Yeah!" She called back, stepping forward to snag my wrist and haul me from my stubborn positioning on her bathroom chair. "We're coming right now!"

I wobbled, afraid for my well-being, behind Alice as she guided me by my wrist. She lead me out of the bathroom and impatiently down the hall, making numerous remarks on my sluggish pace. I ignored her. She had herself to blame for that. At the top of the stairs, Esme and Rosalie stood chatting in low voices. Esme averted her attention from Rosalie to the two of us as we approached them.

"You both look absolutely lovely." She cooed. Her hands fluttered over Alice as she hugged her gingerly and then directed her attention to me. "I've never seen you in white," She mumbled, her fingers brushing along the skinny strap that slung over my shoulder. "It looks very nice on you with your hair up like that. Isn't that right, Rosalie?"

Rosalie, who had been carelessly picking at her perfect nails, snapped her head up at the sound of her name. Her lips twitched up into a halfhearted smile. "Yeah," she agreed indifferently. "Makes you look . . . natural." Esme gave Rosalie a warning glance before pulling me to her side to help me down the stairs.

"I've heard a thing or two from Charlie about your great sense of balance." She confided with a warm smile. I giggled breathlessly, too thankful for her help. The railing, which I was clutching tightly in my right hand, was barely enough to hold me up as I kept stumbling over my arched feet.

"Thanks." I whispered when we reached the last stretch of stairs. Waiting at the bottom smiling up at us was Jasper, with a love struck grin slapped onto his face, and Emmett, who was shamelessly ogling over Rosalie in her tight crimson cocktail dress. I tried to be discreet as I craned my neck to depict Edward amongst the boys, but failed to find him. As we reached the flat ground, Alice flitted to Jasper's side, slipping her hand into his. Emmett took a moment to laugh mockingly at me as I released Esme and staggered forward flimsily. Before my feet could leave the ground, though, I was pulled into the familiar warmth of someone who'd I just been unable to locate. I peeked up to see Edward smiling admiringly back at me. Blushing, I pushed off his chest and back to stand unsteadily on my feet.

"Told you," Alice mouthed as her and Jasper strutted past the two of us. I rolled my eyes, but was unable to prevent the involuntary smile that crept across my lips.

"You look gorgeous tonight, Bella," Edward breathed into my ear. His warm breath made me shudder and my undivided attention instantly switched back to him. I didn't bother to look anywhere other than his exquisite face and glowing emeralds, I never did. He could have been dressed in a neon suit and clown shoes for all I cared. I blushed at his comment and buried my head into his chest.

"You always do." I shot back quietly. He chortled and slid his finger under my chin to bring my head back far enough for him to kiss me. Our lips had barely touched, the fire just beginning to take blaze, when someone cleared there throat purposely loud. I pulled away, blushing furiously, without looking to see who it was that was demanding our cooperation. I heard Edward laughing under his breath.

"Yes Alice?" His smooth voice wondered innocently. I stole a look at Alice to see her standing by the door with her hands on her hips, foot tapping impatiently.

"We're going to be late if you two love birds don't hurry along," She told us, her voice heavy with irritation. "And don't kiss her like that, you'll mess up her makeup." She motioned us out the door and spun on her heel to follow close behind. I reluctantly allowed Edward to help me into the black stretch limo that Alice had gotten for the family. Esme requested to sit in front with the driver since Carlisle couldn't get tonight off to come. I squeezed in between Emmett and Edward. Emmett smiled deviously at me.

"Hey there, Bella," He smirked, leaning closer. I grimaced and pressed myself into Edward. I hadn't spent much time with Emmett, but it didn't take much to understand what kind of guy he was.

"Uh, hi Emmett." I replied nervously. His grin grew at my timid voice.

He cleared his throat as he fought the urge to laugh. The effort it was taking him was evident on his face. I was growing anxious to hear what he had to say that was so hilarious. "So," He finally spoke, his lower lip quivering before he pulled on a serious face. "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at Emmett's immaturity as he burst out laughing the moment my face flushed beat red. My eyes widened, horror struck. How many people had heard this conversation? I turned to eye Edward accusingly. Had he told him? Edward was just glaring right past me, angry yet unaware. He hadn't told him, I realized. Emmett had been listening in. Probably to see how Alice would react when she found us. Not that I could particularly be surprised . . .

"Boy," Edward spat, pulling me close to his chest. "With deep brown eyes and bronze hair. Happy?" Emmett kept laughing, doubled over now.

"Is he gonna be disabled too?" He teased, referring to my lack of balance. I pursed my lips and looked away from him.

"Real funny, Emmett," Alice quipped from the seats that were across from us, though facing our direction. I looked to see a light blush coloring her cheeks. She was embarrassed from her assumption earlier. "Bella, keep your face away from Edward's shirt. You'll mess up my makeup." I grimaced again and pulled back from Edward.

The car began departing from the house and glided smoothly down the driveway. Conversation ceased until Emmett got control over himself and stopped laughing. Alice and Jasper had their foreheads nearly touching as they whispered to one another. I switched seats with Edward so that I was closer to the window, and further from Emmett who had found enjoyment in elbowing my occasionally while talking to Rosalie. It didn't hurt, and each time he'd make the funniest face when I hit him back, but it got obnoxious after awhile. I leaned my back into Edward and watched as the trees thinned.

It had been well over an hour now, and I was growing far too impatient to figure out where we were going. "Alice, where are we going?" I finally asked.

"A very nice restaurant in Seattle," She explained absently before returning to her hushed conversation with her fiancé. I tilted my head to look up at Edward's face. His returning gaze was just as lost as mine. Neither of us knew the place, nor had we been aware it was all the way out in Seattle. I began to worry about how much this limo must be costing them.

I lost track of time as Edward toyed with my hair and the trees gradually disappeared. I was comfortable enough to fall asleep when we were finally flooded with city lights. It only took five minutes from then for the limo to arrive at the sidewalk in front of a large, crowded building with a red canopy that stretched out to where we idled.

The door was opened by a man in a tuxedo and gloved hands. I clung tightly to Edward as he nudged me out and wrapped a secure arm around my waist. "Don't let me go," I mumbled with a meaningful glance at my shoes. He chuckled and nodded in comprehension. I breathed out in relief.

"Do you have a reservation?" The elegant man asked in a low monotone.

Alice pulled Jasper out of the limo and turned to face the man with an authoritatively set jaw. "Yes, thank you." She huffed, evidently locating an insult in the simple question. The man nodded stiffly and motioned us forward to the fancy glass door as another dressed up man pushed it aside for us. She slid her hand into Jasper's and beamed before leading the way inside.

"Name, please?" An unnatural blonde in a tight, turtle neck black dress requested the moment Edward and I caught up with Alice. She tapped her foot impatiently while Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme made their way through the door. Curious as to what was making her so anxious, I dared myself to released Alice and walk up to her. After taking a minute to gather up some courage, I ran my hands down Edward's chest reassuringly and then slid away from him, towards Alice. She raised her eyebrows in a silent praise as she watched me walk steadily in her direction. Her eyes reeked off 'I told you so.' I gripped her hand tightly and wobbled over to the right, away from Jasper.

"Where's the fire?" I whispered close to her ear as an orchestra started playing from somewhere beyond us.

Alice giggled. "Patience, Bella," She scolded playfully.

I narrowed my eyes. "I was going to tell you the same thing."

She rolled her eyes and stepped away from me. "Cullen," She finally gave the hostess her awaited response. She nodded faintly before turning her attention to the papers on the podium in front of her.

"Right this way." She acknowledged us again absently. She stepped back and paused, making sure we'd follow her, and began walking towards the back section of the large, fancy restaurant. Edward collected me into his warm arms and helped transport me to the table. I gulped loudly to myself as we passed the white stone dance floor– an orchestra playing slow, uneventful music as a handful of couples danced lithely– and Edward eyed it longingly.

"Your server will be right with you," The hostess informed us in a bored tone, placing small leather menu's in front of each seat. Alice patted the seat next to where she stood, making eye contact with me as she did. I tugged Edward's arm and lead him over to the seat beside me. Alice smiled at me before turning to Jasper and pulling him down beside her and whispering in his ear again.

"Good God, how'd she ever get in here?" I heard Emmett rasp to Edward when he came to sit next to him. Curious, I tilted my head to follow his gaze, surprised to see Jessica Stanley making her way to the dance floor with a man that looked both too old for her and not from Forks. Edward's eyes glazed over at the sight of her and he shrugged carelessly.

"Rich date." He offered nonchalantly. Emmett shrugged, too. I leaned back in my chair and rested my hands eagerly on the table. I was dying to figure out what had been making Alice so jumpy now that I had a moment to sit and think about it. Edward's hand slithered onto mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Long ride, I'll be right back." I nodded him off and he let go of my hand, rose from the table. I couldn't help but stare as he walked fluently across the dance floor and to the bathrooms lurking beyond.

Alice huffed in displeasure. "Well, now you all have to wait," She scoffed as she, too, watched Edward's retreating figure. "I wanted to spill now, I'm no good at keeping secrets!" I coughed back a snort. From what I'd experienced, she was quite good at it.

I tried not to slouch as Alice launched herself into an extended story on one of the shopping trips she'd taken the day she'd discovered this lovely restaurant. Esme listened diligently, along with a bemused Jasper, while Emmett and Rosalie talked to each other in hushed tones. From what I'd heard of the two, I was positive they were speaking of nothing I'd prefer them to share. My eyes were glazing over when they drifted over towards the dance floor for the millionth time in the course of two minutes to see if Edward was returning. What I say caught off guard.

Edward was beginning his maneuvering through the growing crowd of graceful couples when he paused and looked back. A shaken looking Jessica Stanley stumbled forward and smiled lazily at him. He held out his arms and caught her, smirking as he whispered something in her ear and he pulled her into his chest. A slow smile turned up Jessica's lips before I looked away.

Hurt and rejection swam through my system that I just couldn't shake away. I jerked away from the table and tore away from the table, completely incoherent and unaware of the terrible shoes that were on my feet. I only made it a short ways before I staggered over my feet and felt a sharp pang in my ankle as I went toppling over.

"Bella!" I heard someone call as I broke into tears. I was pulled into the warm embrace of someone much smaller than I. "Come on, it's time we talked."


	28. Chapter 26 Bella's Story

_A/N- EEEEEKKK!!!! this is the second to last chapter! one of the most anticipated chapters too:] review and help me stick to my NYR cuz i'm almost positive i'll pull through with it:] at lastttt-- _**_Bella's story_**

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**EPOV**

"Hey Edward!"

I grimaced as the sound of Jessica Stanley's voice drifted into my ear. I didn't want to be bothered by anyone of her sort tonight. I was here with Bella and my family, not to find a way to put her off. I tried to speed up my walking, but it seemed that just about everyone twirling on the dance floor found this the perfect opportunity to step in front of me.

"Edward, wait one second!" She called again, her voice much closer than before.

Scowling, I paused, stuck behind traffic anyway, and glanced over my shoulder to see her walking blindly towards me. She wobbled and threatened to hit the ground as she finally approached me. By reflex, I reached out and steadied her.

"What do you want Jessica?" I asked under my breath. She tilted her head at me, bemused.

"What?" She questioned with a gesture to her ear. My jaw clenched and I pulled her closer.

"Jessica, darling," I grinned devilishly. "You looking stunning tonight, but positively dull compared to my _date_." The gradual smile that her lips had began to form vanished and I released her. Stepping back, I pushed past her as she huffed angrily and turned on her heel away from me. I was relived– I might have finally pushed her limit and gotten her to realize that I truly wasn't interested in her the slightest. I turned my focus towards my destination and froze.

The first thing I noticed was that Bella, nor Alice, were still sitting at the table. The next thing I registered was the stressed and concern mirrored on Esme and Jasper's face as their eyes followed something to my left I couldn't see. I quickened my pace and an unpleasant sound echoed through my head. A yelp of pain coming from a voice I'd never want to hear.

My head snapped to depict the sound of the noise as I rushed up the steps and back to the main restaurant area. Bella was sprawled across the floor, sobbing hysterically, feet from me. Alice was rushing to her side, gathering her weak form into her arms, not paying any mind to the scene they were making.

"Come on, it's time we talked." I heard Alice whisper, lifting her to her feet. I stepped forward and tapped Alice's shoulder. She peeked back at me and instantly her eyes narrowed in distaste. My eyes widened questioningly.

"Go away, Edward." She hissed, helping Bella waddle off towards the women's bathroom. I refused her demand and followed at a safe distance, straining my ears to hear what Bella had to say. They were silent as they drifted through the crowded restaurant, Bella still weeping uncontrollably into Alice's shoulder. I'd never seen Alice so careless about her outfit before. They reached it to the abandoned hallway leading to the two bathroom doors before Bella collapsed, crying out in alarm about a sharp pain in her ankle.

"I told you," She laughed breathlessly without the slightest hint of humor. "I just knew I'd manage to hurt myself in these shoes. No more dates for you to choose, huh?" I breathed out in relief– though I wasn't happy about her ankle, I was glad to know that we wouldn't be running away anytime soon due to an Alice arranged date.

"Yeah," Alice sighed in real disappointment. "Guess not." There was a short pause as Bella regained her breath. I slid down to the ground, using the wall as support to keep me from falling. Where I sat, neither of us could see each other, but I was still in perfect hearing range.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Bells?" Alice pressed after not so long. I heard Bella sniff and, making a conclusion from the next thing Alice said, she shook her head. "Come on, Bella. This is obviously something you've held in for too long, it's time you shared what's been eating you alive. Please?"

Bella coughed back another sob and drew a ragged breath. "Isn't it funny that both of the girls that made such a huge impact in our lives is Mia?" Bella said brokenly. I heard Alice take a sharp intake of breath. Bella giggled humorlessly again. "Yeah. Her name was Mia Mencik. My best friend since I was little. She moved over the summer before our freshman year." I heard Alice gasp in sympathy. Bella inhaled jaggedly again before continuing.

"So I had to start high school all by myself," She breathed. I strained to hear. "I'd never made any other friends. Never really needed to . . . And on the first day of school I met Lola Delair. She was nice enough to me for about the first month of school. That's about when everyone started noticing her.

"At first, there were some days where she was still her," Bella sniffed. "Then she began getting invited to parties– parties where they'd offer underage drinks. She started using me. I was her key home, the sober one. I was even too young to drive. But Morgan was always puking by the time we started home, so I didn't have a choice."

Alice inhaled sharply. "Why would she do that?!" She demanded, her voice as fuming as my head felt. Bella snorted.

"Calm, Alice," She requested. I peeked around the wall to see her resting her hand on Alice's shoulder. The two were resting against the wall beside the women's bathroom. Bella had her ankle cradled absently in her hand. "How Lola treated me never had a huge affect on me. It was how Renee could have stopped everything."

"Renee?" Alice wondered, perplexed. I mirrored her confusion, clamping my mouth shut to restrain the temptation to rush the information out of her.

Bella cleared her throat and nodded her head numbly. "It started like any other night we'd gone out. I talked to Renee before I left. She had a date with her now husband Phil, but this was before they were married, still in the early stages. I reminded her there was drinking at these parties, but she was so oblivious to how much. She thought Lola would never do anything to me. But she still promised. She told me she'd be there if I needed her. She told me she'd be just like _Mia_." She broke off into breathless tears.

"Shh," Alice patted her back and pulled Bella into her arms. I wanted, more than anything, to go over and take Alice's spot. I was too frozen to the spot, anxious to hear the ending of her story, yet another emotion was coursing feverishly through my body. Anger, betrayal. Why hadn't she trusted enough to tell me first?

"She set me up with this guy, a friend of Morgan's," Bella gasped, trying to control herself again. "He wanted to get me drunk, offered to get us some drinks. I took the opportunity as soon as he left to rush to the pay phone and get the heck out of there." She coughed out another round of miserable hysterics. "Sure, Renee answered."

There was a slight paused again as Bella cried soundlessly into Alice's shoulder. "And?" Alice prodded softly. Bella lifted her head from Alice's shoulder and eyed her brokenly.

"She was on her date with Phil," Her voice was empty and a lifeless monotone. "She assured me everything was just fine and that I should just go hang out with Lola if I felt insecure. I told her I couldn't find her. She laughed and said that she was being extremely rude talking on the phone right now. I pleaded with her, I just wanted to go home. But she was distracted. She told me she'd swing by in an hour and hung up. I was alone." Alice waited for her to speak again, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Leon, Morgan's guy friend, came back with two of the largest cups of beer I'd ever seen," She choked out. "I was so put out, I actually downed it all. I'd never consumed alcohol before. Leon quickly realized I was tipsy and he sure didn't hesitate to take advantage of it. . ."

Alice squeaked and grabbed her shoulders, turning Bella up to look her in the eyes. "Bella, did he rape you?!" She squealed in angered dismay. Bella's head drooped lifelessly.

"That's not what's stuck with me forever, Alice." She cried, crossing her arms tightly to her chest and throwing her head back against the wall. "Everyone I trusted! Lola, Mia, my _mother_, they _all_ backed out on me just because I'd let them. I never stood my ground and demanded what was mine. I didn't even try to get anyone's attention when Leon dragged me out back. I was _done._"

"Oh Bella!" Alice, too, was finally in tears. I felt the skin in my palm break away under the force of my nails as they dug into my hands. My eyes never left Bella. I needed to go comfort her _now_.

"I've been so afraid," Bella murmured into Alice's shoulder. "I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to put my trust into someone who will just throw it back in my face and laugh. I don't want to be used." She shook her head without looking up. "I'd been doing so well."

"What are you talking about?" Alice inquired more on her last statement. Bella lifted her head again and looked up to study the ceiling tiles.

"I thought I trusted Edward," She mumbled. "I didn't think he'd just go off flirting with the first tramp he saw." Alice's eyes narrowed and, for the first time throughout the whole conversation, she acknowledged my presence. I grimaced at the acid in her expression, but it wasn't enough to hold me in place any longer.

"Isabella Swan," I spoke sternly, raising myself from the ground. Her head snapped around to look at me. Her red, puffy eyes made my arms sting. "What on earth are you talking about?"

She narrowed her eyes accusingly at me. "I saw you with Jessica," she scoffed in a broken monotone. "I can't trust anyone anymore, no matter where I go, can I?"

I dropped down next to her and wrapped my arms around her. I pulled her from Alice, despite her silent protest, and cradled her into my chest. "Bella," I said gently. "I told Jessica that she'd best leave me alone because I had such an amazing date tonight that _wasn't_ her. I told her off."

Bella's eyes rose to study my face in disbelief. "Really?"

I nodded my head with a slight smile. "Of course, love." I assured her. "I absolutely love you, more than the entire _world_. How on earth could I have ever denied you and gone for someone else?"

Her face fell. "Oh Edward, I'm so sorry," She wailed, melting into my chest. "I made too fast an assumption."

I smiled sweetly and tilted her chin up. "Bella, you can trust me with your life. Forever. I will _never_ hurt you." I captured her lips in mine and a trustful smile spread across her face when she pulled back.

"I know, Edward." She mumbled. "I think I always did."


	29. Chapter 27 Announcement!

_A/N- Awhhhh!!! it's over!! **make sure u check out my two author's notes after this**. I guarantee one in particular will make you guys quite please:]. Thank you sooo much to all of my loyal readers and to those who reviewed. I dedicate this chapter to everyone I ever dedicated a chapter too, bcuz it's them who got me here- **Kele Sunburst, Ellzie, Jaralrunner, Lions-lamb-4ever, and Shanay! Thank youu guys!** nowww for my new years resolution to be completed!-- _**_Announcement!_**

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**BPOV**

"Maybe I should leave," Alice suggested, pushing herself off the ground and turning in the direction of the bathroom. "Don't take too long, I need to talk to the family." She stared at me until I met her gaze. "I love you like a sister, Bella."

I smiled heartedly. "Alice, you _are_ my sister." She grinned and pushed aside the bathroom door to clean up before returning to the table.

"I'm glad you're getting along so well with my sister," Edward mumbled, an unexpected edge to his voice. I tilted my head back to look him in the face. His jaw was set like something I'd done had personally offended him. I reached up and rested my hand on his cheek until he looked down at me.

"What's wrong?" I wondered. He noticeably relaxed under my touch, but he was still visibly tense.

"You doubted my trustworthiness?" He murmured, fiddling with a loose strand of my hair and looking away from me for a moment. When I couldn't locate the appropriate response, he dropped my hair and looked back at me. "Why?"

I shifted my gaze to his hands that were wrapped around my waist. I picked one up and began tracing patterns on the back of it. "I don't have a good reason," I admitted without looking back at him. "I guess I just didn't believe it possible for me to have someone like _you_. Or for me to ever be able to trust _anyone_ ever again. . ."

His hand cupped my cheek and gently tilted it back to face him. "Isabella Swan, I want you to hear me clearly here. I would _never_ hurt you. I will _never_ do something you don't want me to do and I will _never_ prove myself distrustful." He vowed. The burning sincerity in his emerald eyes made it impossible to doubt. I nodded breathlessly.

His thumb caressed my cheek, wiping away any stray tears. He bent forward and kissed away the strays on my other cheek. "There is one thing, though, that bothers me." He whispered in my ear, sending the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.

"And what would that be?" I asked nearly inaudibly. He chuckled humorlessly.

He pulled back to look me directly in the eye. "Did you not trust me so much that you were that reluctant to tell me about what happened?" He demanded, though he kept his voice level. "You know I wouldn't have, and still won't, think of you any differently just because of what someone _else_ did to you!"

I bit my lip and my skin flushed. "It was just too much," I told him quietly, unable to turn my head away due to his hand. "I . . . the dam was kinda already broken tonight." I drew a ragged breath and met his eyes, praying he'd understand.

His smile reached his eyes and he nodded faintly. "I guess I can understand that," He muttered, examining the wall behind me. "I wouldn't have been able to share with you that night at the hospital had I not already been prepared. I can't stay mad at you, regardless." This time, as his eyes turned back to mine, they were no longer filled with any trace of insecurities or concern. Just love, a never ending supply of love. I had never seen someone look at me in such a way. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, parting my lips to let him know that all of my insecurities with him were far surpassed.

"Ahem," I snapped my head back to see Alice standing in the doorway to the girl's bathroom. I smiled coyly and backed away from Edward. She smiled gleefully.

"It sure looks like you guys have everything worked out," She concluded, clapping her hands together. "Bella, let me fix up your face a little and we can go back to the table, okay?"

I smirked and nodded. "Sounds like a plan, Alice." I agreed. I tried to push myself up to my feet and, having forgotten the hurt in my ankle, grimaced as it shot through my leg. "Help?" I squeaked, falling back onto my butt.

Edward quickly placed his hands under my arms and pulled me to my feet while Alice wrapped one arm around my waist to support me and directed me to put one around her shoulders. I smiled and offered them both a silent thank you before Alice and I retreated into the bathroom. Edward waved halfheartedly and I saw him leaning back against the wall as the door swung close, obviously having no intentions of going anywhere unless I was there.

"I'm so sorry I made you hurt your ankle, Bells," Alice fussed as she sat me up on the sink counter. "If I had even been paying attention I clearly would have realized that you weren't kidding at all when you told me that you'd find some way to hurt yourself. Humph. We'll have Carlisle look at this when we get home. . ." I tuned out the rest of her babbling as she went on and on, still perfecting my face and erasing any traces of a breakdown.

"There," She finally declared. Placing her hands on my shoulders, she spun me to let me see my reflection. My eyes widened in surprise. I looked almost as I had before aside from the deep pink that colored most of my eyes. "Beautiful. Here, let's get you out there before Edward can have a fit." She braced me with her arm again and helped me wobble out of the bathroom and to a waiting Edward.

"I can get her from her, Alice." He insisted the moment we broke out of the women's room. She smirked and, when a small shake of her head, she handed me over. I grimaced as my throbbing foot made contact with the ground. I put in as much effort as I could to help Edward drag me across the restaurant to where the others anxiously awaited our return.

"Alice, we ordered for you guys," Esme told us, unsure, as I was lowered into my seat. "I hope you don't mind."

She grinned and clasped Jasper's hand. "Not one bit!" She chirped. She eagerly looked around the table. Emmett and Rosalie sat giggling at the far side of the circular table. Alice seemed overjoyed to finally have everyone together.

"Announcement!" She squealed excitedly. Esme eyed Emmett sternly and he and Rosalie quickly quieted down. Alice's grin grew and she turned to Jasper, who nodded her on. "We've finally decided on a date." She threw her left ring finger in our face to make sure we all understood. No one dared to interrupt her yet. "This winter, the 22nd, over February break!"

Instantly the table broke into a buzz of conversation. I blinked at the sudden rush and wondered why this was such an important point of discussion that would cause the need to go out. "Who's your Maid of Honor, Alice?" Rosalie purred, already quite sure of the response. I bit my lip and nodded slightly to myself. That'd be why.

Alice shifted uncomfortably. She tilted her head at Jasper in a 'you first' kind of way. He smiled and turned to look Edward in the eye.

"How would you feel being my best man?" He grinned. Emmett's hand came down on the table.

"What?! _Him_!" He nearly screeched. Rosalie waved a hand in front of him to shush him.

"Emmett, really," She rolled her eyes at his behavior. "Do you honestly think you'd have the attention span to really help him with anything more than standing next to him for five minutes at the wedding before you ditched the rest?"

Emmett's nose squished up like he'd smelt something bad. "Okay, I see the point."

Edward laughed. "Of course, Jasper."

Jasper grinned and nudged Alice. Alice smiled sheepishly at Rosalie and then, to both of our dismay, turned to _me._ "Bella, you're my Maid of Honor!" She revealed, clapping her hands together nervously. Rosalie's jaw dropped and her eyes became so tight I doubted she could even see anything out of them.

"What?!" She spat angrily without so much as a glance in my direction. "You want _her_ to be your Maid of Honor?!You've only known her for like three freaking weeks!" Alice grimaced and nodded slowly, confirming her offer. My jaw dropped now, as Rosalie's clenched together. Without another word, she tossed her napkin down on the table and stormed away.

"Awh come off it, Rosalie!" Alice called after her, dropping Jasper's hand. "Don't be mad!" She pushed away from the table and took off after her.

Emmett's eyes followed the others. "What, she gets to be mad and I don't?" He scoffed. "Rosalie, babe, wait up!" He stumbled out of his chair and rushed off after the two. Edward rolled his eyes.

Esme shifted awkwardly in her chair and pulled her purse onto her lap. "Oh, this is something we've been awaiting for ages," She crooned, her nose buried in the junk her bag contained. "I need to call Carlisle and let him know." She huffed and put her purse on the table. "I forgot my cell phone!" Edward and Jasper both checked their pockets and shrugged.

"I think there was a pay phone right outside," Jasper suggested. "I could show you where it is . . ." He started getting up.

"That sounds great," Esme beamed, raising herself. "I can't wait to tell him." The two wandered off towards the front of the restaurant, chatting in low voices about Rosalie's reaction.

I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Wow," I blinked, holding out the word more than necessary. "I think I just made Rosalie's hit list."

Edward chortled. "I hate to agree, but it's true." He conceded. I groaned and rolled my neck back.

"Great, an enemy. Just what I needed." I moaned unhappily. He rubbed my back soothingly.

"She'll come around," He reassured me, though the doubt in his voice was tangible. I pursed my lips and leaned into him, enjoying the now empty table.

Edward started humming above me. I tilted my head back and he grinned at me. "You might not recognize it, but this is the same song the orchestra was playing when we first danced," He pointed out. My eyes widened when I realized he was telling the truth.

"You remember?!" I laughed, awed. He smiled earnestly.

"Of course I do," He gently pushed me off of himself and rose from the table. He extended his hand to me. "Would you care to dance?"

I snorted incredulously at his offer. "I'm disabled," I reminded him, motioning to my ankle. "Just like our children, remember?" He tossed his head back and laughed freely.

"I won't let you go, promise." His eyes sparkled. All of the sudden my ankle didn't seem to hurt as much anymore. In fact, everything seemed to vanish the moment I slid my hand into Edward's. All that was there for me to see was the deep, exotic green of his eyes. I was drifting back to the first time I'd danced with him. There had been nothing other than him.

And here we were again, the only two people in the world.

.

Late that night, well after midnight, I was finally dropped off at my house. After a long goodbye and an undoubtable promise that Edward would arrive first thing in the morning, I closed the door to my house and hobbled up the stairs, finally freed of my high heels. I stopped momentarily at the bathroom and washed away all past feelings that had melted away tonight. I stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed, new. I smiled. I still had one last thing on my agenda before I would be able to fall into a deep, comfortable sleep.

I limped into my room and kicked my antique computer to life. After shooting down many pop-ups, I pulled up the Internet. I had received another message from Renee, but I ignored that. I'd answer that tomorrow. Instead, I pulled up the previous email I'd received from Lola and hit delete.

My old life was over and I was welcoming this new one with open arms.


	30. AN LBN

**With a long summer of being home alone and spending countless hours in the late morning with a sixty year-old piano teacher ahead of him, Edward Cullen reigned in a fake smile and plastered it to his face as he waved his best friend off to catch her plane. Since they first met ten years ago, Edward had never spent more than a week, if even, without seeing Isabella Swan. She was his other half, his soul sister. He couldn't bare the fact that she was leaving him to see her mother for two full months, but he didn't dare attempt to stop her. He couldn't always have Bella all to himself. To avoid his too energetic sister and bulky brother, Edward started seeing more girls, everyday. A new girl would show up at his doorstep each night to go out, yet they wouldn't go any further either. It didn't take long to have himself convinced that what he was truly doing was trying to find a girl to take Bella's place while she was gone. All he found was an unexplainable void in his chest until the day of her return. **

_New story!!!!!!! It's a romance called __Little Black Notebook__! Edward and Bella are best friends, and have been for ten years now– never anymore. During the summer before their senior year, Bella goes down to Phoenix to visit with her mother and her new husband, Phil. When Bella returns, they both realize things they'd never considered and things change in a way they'd never suspected . . . _

_Here's an extended preview– preface. Remember, the preface is like the middle of the book. So this is for way later in the fic but it's also the first part when I post it._

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People have never failed to surprise me. I think that's where most of the shock has always stemmed off of. I once thought to expect nothing of the shallow souls and much too much from the genuine hearts. Wouldn't you too, though?

I never quite decided on whether I had expected more or less of Edward. I only remember feeling shock. Disappointment, even. I guess I could claim I'd expected more of him. But I know he'd done worse before . . . in a way.

The hole that still burned in my chest was unexpected. I'd led myself to believe that, after all the time I'd set between us, it would no longer pain me to think of him. How foolish. Not even I should have expected the loss of my best friend and first love to leave me unscathed.

My brow furrowed in indecision. My mind hadn't drifted this dangerously far for a long range of time. Now that I was here, what would be the point in denying myself any more?

I slid off the edge of the bed and turned so I was kneeling at the foot of it. I inhaled deeply, chasing away the butterflies knotting up my gut. This was the first time I'd begun to feel my feet chill.

I tilted my head and looked into the messy depths of the underneath of the king sized bed. I hadn't ever focused on cleaning under this bed. I was afraid, I'll admit, of what my reaction would be if I ever cleaned this space of its contents. Would it bring me pain, anxiety, depression, loneliness? I suppose I was about to finally receive an answer.

Reaching past the dirt socks, dust bunnies, and what not, my hands collided with a thin cardboard box. Smiling nervously to myself, I pulled it into the light.

The shoe box looked much more aged than it really should have. Chewed in the corners by the mouse I'd been trying to get rid of, tattered at the opening from being rammed into by miscellanies junk. The random sploshes of color that had once marked the type of shoe's logo had faded and a thick layer of dust caked the top of it. I ran my finger along it, stopping halfway as the dust gathered quickly beneath my nail.

Hesitantly, I turned the opening of the box towards me and dug my fingers beneath the beat up cardboard. I weighed my decision hastily in my head. I knew that the moment I peered into the box's contents I'd risk the chance of my feet icing over. I knew that he didn't deserve that from me, after all he'd done for me. He'd perfected my broken life, making all the _right _decisions for me. He was one of those genuine hearts that I got much, much more out of than even _I _had expected. I sighed. I had no reason _to_ open the box, but I did anyway.

Five items burst out of the box as if they'd been piled up just anticipating the moment the box would be reopened. A yellowing letter, a promise ring, a folded up picture, a broken golden chain, and a small, black notebook. My hand mechanically swept across the notebook, the promise ring, the broken chain, and paused above the creased photo. I peeled it open.

My heart literally shattered. There was no part in my body that didn't begin to ache uncontrollably. Some part of my mind was boasting about how it had predicted this outcome, some part was screaming _Bad! Put it away!_,another part was thanking me feverishly for permitting myself this.

I didn't ogle over Edward's beautiful face, breathtaking crooked smile, or the look of utter contentment I mirrored on my face over the fact that his arms were wrapped around me. My hands had already began folding the tethered photo and were pushing it aside with the other four objects. I pulled the shoe box onto my lap.

I reached my hand in, knowing well there was only one other item in the small box. It was the largest and occupied most of the little space. A small, navy backpack, frayed around the edges with a broken zipper, slid out unwillingly. The same things were still enclosed in the largest pocket, three safety pins clipped along the side to prevent them from falling out. I held it midair, weighing it for a moment. It felt as right as it had in my hand when I'd first packed it, only for a completely different reason. Last time I'd been going through the motions of leaving, now I was considering going _back_. I slid the blackened straps over my shoulder, testing the feel.

My freed hand flew down and snatched the little black notebook. I flipped it over in my hand, then tossed it back and forth between them both.

"Hmm." I breathed. My brain was fogged, as always, with the difficulty of making a decision. I hadn't truly made my _own _decision in an uncountable amount of time. I wasn't complaining, I had always approved of them. "Hmm."

I acted on impulse. I felt adrenaline, a sensation I'd long forgotten, pump through my veins as I gathered the letter, ring, chain, and photo into my hands and dumped them into the navy bag. With the notebook still in hand, I rose myself from the floor and out through the living room and towards the front door.

I paused there and debated on whether I should leave a note. I'd long since done anything that would have caught someone by surprise, so there was no doubt a scene would corrupt if I left without any explanation.

I spun the thin diamond ring on my left ring finger–– a habit I'd developed whenever I was nervous. I glanced towards the notepad and pen near the phone.

Then, clutching the black notebook closer to me, I opened the front door wide and fled.

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_How's it look? Good, bad? Awesome, terrible? I've already got a fair amount written, but I won't post it for about another week. I want to see what my responses to this are. Do you think it sounds worth reading? If I get positive feedback there's no doubt in my mind I'll be posting this soon. I will be posting it, either way. If you wish, send a review with a request and I will send you an extended preview of the first chapter in a review reply. _

_Thank you to all of my fantastic amazing loyal readers!_

_**~Rossie**__._


	31. aN JSY

_Yes! I have plans on making a sequel to this fanfic if people would like! I'll most likely be working on updates on Little Black Notebook before I work on this one, but I want a little feedback on my plans to see if you amazing people think the sequel is worth being patient enough to wait out my writing of another fanfic. This is a small sample from about a few chapters in, where the real plot picks up. It's told in Bella's POV and is at Alice's wedding. Read and drop me a review on what you think._

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A tickle of glasses and a murmur of voices followed after and I brought my glass to my lips and took a small sip, still not liking the taste of it. I turned to face Alice, expecting her to already be making her way onto the stage to hug me like she'd done with all the rest. She was still sitting, nuzzled in Jasper's arms, her face turned back towards where I'd been sitting. I followed her gaze to see Edward getting up and making his way towards me on the stage. I didn't really stop to think that I should get off and let him speak, I was too busy staring at him in awed curiosity as to why he looked so nervous, yet was glowing at the same time. He looked stunning, more then usual. I heard someone cough below me and realized that I'd been gawking. I looked down, embarrassed, as fresh blood colored my cheeks. I wobbled towards the steps to clear the stage for Edward.

"Wait Bella," he whispered as he reached me. He grabbed my wrists and brought them to the side of his face. I looked up at him in the same curiosity as before. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine, breathing out. "Do you love me?"

I actually snorted in disbelief to such a ridiculous question. "What kind of question is that Edward Cullen?" He opened his eyes and looked expectantly back at me. I sighed and pressed my lips to his, forgetting that we stood right in front of the stage and that everyone was staring at us. "I always have and always will." I promised. His responding smile was blinding.

"That's all I needed to hear."

He stepped past me, releasing one of my wrists and using the other to tow me along after him. I stumbled after him, completely confused by the action. He pulled me up to the microphone and kissed me on the forehead before letting go of me completely and stepping up to the microphone. I arched my brows in confusion and crossed my arms as my opportunity to ask him what he was doing was lost. He cleared his throat audibly before he began speaking.

"I know this is supposed to be completely Alice and Jasper's day, she said I could do this one thing," He began, looking over to Alice and smiling nervously. Her responding wink and subtle thumbs up took my suspicions further. _She wouldn't have..._

"After seeing how happy that Alice and Jasper are I've gotten to thinking that maybe it'd be nice if I was finally able to move past my military days and take shelter in the one thing that brings me any joy anymore." He stepped away from the microphone. I felt the color drain from my face as he slid down onto one knee.

_Oh no, no, no, no, NO! Too soon, too young! Damn it Edward!_

"Bella Swan," he addressed me quietly, though it seemed to echo through the now dead silent room. I felt my breathing pick up and my head spun. "I promise to love you forever, every day of forever. Will you marry me?"

The earth stopped spinning, time was put on hold. The entire world just stopped. The air evacuated my system in a sudden sharp gust as I caught sight of the beautiful ring that had too suddenly appeared in Edward's anxious hand as he slid it carefully onto my ring finger. The color was completely gone from my face, I imagined I looked like a ghost. I continued to stare at the ring in horror, not sure if time had found its circuit again yet. It'd been barely six months and he was asking me to _marry_ him! Renee would kill me, Charlie must not approve. I just can't do it! I'm a freshmen in college Edward! It slowly came to my realization that I was hyperventilating. I swayed a little as I fought for control over my dizzy head. If only I was able to voice anything I was thinking.

"Edward," I managed to whisper shakily. "I'm, I'm only nineteen." His face fell and his arm fell limply to his side. I felt tears pricking my eyes as I took in his hurt expression.

"What?" I'd never heard his voice so broken before. The tears broke out from my weak defense and flowed down my face relentlessly.

"I, I can't Edward," My voice dropping in volume to the point where it was barely audible. Edward looked up at me, broken."It's too soon, I'm too young." His lips parted in frustration at my statement, but I couldn't take looking at his hurt face when I was the one causing the pain. I turned my head from his and stepped to the stairs, sliding the ring of my finger. I carefully set in on the stage next to the steps as I reached the ground. I looked up at him, my tears obscuring my vision.

"I'm so sorry Edward." I choked out as my tears turned into vicious sobs. I slipped out of my shoes and ran out the room, leaving Edward broken on the stage without the slightest clue as to why I would ever do such a thing. I grabbed the sides of my dress and pulled it up so it was above my ankles as I sprinted out to the hall and ran towards no where in specific.

We'd told each other or deepest secrets only months ago, we'd started dating only _months_ ago, and he thought we were ready to get married?! Did I? Well sure. But was I even the slightest bit ready for marriage, let alone engagement? Hell no! I collapsed on the floor, pushing myself in a small corner between doorways so that I wouldn't be seen or bother anyone. I pulled my knees to my chest and let my sobs rack through my body and allowed the tears to ruin my dress.

How could I have let myself hurt him so much? I was a monster. He had finally opened up and let someone in after what he'd done and I smashed him to pieces. Why marriage? Why now! I threw the back of my head against the wall behind me.

_What had I just done to him?!_

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_Sooooo?! Good, bad? Awesome, terrible? Let me know! It'll be up as soon as I get this other idea out of my mind! It's eating it awayyyy:) It's called Just Say Yes so keep an eye out for it! And also, check out the poll on my page:]_

_Thanks sooo very muchly for all of the support for Mistakes Happen, hope the sequel matches up to its standards:)_

_**~Rossie**__._


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